If I seem a bit off
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm so sorry for your loss SW. I know how hard anniversaries are...my late hubs 4 year was 10/31. Always a tough day. But I know he wants me to move forward. I think I realized that this last time. I'm going to do something different next year to celebrate him, not to mourn him. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
My dad was an abusive alcoholic that cheated on mom too many times and split the family apart. He later reconciled. After being alone and broke in a trailer home.
I remember thinking I would never do that to myself. Well...I was wrong. Very wrong. With exception to physical abuse. Mental abuse...that's another story.
His death and the anniversary of his death strikes a depressing chord.
My brother and I used to meet on the anniversary and have a few screw drivers....his favorite. Last year I was a raging alcoholic. I had drinks o. The way to the bar, drinks at the bar, and more on the way home. I was over the top depressed over the things I have done and what I was doing to myself.
This last year, I didn't even text or call my brother. There was no way I was going to meet up with him. Looking back...wish I had called.
Lots of wishes nowadays. "Wish I had" enters my mind a lot. Even though I know they are not helpful. I'm just thankful I deal with those thoughts in a healthy manner. I given them attention...briefly. I recognize the pain. Then I bring myself back to NOW.
I don't want any more "wish I had" moments. I don't want to look back at the end of today, or tomorrow, or next week, and think "wish I had."
(((Hugs))) SW.
ANd everyone is right. You're Mom IS proud of you. I know my Dad is proud of me. Frustrated...yeah. I can almost see him shaking his head and frustrated that I didn't learn from his lessons. But I have time to rebuild while he didn't due to illness.
Make the most of what has been given to you and what you have done for yourself. Make the most of right now. Talk to your mom and pray with her. Close your eyes and be with her. Know she's always there. Then open up your eyes and make the most of now.
I remember thinking I would never do that to myself. Well...I was wrong. Very wrong. With exception to physical abuse. Mental abuse...that's another story.
His death and the anniversary of his death strikes a depressing chord.
My brother and I used to meet on the anniversary and have a few screw drivers....his favorite. Last year I was a raging alcoholic. I had drinks o. The way to the bar, drinks at the bar, and more on the way home. I was over the top depressed over the things I have done and what I was doing to myself.
This last year, I didn't even text or call my brother. There was no way I was going to meet up with him. Looking back...wish I had called.
Lots of wishes nowadays. "Wish I had" enters my mind a lot. Even though I know they are not helpful. I'm just thankful I deal with those thoughts in a healthy manner. I given them attention...briefly. I recognize the pain. Then I bring myself back to NOW.
I don't want any more "wish I had" moments. I don't want to look back at the end of today, or tomorrow, or next week, and think "wish I had."
(((Hugs))) SW.
ANd everyone is right. You're Mom IS proud of you. I know my Dad is proud of me. Frustrated...yeah. I can almost see him shaking his head and frustrated that I didn't learn from his lessons. But I have time to rebuild while he didn't due to illness.
Make the most of what has been given to you and what you have done for yourself. Make the most of right now. Talk to your mom and pray with her. Close your eyes and be with her. Know she's always there. Then open up your eyes and make the most of now.
Do your best
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Thank you everyone it means so much to see so much support 
I'm ok its officially 6 years we went bk up the cemetery and I saw my neice briefly & I might be seeing my sister again today not sure yet
The sun is shining bright & the birds in the garden make it picturesque I'm a lot more at peace today
While I'm here I want to thank everyone for the private msgs & everyone who posted thier love kindness & experience I've read every msg fully and I am eternally grateful to have such a wonderful group of friends
I'm ok & I feel at peace
I'm ok its officially 6 years we went bk up the cemetery and I saw my neice briefly & I might be seeing my sister again today not sure yet
The sun is shining bright & the birds in the garden make it picturesque I'm a lot more at peace today
While I'm here I want to thank everyone for the private msgs & everyone who posted thier love kindness & experience I've read every msg fully and I am eternally grateful to have such a wonderful group of friends
I'm ok & I feel at peace
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