Needing help, in a very particular way
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi Mike.
For me there wasn't something magical that happened that caused my sobriety. As trite as it sounds... I just stopped drinking alcohol. It wasn't easy and for quite a spell I really missed it. But after a bit I began to miss it less and less.
I read many books. Something changed for me shortly after I read Alan Carr's book on controlling drinking.
You asked about how not to drink if a drink is I front of you. Well I'd no sooner drink alcohol than I would poison. I see nothing of value whatsoever in ingesting alcohol. It isn't a temptation in the least. Actually I feel sorry for people that still drink it.
I'm sure this isn't what you were looking for, but you get sober by not drinking.
For me there wasn't something magical that happened that caused my sobriety. As trite as it sounds... I just stopped drinking alcohol. It wasn't easy and for quite a spell I really missed it. But after a bit I began to miss it less and less.
I read many books. Something changed for me shortly after I read Alan Carr's book on controlling drinking.
You asked about how not to drink if a drink is I front of you. Well I'd no sooner drink alcohol than I would poison. I see nothing of value whatsoever in ingesting alcohol. It isn't a temptation in the least. Actually I feel sorry for people that still drink it.
I'm sure this isn't what you were looking for, but you get sober by not drinking.
Recoverer of Self
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 297
Originally Posted by mikem 
there will be a drink in front of you at one point. What do you feel that makes it so you don't drink it?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
For me, one night I told myself I was only going to have a couple glasses of wine, and, like usual, I drank to the point of a hangover the next morning. Although this had happened hundreds of times, something about that morning, September 22, 2014, was totally different. I decided that I couldn't go on drinking. I call it My "ah-ha" moment, and I've never looked back.
The sobriety package didn't come about as neatly wrapped as it sounds, however. I had tried many, many times to moderate. I had once quit for 30 days a number of years ago, and again for 11 days later on. Both times I "rewarded" myself for it, and we all know how it goes from there. Getting sober is not easy, but it is sooo worth it! I couldn't imagine being back to the point I was before I quit drinking. But if I ever take that first drink, that is exactly what will happen. I am a happy, peaceful person now. I can't and won't risk that being taken away from me by alcohol.
The sobriety package didn't come about as neatly wrapped as it sounds, however. I had tried many, many times to moderate. I had once quit for 30 days a number of years ago, and again for 11 days later on. Both times I "rewarded" myself for it, and we all know how it goes from there. Getting sober is not easy, but it is sooo worth it! I couldn't imagine being back to the point I was before I quit drinking. But if I ever take that first drink, that is exactly what will happen. I am a happy, peaceful person now. I can't and won't risk that being taken away from me by alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
There's nothing generic about sharing our experience Mike.
If the answers seem similar I gently suggest there's a reason for that - and it's not that you're some how intrinsically different to us.
I used to believe I was different - and truthfully there's not many university educated, musicians with cerebral palsy here...
but although I may be unique in various ways, my problem's not.
This is a large community - whatever you're dealing with the odds are very high that at least one of us has gone through a similar thing, perhaps even worse.
I really believe it's not that some of us can't get sober - I believe everyone can - it's that some of us convince ourselves we can't.
Don't think yourself out of a solution Mike
D
If the answers seem similar I gently suggest there's a reason for that - and it's not that you're some how intrinsically different to us.
I used to believe I was different - and truthfully there's not many university educated, musicians with cerebral palsy here...
but although I may be unique in various ways, my problem's not.
This is a large community - whatever you're dealing with the odds are very high that at least one of us has gone through a similar thing, perhaps even worse.
I really believe it's not that some of us can't get sober - I believe everyone can - it's that some of us convince ourselves we can't.
Don't think yourself out of a solution Mike
D
Originally Posted by MikeM
"There's nothing any of us has done you can't do."
Not true. My mental illness does make certain things impossible.
"You just aren't choosing to."
Not true.
"As Truly posted, he wanted to be sober more than he wanted to be drunk.
Until you feel that and act on it, you'll repeat the tragic cycle you are in."
I want to be sober and do not have any desire to be drunk. It ties back into my mental illness. My brain literally functions differently from others. In fact, I have so many problems, they were surprised at the scans. "One of a kind". "Never seen this before". Cute but it did not lead to solutions. Yeah, maybe brain surgery, damage surgery, disabling certain pathways in the brain. No thank you.
I am bothered by the one size fits all approach here. Can't quit? You don't want to get sober more than drinking. And many more statements.
It is not true!!! Not for me. Always assess the individual in front of you.
I know you guys mean well, but are so off-track sometimes. Which is fine, What is not fine is no one listening to me, being in the mindset of "What is going on with THIS person?". After a couple of my messages you guys should have gotten a clue. I didn't want to share the above, but I had to. Otherwise it would be the same old song, over and over again.
What bothers me is that no one looked into the person that I am and my reasons for not being able to quit. All there was, was regurgitation. Same response to everyone. That is a problem.
So yeah, I'm trying to quit. Not sure if this is the place to do it though. Not with this generic approach.
Not true. My mental illness does make certain things impossible.
"You just aren't choosing to."
Not true.
"As Truly posted, he wanted to be sober more than he wanted to be drunk.
Until you feel that and act on it, you'll repeat the tragic cycle you are in."
I want to be sober and do not have any desire to be drunk. It ties back into my mental illness. My brain literally functions differently from others. In fact, I have so many problems, they were surprised at the scans. "One of a kind". "Never seen this before". Cute but it did not lead to solutions. Yeah, maybe brain surgery, damage surgery, disabling certain pathways in the brain. No thank you.
I am bothered by the one size fits all approach here. Can't quit? You don't want to get sober more than drinking. And many more statements.
It is not true!!! Not for me. Always assess the individual in front of you.
I know you guys mean well, but are so off-track sometimes. Which is fine, What is not fine is no one listening to me, being in the mindset of "What is going on with THIS person?". After a couple of my messages you guys should have gotten a clue. I didn't want to share the above, but I had to. Otherwise it would be the same old song, over and over again.
What bothers me is that no one looked into the person that I am and my reasons for not being able to quit. All there was, was regurgitation. Same response to everyone. That is a problem.
So yeah, I'm trying to quit. Not sure if this is the place to do it though. Not with this generic approach.
Dyl71
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 88
Mike,
I was lucky enough to have a sponsor who said it best:
"Drink or Don't drink, it's your choice. No one can make these choices for you, no matter how much they want to see you succeed."
In the last week alone, You've created thread after eloquently written thread, comments full of speculation, melancholy and philosophical musings requests for support about how to get sober.
IMHO, these discussions are going around in circles. We all are doing are best trying to answer your questions with real life stories and examples but eventually ......it goes back to the old saying - "Either **** or get off the pot. Actions speak louder than words."
I'm wishing you all the best, but ultimately, you're the one in the drivers seat. Please don't crash.
I was lucky enough to have a sponsor who said it best:
"Drink or Don't drink, it's your choice. No one can make these choices for you, no matter how much they want to see you succeed."
In the last week alone, You've created thread after eloquently written thread, comments full of speculation, melancholy and philosophical musings requests for support about how to get sober.
IMHO, these discussions are going around in circles. We all are doing are best trying to answer your questions with real life stories and examples but eventually ......it goes back to the old saying - "Either **** or get off the pot. Actions speak louder than words."
I'm wishing you all the best, but ultimately, you're the one in the drivers seat. Please don't crash.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
Hi Mike,
I too cannot stop drinking once I start. So the easiest way to be sober is to not start drinking.
Try to get a good night's sleep. It is easier to quit when you are more sober. It is almost impossible to quit when you are still drinking/drunk and have more booze in front of you. Get rid of it somehow. And leave nothing for the morning. When you get up, do not get more, do not drink. Come here and read and post and start your sobriety.
I too cannot stop drinking once I start. So the easiest way to be sober is to not start drinking.
Try to get a good night's sleep. It is easier to quit when you are more sober. It is almost impossible to quit when you are still drinking/drunk and have more booze in front of you. Get rid of it somehow. And leave nothing for the morning. When you get up, do not get more, do not drink. Come here and read and post and start your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
When people say to pour out the booze right away and get some sleep, I am perplexed because I could never do that on a binge. My girlfriend at the time came home one day and did it for me. Against my wishes of course.
Ask someone else to pour it out for you if you can't bring yourself to do it
Ask someone else to pour it out for you if you can't bring yourself to do it
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I have never poured out alcohol either. If it was around, I was hell-bent on drinking every last drop.
Then, of course, the day came when I decided the game was over. I never brought another bottle of wine into my house. It's not allowed here. That's my personal rule.
Whichever way you've got to do it, by pouring it out or by not procuring more, the decision must be made. And then you follow through.
Then, of course, the day came when I decided the game was over. I never brought another bottle of wine into my house. It's not allowed here. That's my personal rule.
Whichever way you've got to do it, by pouring it out or by not procuring more, the decision must be made. And then you follow through.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Originally Posted by MikeM
"There's nothing any of us has done you can't do."
Not true. My mental illness does make certain things impossible.
"You just aren't choosing to."
Not true.
"As Truly posted, he wanted to be sober more than he wanted to be drunk.
Until you feel that and act on it, you'll repeat the tragic cycle you are in."
I want to be sober and do not have any desire to be drunk. It ties back into my mental illness. My brain literally functions differently from others. In fact, I have so many problems, they were surprised at the scans. "One of a kind". "Never seen this before". Cute but it did not lead to solutions. Yeah, maybe brain surgery, damage surgery, disabling certain pathways in the brain. No thank you.
I am bothered by the one size fits all approach here. Can't quit? You don't want to get sober more than drinking. And many more statements.
It is not true!!! Not for me. Always assess the individual in front of you.
I know you guys mean well, but are so off-track sometimes. Which is fine, What is not fine is no one listening to me, being in the mindset of "What is going on with THIS person?". After a couple of my messages you guys should have gotten a clue. I didn't want to share the above, but I had to. Otherwise it would be the same old song, over and over again.
What bothers me is that no one looked into the person that I am and my reasons for not being able to quit. All there was, was regurgitation. Same response to everyone. That is a problem.
So yeah, I'm trying to quit. Not sure if this is the place to do it though. Not with this generic approach.
Not true. My mental illness does make certain things impossible.
"You just aren't choosing to."
Not true.
"As Truly posted, he wanted to be sober more than he wanted to be drunk.
Until you feel that and act on it, you'll repeat the tragic cycle you are in."
I want to be sober and do not have any desire to be drunk. It ties back into my mental illness. My brain literally functions differently from others. In fact, I have so many problems, they were surprised at the scans. "One of a kind". "Never seen this before". Cute but it did not lead to solutions. Yeah, maybe brain surgery, damage surgery, disabling certain pathways in the brain. No thank you.
I am bothered by the one size fits all approach here. Can't quit? You don't want to get sober more than drinking. And many more statements.
It is not true!!! Not for me. Always assess the individual in front of you.
I know you guys mean well, but are so off-track sometimes. Which is fine, What is not fine is no one listening to me, being in the mindset of "What is going on with THIS person?". After a couple of my messages you guys should have gotten a clue. I didn't want to share the above, but I had to. Otherwise it would be the same old song, over and over again.
What bothers me is that no one looked into the person that I am and my reasons for not being able to quit. All there was, was regurgitation. Same response to everyone. That is a problem.
So yeah, I'm trying to quit. Not sure if this is the place to do it though. Not with this generic approach.
The question is: what are you going to do with it?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 146
Okay Mike. You have now said "step 1" in a round-about way. You are powerless over alcohol. This may be because of your unique mental illness issues or your special brain, but what isn't unique about you is that you are "powerless". All alcoholics, by definition, are powerless over alcohol and until you can admit that your life is unmanageable due largely to the presence of alcohol, you will continue to drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by MikeM
What is going on in your mind and feelings that makes you not drink? What do you feel? What do you think?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
Speaking for myself, and assuming others are being honest in their posts...we are telling you what worked for us, individually. Whatever "generic" approach you've gleaned from reading the replies is on you.
None of us here have the responsibility to look into Mike's personality, psychological make-up, or brain scans.
That's for your psychologist.
We are telling you how we did it, as individuals.
Personally, I pay more attention to the posts written from an experiential angle than to the ones giving advice.
None of us here have the responsibility to look into Mike's personality, psychological make-up, or brain scans.
That's for your psychologist.
We are telling you how we did it, as individuals.
Personally, I pay more attention to the posts written from an experiential angle than to the ones giving advice.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Mike, I too thought I was special and somehow "deserved" to drink and wallow in self pity because of my "horrible" circumstances that were "so much worse" than anyone else's. My battle wasn't a unique mental illness but other life circumstances.
Turns out I'm not all that unique after all.
I too had what I felt was an impossible time stopping. So I whined and whined and drank and cried and moaned and drank and whined and drank and whined and cried and drank and cried and drank and drank.
I posted and sometimes felt "but you don't understand me, it is different, I really can't do it!" And on and on it went. Until I finally got help. You said you cannot stop, but I think that needs to be edited to "I cannot stop without help" If that is the case, it is up to you to get help. I went to an outpatient addiction center and did everything they told me to do- meetings, appointments with an addiction specialist, reading books prescribed to me and taking a medication for cravings. The medication in particular gave me a huge boost and allowed me to practice recognizing my cravings and saying no to them with the assistance of a medical crutch. Once I felt as though I had enough practice not picking up the first drink I stopped the medication. My struggles are far from over but at least I have finally set off on the right path. What can you do to get going on the right path? A couple of days of not drinking without the backup of a solid plan does not really count as starting on the right path by the way- I found that out the hard way.
Turns out I'm not all that unique after all.
I too had what I felt was an impossible time stopping. So I whined and whined and drank and cried and moaned and drank and whined and drank and whined and cried and drank and cried and drank and drank.
I posted and sometimes felt "but you don't understand me, it is different, I really can't do it!" And on and on it went. Until I finally got help. You said you cannot stop, but I think that needs to be edited to "I cannot stop without help" If that is the case, it is up to you to get help. I went to an outpatient addiction center and did everything they told me to do- meetings, appointments with an addiction specialist, reading books prescribed to me and taking a medication for cravings. The medication in particular gave me a huge boost and allowed me to practice recognizing my cravings and saying no to them with the assistance of a medical crutch. Once I felt as though I had enough practice not picking up the first drink I stopped the medication. My struggles are far from over but at least I have finally set off on the right path. What can you do to get going on the right path? A couple of days of not drinking without the backup of a solid plan does not really count as starting on the right path by the way- I found that out the hard way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by MikeM
What is going on in your mind and feelings that makes you not drink? What do you feel? What do you think?
But I have chosen to accept and deal with them in sobriety, and I have made changes and out in place supports and tools that help me honor that choice.
To me, it feels like you're trying to think your way to 'the answer'.
I didn't attain sobriety through thinking. I got there through action and change in my thinking that came about due to action.
And not drinking.
Have you read AA's Big Book?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by least
It wouldn't matter to me how many drinks were in front of me - I'm not interested in drinking. I'm a non drinker now and like it that way. My life is much simpler and happier sober.
I'm a non drinker now and like it that way. My life is much simpler and happier sober. Me too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Dyl71
Mike,
I was lucky enough to have a sponsor who said it best:
"Drink or Don't drink, it's your choice. No one can make these choices for you, no matter how much they want to see you succeed."
In the last week alone, You've created thread after eloquently written thread, comments full of speculation, melancholy and philosophical musings requests for support about how to get sober.
IMHO, these discussions are going around in circles. We all are doing are best trying to answer your questions with real life stories and examples but eventually ......it goes back to the old saying - "Either **** or get off the pot. Actions speak louder than words."
I'm wishing you all the best, but ultimately, you're the one in the drivers seat. Please don't crash.
I was lucky enough to have a sponsor who said it best:
"Drink or Don't drink, it's your choice. No one can make these choices for you, no matter how much they want to see you succeed."
In the last week alone, You've created thread after eloquently written thread, comments full of speculation, melancholy and philosophical musings requests for support about how to get sober.
IMHO, these discussions are going around in circles. We all are doing are best trying to answer your questions with real life stories and examples but eventually ......it goes back to the old saying - "Either **** or get off the pot. Actions speak louder than words."
I'm wishing you all the best, but ultimately, you're the one in the drivers seat. Please don't crash.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by MikeM
This goes for everyone who has quit successfully:
What do you feel and think when there's a drink in front of you?
What do you feel and think when there's a drink in front of you?
On Saturday night a drink was put in front of me. I was out with my husband and some friends, one of these was a little worse for the wear -- he'd been pouring for himself -- and he insisted on pouring for me though he heard me say that I was not drinking.
I've had people insist I wanted a drink before but not to this extent.
It was a chilled sauvignon blanc and it was a hot humid summer night. For about ten seconds I mentally romanticised that wine -- how good it would taste, what it would be like to run my finger down the condensation on the glass, how good it would be to laugh over "one or two".
That's when my (now trained) brain went into action: I stood up, smelled that vile smell of alcohol, thought about vomiting up the beautiful meal I'd just consumed, thought about wasting my Sunday being sick and sorry for myself, thought about SR, my class, Anna and Dee; thought about the smart white outfit I had on and how I wanted it to stay that way.
That's what I felt and thought.
I went to the loo, smartened myself up, asked the waiter for a sparkling water with loads of ice and lime. I went back to the table and sat at the other end and enjoyed the rest of the evening.
I was buzzed but in a different way to the way you are talking about.
My willpower is no stronger than yours or anyone else's, I just held firm to the fact that I don't drink. And if I don't drink then I don't drink today and I deal with tomorrow tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
There once was a mountain (or more accurately "there is a mountain"). And there were several paths up that mountain, paths initially steep, challenging, better to negotiate with the help of others, but gradually becoming less steep, smoother. Paths leading to meadows on the mountain top. And a man, uncomfortable down below, stood by and asked his friends, "Why can I not go up any of these paths?" They replied, "You can. Let us help you!" But the man said, "I'm different. Can't you see. I'm different! I can't go on any of those paths. But I'm miserable where I am. That's just the way it is."
The friends are there. They will always be there. Holding out their hands to help. But it takes two to make a handshake.
W.
The friends are there. They will always be there. Holding out their hands to help. But it takes two to make a handshake.
W.
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