thomas11

For anyone that has followed since I've joined, it is pretty clear I had a binge drinking problem that preceded by a daily drinking problem. Like many I went back and forth between periods of moderate success with the occasional regretful weekend, then I got hurt pretty bad. Since that time (now in the 8th month) to the best of my recollection had one drink on 3 occasions, and got drunk once. That was roughly two weeks ago. I've been around drinkers, drinking, been to bar restaurants, went ice fishing, and some other stuff here and there and have not drank at all. Truthfully it wasn't difficult, I don't feel tempted around people drinking mainly because I don't trust myself to jump into the fray.
Most everything in my day to day living has improved. I eat and sleep good, my relationship with my wife is excellent, I did not wake up in the morning that one time feeling horrible (except I was thirsty). Overall my mood and level of patience is as good as its been in years and I don't live in fear. I personally believe it is demonstrable progress compared to my starting point. I wonder if anyone agrees with that?

doggonecarl

You are the only one "progress" matter to.

While I won't get into the matter of agreeing or disagreeing, I will say it is possible that you are being selective about the "markers" of your progress, and less selective about those things that might prove a counterpoint to progress.

Thumpalumpacus

If you're happy with where you are then you're happy with where you are.

SoberLeigh

It's progress in that you are seeing the benefits of sobriety to your mental and physical health and in your relationships.

Allowing yourself the occasional drink, though, seriously puts all of those benefits in jeopardy. It's frightening to think about those who have graced this forum and then left to attempt moderation only to return worse-off than when they first found SR. I know that moderation is not your goal, Jeff, but the occasional drink threatens that goal.

So many people here have come to care about you, Jeff, and fear that unless drinking is taken off the table in any amount or any frequency, you will eventually fall back into old habits.

There is a significant difference from where you were a year ago to where you are now but the best, truest, and most real measurement of progress is the unwavering commitment to sobriety and recovery.

I believe 100% that you have it in you to achieve a fabulous life of sobriety.

Steve3929

Thomas I absolutely agree. Having a drink (or more than one) on 4 occasions over 8 months is huge, huge progress in my personal opinion. Being an all day drinker myself and binger myself, progress is an excellent thing. Again, just my opinion. I don't think just because your record isn't perfect doesn't mean we can't celebrate a guy who isn't drinking everyday. Congratulations sir

ScottFromWI

Its hard to define progress without defining your goal first. Not drinking for 2 weeks if your goal is abstinence is great progress. If your goal is sobriety, there is of course a lot more to that then just not drinking. In either sense though it's up to you do define the goal and decide if you are meeting it or not.

Marcher13

You are saying that drinking isn't an option because you don't trust yourself when you drink, yet you won't commit to sobriety.

No I don't Jeff, because better than it was isn't enough for we alcoholics.

For a guy who so clearly knows his own mind your ambivalence on sobriety confounds me.

Just out of interest: are you a member of a class here on SR?

least

If your goal is complete sobriety, then no, it's not progress. But if your goal is to drink once in a while, then it's progress.

Dee74

Hi Jeff

I'm not going to directly address your post because I really think you need to worry less about where you're getting to, or what others might think - and concentrate on the journey.

The journey's where I learned all the stuff I know now...the destination (sobriety/recovery) was always predestined for me.

I'm pretty sure I've said this to you before, but what if where you are now is right where you're meant to be?

Enjoy the train ride, focus on where you are and less on the station at the end of the line.

Don't worry about merit stamps from us either - this is your journey - you're trying to move forward and your sober today. Win Win.

Follow the track and you'll get there.

D

thomas11

I've never joined a class on SR.

silentrun

Jeff, you are a grown up so it has to be your decision what is the goal. It seems to me that you minimize your involvement with alcohol. When you hurt yourself you were on a week long drunk. You were failing at the weekend warrior thing. Maybe you should go over in your mind again why you wanted to quit all together.

thomas11

Dee, I get a sense that throughout your life you've crossed paths with many many people from many walks of life. That gives you a particular skill or perspective in speaking to people. It seems you know how to read their personalities. I say this because what you said kind of hit the nail on the head for me. This whole process right now is a journey, I know some people see it as a very black and white subject. I don't.

All I can say is that I am steering the ship and its going in the proper direction. Each day it becomes slightly clearer that returning to a lifestyle of alcohol is just not a wise choice. Moderation is a complete joke and binge drinking will kill me. Almost all of my problems are rooted in alcohol, my few successes have been entrenched in hard work, focus and alcohol had no seat at the table.

thomas11

I think about it most every day. I knew I could not continue on the path I was on without serious consequences, and still suffered serious consequences. Now I'm picking up the pieces and doing my darnedest to move on. I don't want to sound morbid, but if I ever returned to the way I was prior to me getting hurt, I'm not sure I would make it out alive. At the least I would lose my marriage, my house, and what little else I have.

Dee74

Thanks Jeff

I think some things are still black and white tho?

Relapse (AKA drinking again) is not part of my recovery journey, for example.

To torture my train metaphor a little more, that would be like the train leaving the tracks, and all the tragedy that would entail.
I can't argue with anything you've said there ^

D

KiKi0615

I agree with this Thomas. Is your goal to cut down & moderate or quit permanently?

Stay strong! :-)

Soberwolf

Everything Scott & D said

sobriiestote

I think it's a huge change from where you were but like Dee said don't look at it as black and white, right or wrong, drunk or sober.

Our life is one very intricate journey with thousands of tiny decisions made every day. The person we are right now is because of those decisions we've made and I would say that you've made some really good decisions and changes in the past year. Ok, so you've drunk a few times, but if you dwell on that and beat yourself up its not going to help anything. Focus on the positive and be your own cheer leader!

Mountainmanbob

That was a good starting point for me.
Keeping an eye on the one in the mirror.
Not to let self deception play out.
Mountainman

sugarbear1

Congrats on 2 weeks of sobriety!!!

Fly N Buy

Progress not perfection. Glad you made it back from a relapse two weeks ago - the only thing any alcohol must do perfectly is not drink or use.

Keep coming back