Obladi

Good morning Mike.
I sure hope you are sober when reading this and also feel for the pain you must be in if you are. You said:

That addiction is a clever little snot and can figure a way to get you out of this promise. But you are smarter than it is.

What's it gonna be?
Is this Day 1?

I really hope so and encourage you to seriously think about making that call.

FormerWineGirl

Mike, it sounds as though you want to hear something that none of us are equipped to tell you. You got what you asked for, which was OUR experiences. You should not berate the people on this thread who cared enough to take the time to answer what you asked. That said, it sounds as though you have already made up your mind that you are "too unique" to be helped, which of course is not true. I am in no way minimizing your situation, not at all. However, your negativity will get you no where fast. Please open up your mind to the possibilities.

Andante

The ironic (and sad) part about this phenomenon of believing one's self to be somehow different, unique, special, and beyond the experience of other alcoholics is that it's so common, so ordinary, so typical, that there's even a name for it. It's called "terminal uniqueness."

AnvilheadII

ok how about this method....paint yourself green, stand on your head in a corner and sing the Star Spangled Banner.

will that work?

see here's the thing Mike....IF you truly wanted to get sober and someone gave the above suggestion, you would without hesitation DO IT because your desire to quit was that strong and you looked to others WHO HAVE SUCCESSFULLY QUIT DRINKING for suggestions.

you want the magic cure. you want to stop drinking without actually having to STOP DRINKING. and that's a miserable place to be. so i'm guessing you are either serious about this venture and just not THERE yet, OR you get drunk and like to troll sober sites and get everyone riled up for kicks. there are four pages of concerned people sharing their Experience Strength and Hope with you here.....

chrcarlson

Hey Mike, My mental illness gave me 5 DUI's and 30 years of trouble. Other than the DUI''s, other legal trouble and other trouble I handled alcohol pretty well. On Dec 8 I left a DUI hearing and thought it was a bad idea to drink...so i got a 12 pack to forget my trouble. I woke up the next day in a sweat and panic, went to AA and haven't had a drink since. The first week was tough but it's gotten easier every week since. I haven't come close to drinking in weeks. We all have a tolerance for pain. When you reach yours you will quit. Sadly some of us have a high tolerance. I hope you don't.

Dropsie

Mike,

I cannot believe the outpouring of love and support you have received from people who have never met you and whom you spend a lot of energy being angry at because they don't know you. How different you are.

Whereas I look at the same messages and think how amazing it is that all these people are trying to help this dude. Maybe there is hope for us yet.

The is TRULY an amazing place.

Dropsie

Painter -- I loved your analogy. Thank you.

Thumpalumpacus

"I can't" almost always ends up becoming "I never did."

jaynie04

My experience has been similar. The first year I steered clear even after I felt like I would be comfortable around alcohol. I have alcohol at home now but I would no more consider drinking it than I would consider drinking bleach. It is a lethal substance for me. The smell of alcohol makes me nauseous now, truly. I don't envy people who drink it.

I was at a dinner Friday night. There were 8 of us and I was the only one who wasn't drinking. You know what I felt…free. I didn't worry about what I was saying because I knew I was in my right mind. I was confident that I looked healthy and clear eyed (and I could wear high heels without fear of falling).I felt relieved that I didn't have to sit there and be tortured while they all enjoyed two drinks with dinner…in the old days I would have been so conscious of the level in everyone's glass and getting out of there so I could drink for real. I felt engaged with the conversation because I wasn't so distracted with alcohol.

I don't gaze at other people's drinks. I know there are bottles of liquor here in the house but I honestly couldn't tell you what because they don't concern me. I can tell you exactly how many diet cokes I have here though. I also can appreciate the people here who steer clear of alcohol. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that we are all different. I think being open minded in early recovery is important, because everything is going to feel strange and uncomfortable at first. However, the longer you are sober the clearer you will become about what feels like it syncs with who you are as a person. Be willing to consider anything and you will eventually carve your own recovery.

You can't think your way into sobriety. Waiting around for that day that sobriety feels right is wasting time. Sobriety means throwing a wrench into something that feels familiar, it is uncomfortable at first. There is not one sober person here who wasn't ambivalent at the outset. I knew what my drinking would result in, and as miserable as it was, it was predictable. However, I forced my own hand. I called an addiction specialist, I talked to my doctor, I involved my husband and close family, and I went to inpatient for 30 days. I threw down the gauntlet and involved other people…involving others held me accountable at first, until I got my sober legs.

I think it is harder to get sober timidly. I think as scary as it is jumping off the deep end and taking fierce action is actually easier. There is nothing worse than knowing you have a problem and drinking anyway, especially once you understand that drinking problems don't get better.

The minute you get sober hope and a better life become possible. The minute you get sober you step onto a different path and change direction. You take back the reins instead of feeling like you are helpless. And the more anxious and uncomfortable it feels at first the more likely you are making profound changes towards a wonderful life.

vanaprastha

I see quite a lot of posts on this board from people asking for help, and then claiming that none of the responses will work for them because they are different and unique, and the rest of us just don't get it. There seem to be a lot of unique people here...

What worked for me? I realized that I could not control my drinking, and that I had two choices: stop completely, or continue drinking and kill myself with alcohol and be just another person whose obituary read "died from complications of alcoholism."

What do I do when there is a drink in front of me? A co-worker (who did not know I had stopped, but knew I liked microbrews) gave me a nice bottle of beer for Christmas. I immediately gave it to another co-worker who drinks and knows I stopped.

How did I feel when I saw the bottle? A little scared, but mostly I knew I had to get rid of it. And when I gave it away, I felt relieved and proud of myself.

I told someone else (whose life I made very unpleasant while I was drinking) that I had stopped. Her response was "Good for you; I am proud of you. I have also been thinking that I have a problem with alcohol. I think about it a lot."

Every time I think about drinking and don't, I get a little bit of my self-respect back.

ilovedogs666

This..a million times.

jessie65

Dropsie, I so agree, the people here are Amazing, even when somebody is throwing insults their way they keep their cool and Still try to help. You guys deserve a medal, I don't have the patience for that crap, lol.

You guys are great.

juppe

Hello all! I just wanted to say that even though Mike doesn't seem to appreciate any of your posts, I appreciate them! Lots of great wisdom in this thread. As for mike, I believe alcohol got the better of him throughout this thread. I hope you get sober and soon, man.

chrcarlson

I've been to a lot of AA meetings and know many many alcoholics. All alcoholics are unique, that's what we have in common.

Dee74

Let's address our remarks to Mike, not about him

I'm sure Mike does appreciate the response he gets.

I know I did when I first got here - even the stuff that challenged me.

It took me a few goes to get this recovery thing right, and I try not to forget that

D

Dropsie

I love Jaynie 04's post. Thank you.

Thumpalumpacus

I'm thinking that the parts I've bolded might have something to do with your particular issue. Have you done anything to address this?

Alcoholism is an individual thing; there are many brands and varieties.

What I think and feel when it's in front of me is meaningless for your situation.. It's what you think and feel that counts. Sobriety is not poll-driven. It comes from inside.

MikeM

I do appreciate all the responses. I'm just not the best communicator when drunk.

I have a bunch of reading to do. This and other threads. I couldn't keep up with them anymore because I got too drunk.

tomsteve

mornin,mike. dont think ive read through all your threads youve had in the last few days until this morning.
there is 1 common denominator in almost every response of yours:
terminal uniqueness.
thats kept ya drunk.
time to stop playing the mental illness thing and all your other crap and accept your just an alcoholic like us.
its your choice today. keep making excuses and keep up with the terminal uniqueness-you aint felt nothin yet because theres still a lot further to sink into alcoholism- or get off your ass and get into action. get help. go to aa. something more than just going to your parents house, which im guessing this isnt the first time youve done that.

your eyes may sparkle and your teeth may glitter
but ya cant bulls**t old bullsh**ters.

surrender-accepting alcohol was the problem, getting my ass into action(aa),and allowing others who had been in my shoes teach me how to live sober is how i got sober. continueing the actions is how i remain sober.

dwtbd

When I stopped using my alcoholism as an excuse to not quit is when I turned the corner. Finding SR and learning about AVRT and RR (great threads on these ideas in the Secular Connections) helped me to quit and stay quit.
wish you well