I was abused so now I'm abusive I don't know what to do about it.
The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 150
Just reading the solutions makes me not my head and say oh yeah I know I just haven't done that. I'd like to say special thank you to everyone I really do feel like a newcomer again but that's good
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by Step12 
I think everything that I do is alcohol related this is my personal opinion I like what people say about even there you've been sober forever you don't have problems not drinking is not the answer talking to other alcoholics is as long as you listen just this one thread I went from angry to self searching all that's important is that things appear to be working for me. I really like it here I need to be told certain things if people tell me I'm perfect then I'll think it's OK to drink but I have a lot of issues and everyone that is said just because you're sober doesn't mean that you don't have issues is dead on the money this is for newcomers you have to stay on top of that and you have to keep reaching out because you never graduate from this we have to stick together sometimes reading post about people that are having problems reminds me where I came from and lets me know that I did or still do have a solution I just have to rethink about what I did it's kind like being a tutor in math you don't realize what you remember it's hard for me to humble myself and to say these things but then again I don't have a choice it has to come out somewhere and I'd rather it come out here where we can all benefit from our struggles and me take it out of my boyfriend I mean fiancé
And at least you have a boyfriend!!!!
Which is more than can be said for me haha
Jk, enjoy your day!
Xoxo
The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 150
How funny LOL yeah it just so happens that I'm starting to get more of an attitude of gratitude right now I was going through my trunk to get my hand wraps (I box and lift really heavy weights) noticed that the only ones I had for my skull and cross bones which reminded me I'm still cool! Then I saw my white lab coat with my name embroidered on it with my credentials and it made me realize I got my life back I saying after I got soberI wound up performing at one of the biggest performance halls with the ballet now with that being said I was still crazy I guess sometimes we have to go back to an emotional rock-bottom thank goodness you guys were here for support I like this thread I will remain here but I'm also going to stay in solutions
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm sorry for the pain you carry....
Nobody should suffer abuse.
I've not been subject to that myself, so I don't really have any experience to offer. However, my experience of trauma and of my own behavior has been this; I've learned that we have choice.
Whatever may have been our experience, our conditions in childhood, our patterns of the past.... still we have choice, RIGHT NOW... TODAY... as to who and how we will be.
"I was abused so now I'm abusive" - is one choice.
Another might be "I was abused, so I'm determined not to be abusive"
If I were in your shoes, I would be seeking qualified therapeutic help with my choice.
Nobody should suffer abuse.
I've not been subject to that myself, so I don't really have any experience to offer. However, my experience of trauma and of my own behavior has been this; I've learned that we have choice.
Whatever may have been our experience, our conditions in childhood, our patterns of the past.... still we have choice, RIGHT NOW... TODAY... as to who and how we will be.
"I was abused so now I'm abusive" - is one choice.
Another might be "I was abused, so I'm determined not to be abusive"
If I were in your shoes, I would be seeking qualified therapeutic help with my choice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by Juno11
I'm really sorry for my posts - I was sadly drinking last night and wasn't making any sense. I hit a low point and I truly apologize for my behavior.
And thank you for coming on and being straight up about it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by Step12
OK so having verbally abusive parents and neglectful parents who are also alcoholics are hard to forgive. I keep telling myself I have but apparently I have not it's so ingrained in the way I behave. I know I have to be happy joyous and free. It's good to feel support
I think you also mentioned that your bf is verbally abusive....so yeah, you're reliving what you know and understand from childhood. That can be triggering all kinds of stuff that you thought you had sorted and dusted. I have done this as well and its really weird. I realized I was dating my mother in my last relationship
Unrequited love. And it almost drove me off the deep end.One thing that I believe, as an adult, I have learned in spades now is that I let people treat me the way they do. I cannot change them. But I can learn to stand up for myself in a constructive and mature fashion. I can also walk away. From partners, parents, friends....anyone that does not support and foster a positive sense of self for me. When I was a child, yes I was a voiceless victim. But I am no longer that child. I have a choice. So do you, you just might not know it because these patterns of behavior are so deeply ingrained. You really do not have to tolerate being mistreated by anyone.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Step12
OK so having verbally abusive parents and neglectful parents who are also alcoholics are hard to forgive. I keep telling myself I have but apparently I have not it's so ingrained in the way I behave. I know I have to be happy joyous and free. It's good to feel support
Once we have addressed our alcoholism, we often have to get to the root and deal with deeper problems. One of mine was codependency.Like you I am an ACOA and being the eldest growing up in an alcoholic household definitely impacted my life and my psyche.
SR has a good sub forum for children of alcoholics
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
you might want to check it out when you have a minute; you'll probably find a lot of folks you can identify with.
The main page of SR also has a small article about emotional abuse
http://www.soberrecovery.com/addicti...otional-abuse/
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
What Beccybean said + dysfunctional parents thread
Originally Posted by Beccybean
Maybe check out CoDa meetings and resources available to you (the handbook and workbook really helped me).
There are also some really good books that you can read on recovery and working on your Inner Child to find some peace from the past that torments you. I found Penny Parks' 'Rescuing the 'Inner Child' very helpful.
Things can get better.
There are also some really good books that you can read on recovery and working on your Inner Child to find some peace from the past that torments you. I found Penny Parks' 'Rescuing the 'Inner Child' very helpful.
Things can get better.
Step12, I'm also a survivor of abuse and am just now breaking free of some of my negative behaviors that resulted from childhood trauma.
You may wanna check out my recent thread called:
Anyone have dysfunctional parents?
It's in newcomers and got great discussion.
I'm so sorry for the pain you experienced. There is light at the end of the tunnel of rage. I'm finding it and it's not easy, but very worth it.
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