Let's share our suggestions on how to deal with anger
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Learning to deal with anger, or any emotion, is not easy, or quick. In the beginning, I had to come up with a short-term solution.
It's okay to be angry.
It's not okay to drink over it.
It's okay to be angry.
It's not okay to drink over it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Chester, UK
Posts: 684
Originally Posted by Behan 
If our rules are broken and we do not react, I think we are suppressing our anger. Where does it go? This can be a big trigger for substance misuse as we take the anger out on ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
Thanks for this thread- a lot of good ideas here.
I use yoga too and (as Yogini), get Yoga Journal for good ideas. Yin yoga with guided meditation seems to work best for me.
Been thinking of new approaches to deal with 'negative' emotions. Seems as if life is a series of Lessons in Humility. And that's a good thing-- if I let it be.
An SR friend has the signature "Look back but don't stare". I love this. When faced with a situation that's not good, or I can do nothing about (past or present), I try to picture some 'scene' on the road. There's someone waving me by- "Nothing to see here, Toki. Nothing at all. Just move along now..."
I use yoga too and (as Yogini), get Yoga Journal for good ideas. Yin yoga with guided meditation seems to work best for me.
Been thinking of new approaches to deal with 'negative' emotions. Seems as if life is a series of Lessons in Humility. And that's a good thing-- if I let it be.
An SR friend has the signature "Look back but don't stare". I love this. When faced with a situation that's not good, or I can do nothing about (past or present), I try to picture some 'scene' on the road. There's someone waving me by- "Nothing to see here, Toki. Nothing at all. Just move along now..."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
I like this one a lot from Tokidoki:
An SR friend has the signature "Look back but don't stare". I love this. When faced with a situation that's not good, or I can do nothing about (past or present), I try to picture some 'scene' on the road. There's someone waving me by- "Nothing to see here, Toki. Nothing at all. Just move along now..."
That's exactly the kind of attitude I need. Just walk on by and keep my mind focussed on more interesting things.
One or two things I don't understand in other people's posts.
1. What are the "four agreements"?
2. What is "the resentment prayer from the stories"? Is that some AA thing I've missed?
I do notice that my hangover gets smaller the more I work my AA programme.
__________________
An SR friend has the signature "Look back but don't stare". I love this. When faced with a situation that's not good, or I can do nothing about (past or present), I try to picture some 'scene' on the road. There's someone waving me by- "Nothing to see here, Toki. Nothing at all. Just move along now..."
That's exactly the kind of attitude I need. Just walk on by and keep my mind focussed on more interesting things.
One or two things I don't understand in other people's posts.
1. What are the "four agreements"?
2. What is "the resentment prayer from the stories"? Is that some AA thing I've missed?
I do notice that my hangover gets smaller the more I work my AA programme.
__________________
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
The Four Agreements come from a book of the same name by Don Miguel Ruiz
This is a brief synopsis
the four agreements, don miguel ruiz book - a code for life and personal development
I'm not sure how or when it came into recovery thinking tho
The resentment prayer, and some context, is here:
Step Four Prayer - Freedom from Resentment - Step 4 of the 12 Steps of Recovery
D
This is a brief synopsis
the four agreements, don miguel ruiz book - a code for life and personal development
I'm not sure how or when it came into recovery thinking tho
The resentment prayer, and some context, is here:
Step Four Prayer - Freedom from Resentment - Step 4 of the 12 Steps of Recovery
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I had severe anger/temper issues. I was the type that stayed quiet until I blew, and then all bets were off. I started taking medication for it right after I got married. I was hesitant because I was in denial. In hindsight it saved my marriage and possibly my life. Good topic.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I am not a fan of suppressing or misdirecting anger at this point of my life. Those strategies caused me enough problems; among others I believe that holding anger back to the point of not even allowing myself to become conscious of it had contributed to my many obsessional and addictive tendencies earlier in life.
I would say it depends on the type and extent of the anger. What works best for me is finding a harmless outlet for it. Artistic expression, exercise, or using it as a source of energy and motivation to get something done or implement changes. I also find it very meaningful and helpful to have people with whom we know each-other's motives and trust each-other well enough to express these kinds of feelings in a straightforward way either just in the form of venting or actual conflicts that we resolve in a direct and civil way. I also sometimes find that anger channeled in a productive way can be an effective antidote to anxiety.
I would say it depends on the type and extent of the anger. What works best for me is finding a harmless outlet for it. Artistic expression, exercise, or using it as a source of energy and motivation to get something done or implement changes. I also find it very meaningful and helpful to have people with whom we know each-other's motives and trust each-other well enough to express these kinds of feelings in a straightforward way either just in the form of venting or actual conflicts that we resolve in a direct and civil way. I also sometimes find that anger channeled in a productive way can be an effective antidote to anxiety.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 600
I try to remind myself that:
-anger cannot be justified.
-pausing, before reacting, is a good thing to do.
-I usually end up hurting someone if I get angry.
-anger/resentment is the worst thing for addictive people.
-"this too shall pass"
-whatever it is I'm angry about, it's not personal.
-getting angry is going to make the situation worse.
Easier said than done, but I'm working on it....
-anger cannot be justified.
-pausing, before reacting, is a good thing to do.
-I usually end up hurting someone if I get angry.
-anger/resentment is the worst thing for addictive people.
-"this too shall pass"
-whatever it is I'm angry about, it's not personal.
-getting angry is going to make the situation worse.
Easier said than done, but I'm working on it....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Thanks for all this helpful stuff. I had a situation which made me angry yesterday. I was in the gym, working out on the rowing machine. Right in front of me on the other side of the glass were two people smoking. They were only a few feet away from the fitness centre and although they could see us through the glass, it is like we were invisible to them.
I really felt like going outside and telling them how irresponsible they were to smoke there. But I didn't . I just waited a minute then carried on with my workout.
A few hours later I was in AA and I was hearing in the chair some pretty bad things that person had done when he was drinking. I had done similar things.
So that helped me balance the anger I have for other addicts with pity.
It's probably not the emotion I am aiming for but it's where I'm at now.
I really felt like going outside and telling them how irresponsible they were to smoke there. But I didn't . I just waited a minute then carried on with my workout.
A few hours later I was in AA and I was hearing in the chair some pretty bad things that person had done when he was drinking. I had done similar things.
So that helped me balance the anger I have for other addicts with pity.
It's probably not the emotion I am aiming for but it's where I'm at now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 234
"It's probably not the emotion I am aiming for but it's where I'm at now."
I loved this statement. When I ignore the feelings, they gain momentum inside me. When I am alright with where I am, I work out my issue and try to adjust my focus.
Being connected here helps me feel less crazy. Thanks for working through this, so I can more open-mindedly work through mine...
I loved this statement. When I ignore the feelings, they gain momentum inside me. When I am alright with where I am, I work out my issue and try to adjust my focus.
Being connected here helps me feel less crazy. Thanks for working through this, so I can more open-mindedly work through mine...
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