thomas11

Long post warning. I have good news and bad news. The good news is things are going really well. I went to our neighborhood winter party last night where there was a lot of alcohol being consumed and felt as comfortable as ever being there. We made an appearance and came home as I wanted to see UFC 196. Someone posted awhile back about having a "dis-interest" in alcohol, and I'm starting to feel that. I'm far more interested in other things than I am drinking. I'm learning that there are simply much more important things to be learning about and paying attention to, than getting drunk.

Bad news: My father stopped by on Thursday around 3PM, he wanted to visit and have a drink. I keep a bottle of what he likes to drink in a closet. He makes a drink and we are talking, he's kicked his oxycodone completely. But he is scheduled to have a minor surgery on his back and he's always sore or in pain. Therefore he doesn't sleep well, and says he gets up every night around 2AM to sit in his chair for relief. He asks for a valium to see if it will help him sleep through the night. I give him one.

He asks me to stop over Friday to visit. Friday afternoon I go over there and his truck is in the garage, but he's not there (very rare). I call both (mom and dad) their cell phones and my mom's work. Both are nowhere to be found. This concerns me a little. My dad finally calls me last night around dinner time (Saturday). I talk with him and asked him where he was when I stopped by. He puts my Mom on the phone. She tells me the reason they weren't home Friday is because they were at the hospital and that my Dad had a minor stroke on Thursday evening. They kept him overnight.

Apparently after he got home from my place they were having some more drinks and my Dad started not making sense, acting weird and was disoriented. She took him to the hospital, they ran every test known to man, didn't find anything, and concluded he must have had a minor stroke. Now, this bizarre behavior started about 2 hrs after he left my house. I think I know what happened and it wasn't a stroke. He took that damn Valium and was drinking, and since he's 72, he was in la la land. I will confront him, but I have to do it alone because if my Mom found out, she'd have a stroke, for real. I'm really mad at him right now. I'm also kicking myself. So, that's the latest drama in my life.

fantail

I'm really happy for you that you were able to enjoy yourself socially without worrying excessively about alcohol. That's such a gift isn't it??

I'm sorry about the situation with your father but glad he's safe.

Fervor

Um, ...how come you have valium and how come you gave some to your dad?

You have a bit of history here and I just don't have time to read it all, but I can hear your concern for your part in it, and you should have concern. Hey, your dad shouldn't have asked. Also, you shouldn't have provided it. Big no-no taking someone else's prescription. If it were valid, his doctor would have given it to him. Maybe he did but your dad used it all up? Not really bizarre behavior at all. At 72 he should be wiser. So should I, though I'm a decade behind him. Learn from him and be the wiser man is what I have to say.

sva777

Hope you have a good conversation with your dad.

Glad you are getting more disinterested in drinking and I hope it sticks.

esinger

No need to get on you about this. You can do that all by yourself. Booze and valium are not a real good mix as you probably know, although I used to think they were. Guess you probably won't do that again. Up to you if you want to come clean with your Mom but make sure you let your Dad know it probably wasn't a stroke. Who knows what meds they gave him for that.
Glad your loosing interest in drinking.

Soberwolf

Having a go at him will solve nothing, are you prescribed vallium by your Dr Jeff ? you know you shouldn't give anyone else your medication even if it was asked your meant to say no but what's done is done your father is lucky and I'm glad he's ok

At best this is a very important lesson in not sharing your medication with anyone jeff

strategery

You should not be giving your dad pills of any kind. It is dangerous. If he wants drugs to cope better with his pain, he needs to see his doctor. I hope you realize if he was to die as a result of giving him the drug (even though he was mixing it with alcohol), you could end up being charged.

thomas11

FYi, I have Valium because it was prescribed to me as a muscle relaxer. Early on in my healing process the muscles around my knees would cramp. I was trying to be a good person and help my dad out.

strategery

I completely understand that you were trying to help your dad out Jeff, but what you're doing has potentially very serious consequences and you've admitted to doing the same thing before with prescription narcotics.

The drugs you've been giving him are scheduled drugs. It's not worth the potential legal consequences of giving him these drugs. I just want to try to spare you from possible further pain and misery.

Ariesagain

Your dad put you in a tough spot and potentially a disastrous one...there was a guy in my state who was sentenced to two years for giving his child a quarter valium.

You couldn't have known what would happen after he left...you don't know how much more he drank when he got home. Lesson learned.

Try not to beat yourself up too much. It's amazing how long our parents' authority over us can last. My father is 90 and still tells me what to do and half the time I find myself doing it, because I've been trained to.

bigsombrero

My dad is 72 and also just had a minor stroke. There's no need to assume it was the valium and booze you gave him - the doctors make their analysis based on several factors, including limited or confusing speech, and possible numbness on the left or right side of the body. Let the doctors be doctors. You can be the son.

Get all booze out of your house. That booze is not sitting around for your dad, it's there for your AV. As for the meds, if they are not prescribed to you, get them out as well. And don't give them to anyone else if they are. Talk to your doctor about a different kind of prescription - if you are no longer hurting from your accident you shouldn't have a highly addictive type of benzo available in the house.

Glad your dad is stable.

SoberinSyracuse

Try not to get too worked up over this. Lesson learned, right?

Don't get too mad at him -- I'm sure his plan for the evening wasn't to get effed up and end up in the hospital. It was a simple matter of erroneous judgment, and you're both the wiser now.

Without making A Very Big Drama of the discussion, just tell Dad he gave you a scare and you can't in good conscience let him use any more of your Rx drugs.

ScottFromWI

I'm sure that was your intention but as others have mentioned, giving him your RX drugs was a major, major mistake. Would you ask us to go easy on you if he had died? That's not an exaggeration either.

I'd ask a couple of questions of you as well.
1. Why do you still have the valium? Please dispose of it all, you have no need for it and your father definitely has no need for it.
2. Why do you still have booze in your house? You have no need for it - period.

This goes far more than just "drama" Thomas - it borders on co-dependance. If you truly want to help your dad you will pull away and suggest he seek help for his issues...you cannot "fix" him - and if you continue to enable him and feed him valium you can make things a hell of a lot worse. Sorry if you wanted someone to go "easy" on you, but you don't get to choose how people respond to your queries.

thomas11

Thanks Ariesagain, I'm glad I'm on alone in the thought process that compelled me to oblige.

Ariesagain

Well, the good news is that now you have every reason to get his booze out of the house. "I'm not going to help send you back to the hospital" is an inarguable statement...although if he's anything like my father, God knows he'll try. Repeatedly.

least

Where I live, it's against the law to give medicine prescribed for you to someone else.

thomas11

One caveat to this whole incident is that I am wrong. He may have not taken that pill and actually did have a stroke. I'm guessing a toxicology test will be coming shortly and my mother will see it. Then he's in deep sh*t. And probably me too. But I know my dad well enough to know that he was just being irresponsible. Just stunning to me because he was thee guy in his career. Had a staff of 70 people and flew on privates jets. Can't believe how much he's changed as he's gotten older.

SoberinSyracuse

Lesson learned. Whether it was the pill or the stroke, he's too frail for you to take chances giving him stuff.

And I'm sure there's a way you can have this convo in a mellow way, without sounding like one of those high-and-mighty-recently-sober types. It's just a simple matter of fact situation. He gave you a scare and you'll be playing it safe with him in the future.

He's got to understand that as a son, when he passes, you want no burden upon your brain that you may have contributed to it.

AnvilheadII

HE was being irresponsible? you gave alcohol to a 70 year old AND gave him VALIUM after ranting on and on about his PILL addiction. THAT is irresponsible. you seem to be very good at projecting your own issues onto others.....such as your "alcoholic" BIL or your drug addiction father and try to sound like the sober voice of wisdom.

why do you still have booze in the house? why do you still have pills if you no longer need them?

i really hope your dad is ok and that this is big WAKE UP call for YOU, Jeff.......

mylifeismine

Magnesium is the thing for muscle spasms/soreness in
general. Taking Valium for muscle issues is like killing
a fly with a cannonball. Not sure that doctor is helping
you.........no, I'm sure- he/she ISN'T