Soberish

Well its back to school again with a brand new place. The last place was barely coming around to being familiar to me when I realized it was time to move on to a new place due to reasons out of my control.

This quarter is going to be a test of my strength and will power. Rewind to the start of last quarter (my first quarter at the new school) and I was on day 1 of no drinking and smoking pot and I was a nervous wreck. I had decided to put off some tough classes and took 3 easier courses to try to ease into the new school, new place, and sobriety.

Now I'm taking 4 classes instead of 3. 3 of them are science courses and 1 is a history course. On top of this I'm needing to get up super early now! I've got a new place now and the place is better in terms of living conditions, but the dynamics are different here. The people I am renting from are nice but I find myself feeling like an intruder to their home for some reason. My last place had its own access to the house so didnt need to see the people I was renting from on a daily basis. This is only my 3rd day here so i guess its normal to feel this way. I've just got a lot on my mind and its difficult to feel comfortable here so far. Ive got kitchen access but find it a bit nerve wracking to cook or prepare meals in this new home. I've never done this whole shared kitchen thing in my life.

Anyways, its 6:30AM here and its crunch time. Ive got to get ready and head out to see what the traffic situation will be like from here to the campus. Im estimating a 20 to 30 minute drive instead of the 10 minute drive I had at my last location. I had a rough night getting to sleep earlier last night very nervous and full of anxiety.....

Jsbodhi

First week of classes are always stressful! Especially in a new place xo
You'll be fine, just take it easy today and take some time to explore your new campus and neighbourhood.
This could be the start of the most amazing time in your life!
Xo

Dharma33

Best of luck today, Soberish!!!

Anna

Soberish, it's normal to be anxious as you're going to start a new semester at school, but it will be so much easier for you if you stay sober.

Have a great day!

PurpleKnight

Hope it all goes well Soberish!!

Dee74

Wishing you the best Soberish - by mid semester you'll be an old hand at all these new things

D

Soberish

Today was a bit up and down throughout the whole day. I've experienced anxiety about 3 different times throughout the day and I've talked myself out of all of it except this last one I'm currently experiencing.

I left my girlfriend here at the house while I went to school today. I didn't really want to do that because I didn't want the people I'm staying with to take it the wrong way. I had talked to them about her staying here from time to time and they were fine with it, but when I got home the lady asked to speak to me about converting the room over to be a private access room!

That to me just set off a red flag that she is already having second thoughts about this whole situation. I told her that there wasn't really a need for that because that sounds like a lot of work. She then said I should discuss it with my girlfriend and I told her that she doesn't even have a say in something like that! It just made me feel really awkward.

The lady is very nice and I was very nice about it too. I just told her if she had a problem with anything that she should let me know because I don't want her to feel like I'm intruding. She insisted everything was fine and that she was just thinking about me and that she has thought about converting it over to a private access before which is why she asked.

I don't know guys but now I'm feeling like I may not have a place to stay here in the near future or something. I reassured her that my girlfriend would only be staying a couple times a week and that some weeks I go to visit her instead of her coming around. I also said that I don't plan on her staying here when I'm not here and if that I wouldn't do it again. She said that it wasn't a problem.

I dunno I'm really kinda worried now.

Soberish

I really hope that by mid semester everything will be worked out Dee, I would really like that. Maybe its just been a long day, I got up super early and am not adjusted to this schedule yet.

soberclover

Soberish I totally agree with you about the fact that it has been a long day full of all kinds of emotions and thoughts and newness. Your body and your mind is tired. I learned early in my sobriety that H.A.L.T (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) are triggers for me and I need to slow down and address if I've got one or more of those things going on. I think you are Tired. This is an exciting time of your life....I'm jealous in some ways....I'm at a different stage in my life...things aren't as new and exciting and I have a lot of deeply planted roots. You are smart for checking in here....

MIRecovery

All any of us can do, is the best we can do. Putting outcomes in the hands of our higher power while living a day at a time

Soberish

You're right clover, I'm just tired and burned out. I went for a drive right now and talked this over with my girlfriend and mother and got a different perspective on things. SR can help me to also get some of my emotions out and gain some new perspective as well.

This time in my life is new but it has been really hard to see it as exciting. Sometimes I want to go back to my hometown, my "deeply planted roots", even though I was just there.

I prayed yesterday and I said I needed help to take this new part of my life day by day. There is nothing else I can do about this situation really, I might be overthinking everything but this conversation I had with the landlord really caught me off guard. A moment away from it all and some conversation about it really helped. I can definitely relate to this post MI.

PennyLane76

Hi Soberish. I remember your posts when you were in a new town, new school and freshly sober. You had anxiety and were nervous as heck but made it through your classes, and still are sober. YAAY!

Maybe the landlord really was thinking about making your space private access before you moved in, and thinks you would like that. Who wouldnt? Sounds like a positive to me. Might make her more comfortable too. If she plans to remain a landlord for a bit then it makes sense?

Soberish

Hi Sadie! Glad you remember my original posts. I was a nervous wreck then and today I felt a lot of it come back. Not good, but I need to quit psyching myself out I think.

You may very well be right that she had planned this before, I don't really doubt it. The good thing is that I think she may have felt bad about the whole situation so she actually called me and asked if I could help her with something. It sort of smoothed things over and that's good so I'm just going to leave it at that.

It's possible that she could be just as nervous as I am about this whole new living situation.