I.D.N.A.D Today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
I.D.N.A.D Today
Message that I have on repeat at 0800 hrs and 1730 hrs everyday to keep me focused and remind me.
I DONT NEED A DRINK TODAY -👨*👩*👧 👍
Puts a smile on my face each and everytime it pops up.
Just chatting with the wife and saying how much clearer the weekend without the booze and the drugs is - usually weekend at home I'd still more than likely get myself moving, usual Friday evening being around 6 to 8 strong ales or Belgian beers all between 5 & 9 % vol but right now all would be focused on that first pint around lunchtime and drinking until I can manage no more 10 bottles of ale at least being the norm and repeat again tomorrow.
Plans are - drop my mum off for a day out - straight to the gym - food shopping - drop the wife for a day out with friends - movie with my daughter - cook evening meal for the 2 of us - watch football (soccer) and actually remember what I've watched without needing to watch a repeat tomorrow morning - pick the wife up (that would never happen) - another movie perhaps - busy but more useful than normal.
I.D.N.A.D Today 😎
I DONT NEED A DRINK TODAY -👨*👩*👧 👍
Puts a smile on my face each and everytime it pops up.
Just chatting with the wife and saying how much clearer the weekend without the booze and the drugs is - usually weekend at home I'd still more than likely get myself moving, usual Friday evening being around 6 to 8 strong ales or Belgian beers all between 5 & 9 % vol but right now all would be focused on that first pint around lunchtime and drinking until I can manage no more 10 bottles of ale at least being the norm and repeat again tomorrow.
Plans are - drop my mum off for a day out - straight to the gym - food shopping - drop the wife for a day out with friends - movie with my daughter - cook evening meal for the 2 of us - watch football (soccer) and actually remember what I've watched without needing to watch a repeat tomorrow morning - pick the wife up (that would never happen) - another movie perhaps - busy but more useful than normal.
I.D.N.A.D Today 😎
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Cheers - head all over the place - currently working out and headphones in Coldplay song "sky full of stars" wife's favourite and I'm nearly in tears in here !! Wtf !! - all over the place to be honest and just trying to keep it together right now - realisation of just what a sh1t husband / father and person in general I've been for so many years, far far too long - right where I'm looking now on the wall "set your goals height and don't stop until you reach them" just taken a photo of it as a reminder.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
Sky full of stars is a beautiful song be sure to check out robin schulz remix or Kygo's remix of coldplays Midnight
& thier new hit adventure of a lifetime
& thier new hit adventure of a lifetime
Stereophonics on Friday too - only been into them a couple of years but should be a great concert even tho late tickets and sat in the gods - good to get out with the wife for a night tho.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 116
Hi Red Andy
I'm Emily and on day 2 of my cocaine addiction recovery!
I have read all of your threads now and can relate so much to you. I too have spent the last 6-7 years in a drug/ drink fuelled haze and after a particularly bad comedown after Friday nights antics I realise I just can't do it anymore. I too am a binger. Never been an everyday user but I and my husband (makes things worse that I have a partner in crime).. Would get on the gear and just keep going and going until there was no way of getting more.
I've been trying to quit for the last 6 months but around the week sober mark we get intense cravings and always seem to end up giving in... Cue disaster
This time I am adamant that things WILL be different. The days of crashing are never worth the hours of a false sense of feeling euphoric... All we are doing is destroying the chemical balance in our brains aswell as the sceptums in our noses
Don't know if this helps but you may want to look it up, after loads of research I've found a totally herbal pill called NAC that helps to fix our livers as well as the dopamine and amino acids in our brains. Our low dopamine levels contribute massively to our cravings so may help. I've started taking it today and will let you know how I get on.
All the best with your recovery. I'll be keeping an eye on your progress
I'm Emily and on day 2 of my cocaine addiction recovery!
I have read all of your threads now and can relate so much to you. I too have spent the last 6-7 years in a drug/ drink fuelled haze and after a particularly bad comedown after Friday nights antics I realise I just can't do it anymore. I too am a binger. Never been an everyday user but I and my husband (makes things worse that I have a partner in crime).. Would get on the gear and just keep going and going until there was no way of getting more.
I've been trying to quit for the last 6 months but around the week sober mark we get intense cravings and always seem to end up giving in... Cue disaster
This time I am adamant that things WILL be different. The days of crashing are never worth the hours of a false sense of feeling euphoric... All we are doing is destroying the chemical balance in our brains aswell as the sceptums in our noses
Don't know if this helps but you may want to look it up, after loads of research I've found a totally herbal pill called NAC that helps to fix our livers as well as the dopamine and amino acids in our brains. Our low dopamine levels contribute massively to our cravings so may help. I've started taking it today and will let you know how I get on.
All the best with your recovery. I'll be keeping an eye on your progress
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thanks Emily - appreciate your kind words and takin the time read thro my threads / posts, sure we'll be keeping an eye on each other on here regarding progress - I'm deffo here to stay !!
Thanks for the heads up re NAC will check that out.
My usage isn't what it once was and has been limited to when out / away from home - previously was every weekend and know how as the weekend comes along the pull is to great meaning no matter how much you've convinced yourself the previous Monday it just overwhelms and off you go again that resulted in me using daily for a couple of months until I collapsed and promised myself and my wife that I would stop and get myself off the stuff - managed that for 2 years until one night at an awards night I foolishly went back to it - was in a state of oblivion on the ale and still smoking weed like it was going out of fashion but the class a's had been left alone - bang as soon as I did that it was back on and for the last 6 years I've been back at it - last 4 years after knocking the football on the head meaning not out every weekend I've limited it and told myself because of that its fine and no problem - might go 3 or 4 weeks sometimes a little longer without using but when I do it's ridiculous the amounts of top grade too - always only a phone call away too when / if it runs out - pills or mdma left right and centre - someone has 1 I'll have 3 just trying to get as off it as possible and be the big time charlie - even with a few chest pains which of course I know are a problem I don't stop - absolute madness !!
One thing I would say to you though is having stopped it previously with a drink inside me there is always going to be potential to return to old ways hence the reason I've finally accepted that's what has to stop if I'm ever going to get things right - that and the fact I'm an absolute idiot once p1ssed - I've even accepted that smoking weed is a none starter also - the lot stops or I'll only keep going back and never truly sort myself out.
Good luck and look forward to keeping up with your progress also.
Thanks for the heads up re NAC will check that out.
My usage isn't what it once was and has been limited to when out / away from home - previously was every weekend and know how as the weekend comes along the pull is to great meaning no matter how much you've convinced yourself the previous Monday it just overwhelms and off you go again that resulted in me using daily for a couple of months until I collapsed and promised myself and my wife that I would stop and get myself off the stuff - managed that for 2 years until one night at an awards night I foolishly went back to it - was in a state of oblivion on the ale and still smoking weed like it was going out of fashion but the class a's had been left alone - bang as soon as I did that it was back on and for the last 6 years I've been back at it - last 4 years after knocking the football on the head meaning not out every weekend I've limited it and told myself because of that its fine and no problem - might go 3 or 4 weeks sometimes a little longer without using but when I do it's ridiculous the amounts of top grade too - always only a phone call away too when / if it runs out - pills or mdma left right and centre - someone has 1 I'll have 3 just trying to get as off it as possible and be the big time charlie - even with a few chest pains which of course I know are a problem I don't stop - absolute madness !!
One thing I would say to you though is having stopped it previously with a drink inside me there is always going to be potential to return to old ways hence the reason I've finally accepted that's what has to stop if I'm ever going to get things right - that and the fact I'm an absolute idiot once p1ssed - I've even accepted that smoking weed is a none starter also - the lot stops or I'll only keep going back and never truly sort myself out.
Good luck and look forward to keeping up with your progress also.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 56
Thanks for sharing. Your story is somewhat common on here. Like myself, a lot of used the drink to get us on all sorts including blow and the like. What a nightmare I turned into. Only on day 3 and the goal is to make it to day 4. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by RedAndy
Thanks Emily - appreciate your kind words and takin the time read thro my threads / posts, sure we'll be keeping an eye on each other on here regarding progress - I'm deffo here to stay !!
Thanks for the heads up re NAC will check that out.
My usage isn't what it once was and has been limited to when out / away from home - previously was every weekend and know how as the weekend comes along the pull is to great meaning no matter how much you've convinced yourself the previous Monday it just overwhelms and off you go again that resulted in me using daily for a couple of months until I collapsed and promised myself and my wife that I would stop and get myself off the stuff - managed that for 2 years until one night at an awards night I foolishly went back to it - was in a state of oblivion on the ale and still smoking weed like it was going out of fashion but the class a's had been left alone - bang as soon as I did that it was back on and for the last 6 years I've been back at it - last 4 years after knocking the football on the head meaning not out every weekend I've limited it and told myself because of that its fine and no problem - might go 3 or 4 weeks sometimes a little longer without using but when I do it's ridiculous the amounts of top grade too - always only a phone call away too when / if it runs out - pills or mdma left right and centre - someone has 1 I'll have 3 just trying to get as off it as possible and be the big time charlie - even with a few chest pains which of course I know are a problem I don't stop - absolute madness !!
One thing I would say to you though is having stopped it previously with a drink inside me there is always going to be potential to return to old ways hence the reason I've finally accepted that's what has to stop if I'm ever going to get things right - that and the fact I'm an absolute idiot once p1ssed - I've even accepted that smoking weed is a none starter also - the lot stops or I'll only keep going back and never truly sort myself out.
Good luck and look forward to keeping up with your progress also.
Thanks for the heads up re NAC will check that out.
My usage isn't what it once was and has been limited to when out / away from home - previously was every weekend and know how as the weekend comes along the pull is to great meaning no matter how much you've convinced yourself the previous Monday it just overwhelms and off you go again that resulted in me using daily for a couple of months until I collapsed and promised myself and my wife that I would stop and get myself off the stuff - managed that for 2 years until one night at an awards night I foolishly went back to it - was in a state of oblivion on the ale and still smoking weed like it was going out of fashion but the class a's had been left alone - bang as soon as I did that it was back on and for the last 6 years I've been back at it - last 4 years after knocking the football on the head meaning not out every weekend I've limited it and told myself because of that its fine and no problem - might go 3 or 4 weeks sometimes a little longer without using but when I do it's ridiculous the amounts of top grade too - always only a phone call away too when / if it runs out - pills or mdma left right and centre - someone has 1 I'll have 3 just trying to get as off it as possible and be the big time charlie - even with a few chest pains which of course I know are a problem I don't stop - absolute madness !!
One thing I would say to you though is having stopped it previously with a drink inside me there is always going to be potential to return to old ways hence the reason I've finally accepted that's what has to stop if I'm ever going to get things right - that and the fact I'm an absolute idiot once p1ssed - I've even accepted that smoking weed is a none starter also - the lot stops or I'll only keep going back and never truly sort myself out.
Good luck and look forward to keeping up with your progress also.
Drinking goes hand in had with the gear in my case so If one stops the other has to also. The drink doesn't worry me as much as I never crave alcohol. I only seem to crave getting high and drink accompanies that.
Here's to us changing our lives... Once and for all!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It's really common for emotions to be all over the place in early sobriety, too.
I kept saying, "I'm so raw." I really wanted to crawl out of my skin in early days. Everything seems so . . insurmountable . .
It dies down. The poor brain is trying to find homeostasis, the nervous system is on high alert, the heart rate is elevated making us feel anxious. A lot of the feelings of panic or being unable to control emotions gets better around three months or so. Hang on, it is a roller coaster sometimes.
I kept saying, "I'm so raw." I really wanted to crawl out of my skin in early days. Everything seems so . . insurmountable . .
It dies down. The poor brain is trying to find homeostasis, the nervous system is on high alert, the heart rate is elevated making us feel anxious. A lot of the feelings of panic or being unable to control emotions gets better around three months or so. Hang on, it is a roller coaster sometimes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thanks Bimini - sure is all over the place - low as anything yesterday late afternoon and evening and same as I woke this morning fairly early, working from home today as I have my first appointment for recovery in an hour so decided to get up when I woke and took myself straight to the gym to life the mood - not sure it worked to well as felt exhausted but did what I set out to do, then went into mad panic mode when a couple of colleagues advised they weren't aware of my plans (had told both last week) and that leavin just one of the younger guys on his own in the office as they are both on holiday today after the weekend away, stressed straight away with that Which I could have done without - things like that normally water of a ducks back but the slightest thing messing with me right now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 116
Hey Red Andy
Sorry to hear you've had a bad day!
Mine has been similar... Head all over the place and feeling pretty stressed! You know I said I never crave alcohol.... Apparently I lied as I am really craving an ice cold Chardonnay right now
We know how that'll end up!
So I'm not giving into that urge and instead have an ice cold cherry Coke (cola lol) and I'm hitting my pit now... Bring on an early night... Here's to our heads feeling clearer soon x
Sorry to hear you've had a bad day!
Mine has been similar... Head all over the place and feeling pretty stressed! You know I said I never crave alcohol.... Apparently I lied as I am really craving an ice cold Chardonnay right now
We know how that'll end up!
So I'm not giving into that urge and instead have an ice cold cherry Coke (cola lol) and I'm hitting my pit now... Bring on an early night... Here's to our heads feeling clearer soon x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Hi Emily,
Must admit the day did get better, after I went for my appointment at lunchtime I got home and got my head stuck into a bit of work and then helped out with cooking a roast - once busy my head cleared and the mood lifted a bit.
Glad to hear you only had the Coke ahem cola.
Feel I'm getting the ball rolling now as I have first group meeting on Thursday - so glad I found SR tho - been a huge help over the last week.
Must admit the day did get better, after I went for my appointment at lunchtime I got home and got my head stuck into a bit of work and then helped out with cooking a roast - once busy my head cleared and the mood lifted a bit.
Glad to hear you only had the Coke ahem cola.
Feel I'm getting the ball rolling now as I have first group meeting on Thursday - so glad I found SR tho - been a huge help over the last week.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Not quite following there Thomas - if you're asking me then the answer is a resounding yes - I've removed myself from all temptation - already cancelled trips away that were planned and booked both of the last 2 weekends - cancelled Xmas party and advised a few close friends as to where I'm at - opened up to the wife completely and let her know how out of control its all got, she is of course aware of the problems with drink that have had a big impact on a regular basis over the years telling me to seek help but never accepting any problem until now - the drug use a bit of a shock as always lied to her whenever asked if I was using again and staying out for 2 or 3 days at a time coming home smashed everytime on the beer / weed (knew about that) meant I could cover the rest of it - just meant more arguments of course and how I plan to make the changes to get myself and us back to where we once were.
It's clear to me what I need to do and that I don't have any more chances to make things right - she's a beautiful woman and I really don't deserve her with the way I've treated her for so long - mess it up and I'm going to lose the lot - this time I genuinely want to change and make it better. Both my wife and daughter deserve that and the selfish me has finally seen there's others around that are more important than another drink / line / joint etc.
It's clear to me what I need to do and that I don't have any more chances to make things right - she's a beautiful woman and I really don't deserve her with the way I've treated her for so long - mess it up and I'm going to lose the lot - this time I genuinely want to change and make it better. Both my wife and daughter deserve that and the selfish me has finally seen there's others around that are more important than another drink / line / joint etc.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
