Forever an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Sirogk 
Hi all,
I started drinking when I was 14 and really haven't stopped since. Bouts of sobriety have hit my life but so have the bouts of extreme depression and attempts at suicide.
I have recently started to see someone who I thought would help me but when it comes to the crunch and the hard times she ran a mile, making it out as if I was the one creating issues. I am an alcoholic, meaning I am manipulative, a liar, a thief, and extremely clever when it comes to wanting a drink - I get what I want in the end.
The truth is this is not what I want but it is what I have been doing for the last 32 years...and I am good at it! I am not proud of it, it has just developed as my way of life.
It looks as if no one can help me, I have tried every avenue...re-hab, lock-down, all keys/money taken away from me..., somehow i still get the stuff when I think I need it. It is such a powerful mind and one that i cannot take over on my own, however, everytime I see someone they underestimate my "alcoholic" will and end up leaving my care.
I hope someone here can understand my dilemma and give me some tips on how to live a life without the "alcoholic" mind.
Thanks!
K
I started drinking when I was 14 and really haven't stopped since. Bouts of sobriety have hit my life but so have the bouts of extreme depression and attempts at suicide.
I have recently started to see someone who I thought would help me but when it comes to the crunch and the hard times she ran a mile, making it out as if I was the one creating issues. I am an alcoholic, meaning I am manipulative, a liar, a thief, and extremely clever when it comes to wanting a drink - I get what I want in the end.
The truth is this is not what I want but it is what I have been doing for the last 32 years...and I am good at it! I am not proud of it, it has just developed as my way of life.
It looks as if no one can help me, I have tried every avenue...re-hab, lock-down, all keys/money taken away from me..., somehow i still get the stuff when I think I need it. It is such a powerful mind and one that i cannot take over on my own, however, everytime I see someone they underestimate my "alcoholic" will and end up leaving my care.
I hope someone here can understand my dilemma and give me some tips on how to live a life without the "alcoholic" mind.
Thanks!
K
Take care.
PS It was never her (or anyone elses') place to 'help' you. How could she??!! If she didn't help you it was because she couldn't, not because she didn't care about you. We can't patch a problem with a person. It has to come from within.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Have you tried treating YOU.... I mean, have YOU tried helping YOU?
By that I mean.... your words seem to imply you're hoping someone will come to your aid and somehow 'help you'. Rescue you? If I'm misunderstanding, then my apologies.
But what arises for me when I read your words is whether you have really dug in on the pieces of YOU that underpin your alcoholism and your use of booze. All those things you say you don't want to be - manipulative, a liar, a theif... etc. THOSE things need your focus and those things are where YOU need to help yourself.
The 12 steps of AA are a great place to start. REALLY working those steps makes a difference. A good therapist - for me - was absolutely essential to addressing my self issues that were behind a lot of the same behaviors.
Exercise, changing our habits and rituals, trying new hobbies, making changes to where we hang out, ACTIONS to change ourselves.... these are essential to making the "not drinking" part stick.
Just NOT DRINKING isn't enough. Not drinking gives us the space to start doing the work that will enable us to KEEP not drinking.
By that I mean.... your words seem to imply you're hoping someone will come to your aid and somehow 'help you'. Rescue you? If I'm misunderstanding, then my apologies.
But what arises for me when I read your words is whether you have really dug in on the pieces of YOU that underpin your alcoholism and your use of booze. All those things you say you don't want to be - manipulative, a liar, a theif... etc. THOSE things need your focus and those things are where YOU need to help yourself.
The 12 steps of AA are a great place to start. REALLY working those steps makes a difference. A good therapist - for me - was absolutely essential to addressing my self issues that were behind a lot of the same behaviors.
Exercise, changing our habits and rituals, trying new hobbies, making changes to where we hang out, ACTIONS to change ourselves.... these are essential to making the "not drinking" part stick.
Just NOT DRINKING isn't enough. Not drinking gives us the space to start doing the work that will enable us to KEEP not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Something that I had to learn a long time ago is that no one can help me. No one can complete me. No one can give me that feeling of myself that I am missing. I realized a few years ago that this need for fulfillment and fixing is one of the major reasons for my drinking. I look to external things (people, places, substances, activities) to 'fill' the empty tank inside me. But nothing outside of me can accomplish what is an inside job. My sense of myself comes from self acceptance and love. And that starts with putting the bottle down.
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