She Rears Her Head...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I'm here Dee : ) ...Good gracious it's wonderful to see oh so many familiar welcomes. Seeing so many "familiar's" still here sticking with it (and returning) is a damn good thing. Last night my partner and I went out for dinner eaching of us choosing coffee as our beverage of choice (given the freezing temperatures it wasnt' a hard one...even the server said .."wow ..so many coffee drinkers tonight. It' so unusual""). Anyhoo at one point a fellow sidled up to the service bar before us and ordered a glass of wine. He is a local businessman I have seen at the same establishment I work at. I looked at his tall stemmed bulbuous beverage and was indeed a tad wistful...
But in that moment I realized, that romantic notion of a glass of wine and good conversation is always just a figament of my imagination... it's a doomed romance over and over and over and over and over ad nauseum....
I am not one of those capable of simply enjoying a glass of wine or two for too damn long. Soon ..it's hell bent for leather. Ya see..... booze hits me hard right off the hop. There is this euphoria that happens so damn quickly and I just don't want it to end...and I start to re-apply hard and fast scared it will slip away. And of course it always does...that euphoria is fleeting. It's a shortcut to something my impulsive, self gratifying nature wants so very desperately...
But ya see... I know well enough now that those moments DO occur in sobriety also...but they ain't at the flick of a switch (or the sip of a glass). This morning as I was reading a new Gabor Mate book I picked up, something he says made me wonder why time and time again I return to unconsciousness...numbness...denial...escape...whe n I know the rewards and wonders of sobriety. I just don't know....I really don't...
For those asking what I should do differently? Figure me, but I have tried most everything.... I don't know. All I do know (like quitting smoking....drinking and smoking me always seem to go hand in hand). I just gotta keep trying...and that's exactly what I intend to do. I am far too battle weary to have much confidence...but I do have hope. Sooner or later...it's gotta stick.
Maybe this time.
But in that moment I realized, that romantic notion of a glass of wine and good conversation is always just a figament of my imagination... it's a doomed romance over and over and over and over and over ad nauseum....
I am not one of those capable of simply enjoying a glass of wine or two for too damn long. Soon ..it's hell bent for leather. Ya see..... booze hits me hard right off the hop. There is this euphoria that happens so damn quickly and I just don't want it to end...and I start to re-apply hard and fast scared it will slip away. And of course it always does...that euphoria is fleeting. It's a shortcut to something my impulsive, self gratifying nature wants so very desperately...
But ya see... I know well enough now that those moments DO occur in sobriety also...but they ain't at the flick of a switch (or the sip of a glass). This morning as I was reading a new Gabor Mate book I picked up, something he says made me wonder why time and time again I return to unconsciousness...numbness...denial...escape...whe n I know the rewards and wonders of sobriety. I just don't know....I really don't...
For those asking what I should do differently? Figure me, but I have tried most everything.... I don't know. All I do know (like quitting smoking....drinking and smoking me always seem to go hand in hand). I just gotta keep trying...and that's exactly what I intend to do. I am far too battle weary to have much confidence...but I do have hope. Sooner or later...it's gotta stick.
Maybe this time.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Nuu, so very good to see you back.
And, you will never go wrong reading Gabor Mate, a fellow-Canadian. He is gentle and brilliant.
It's okay if you don't have much confidence right now because that will grow each day as you get through another sober day. You will become strong.
And, you will never go wrong reading Gabor Mate, a fellow-Canadian. He is gentle and brilliant.
It's okay if you don't have much confidence right now because that will grow each day as you get through another sober day. You will become strong.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Anna 
Nuu, so very good to see you back.
And, you will never go wrong reading Gabor Mate, a fellow-Canadian. He is gentle and brilliant.
It's okay if you don't have much confidence right now because that will grow each day as you get through another sober day. You will become strong.
And, you will never go wrong reading Gabor Mate, a fellow-Canadian. He is gentle and brilliant.
It's okay if you don't have much confidence right now because that will grow each day as you get through another sober day. You will become strong.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I had to be pretty badly mangled and hit my head hard several times before I became willing to change. Overcoming the though of oh well, I guess this is it......was the biggest obstacle towards the end of my drinking. I had to find a reason - we all have them and with some sobriety things became pretty clear I wanted to live and not succumb to alcohol.
Glad you posted
Glad you posted
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
For those asking what I should do differently? Figure me, but I have tried most everything.... I don't know. All I do know (like quitting smoking....drinking and smoking me always seem to go hand in hand). I just gotta keep trying...and that's exactly what I intend to do. I am far too battle weary to have much confidence...but I do have hope. Sooner or later...it's gotta stick.
Maybe this time.
Maybe this time.
me quitting drinking....and then me doing whatever I had to do to stay quit.
I'm not saying it's easy...but it is pretty simple.
If you have trouble with staying quit then that's what I'd work on, Nuu
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Originally Posted by Dee74
I found quitting drinking required two things
me quitting drinking....and then me doing whatever I had to do to stay quit.
I'm not saying it's easy...but it is pretty simple.
If you have trouble with staying quit then that's what I'd work on, Nuu
D
me quitting drinking....and then me doing whatever I had to do to stay quit.
I'm not saying it's easy...but it is pretty simple.
If you have trouble with staying quit then that's what I'd work on, Nuu
D
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