I keep drinking more and more because I can as nobody cares
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Come back tomorrow Kaily. I believe you care or you wouldn't be posting and I believe we care or we wouldn't respond.
I spent 9/11 drunk. Knowing what I do now I really regret that.
There was so much more I could have done to help myself and help others...and have them help me in the process
D
D
I spent 9/11 drunk. Knowing what I do now I really regret that.
There was so much more I could have done to help myself and help others...and have them help me in the process
D
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,061
Awake again and drinking, very low but so grateful for the support.
In my minds eye I can see myself walking my dogs as I do every day BUT today I have lost totally control of my drinking
In my minds eye I can see myself walking my dogs as I do every day BUT today I have lost totally control of my drinking
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Good morning kaily ,
Drinking vodka and coke this early isn't good .
What have you done to get sober ?
some of us here need detox and time to get it together which councillors in a residential setting .
Alcohol really messes with out perception , there are 15,000,000 people living in Paris , they will carry on and have a great time , Paris is a wonderful city a city of light .
There are a few evil people in the world but the glory and the wonder will carry on .
Drinking will not solve anything, just make you more sick . I hope you decide to go and talk to a Dr , go to AA , keep on trying different things and dont give up on yourself.
There is a whole world or wonder joy and light out there drinking at home alone shuts us off from it and makes us vulnerable to the 24 hour bad news channels ( bad news sells papers and TV time more than good unfortunately ) .
Bestwishes, m
Drinking vodka and coke this early isn't good .
What have you done to get sober ?
some of us here need detox and time to get it together which councillors in a residential setting .
Alcohol really messes with out perception , there are 15,000,000 people living in Paris , they will carry on and have a great time , Paris is a wonderful city a city of light .
There are a few evil people in the world but the glory and the wonder will carry on .
Drinking will not solve anything, just make you more sick . I hope you decide to go and talk to a Dr , go to AA , keep on trying different things and dont give up on yourself.
There is a whole world or wonder joy and light out there drinking at home alone shuts us off from it and makes us vulnerable to the 24 hour bad news channels ( bad news sells papers and TV time more than good unfortunately ) .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
It may sound bizarre to normal people, but I fully understand. There were times I would sit in front of the TV angry at the world. And the more I drank, the angrier I became. And the more I drank. Eventually I'd forget what made me angry in the first place as it seemed everything made me angry. I focused on the negatives.
As mecanix says, there is a larger world of good. It wasn't until I stopped the drinking I was able to see it. Do not discard a sack of rice just because one grain is deformed.
Take some rest. Start fresh soon. Drink water, it is the magic elixir.
As mecanix says, there is a larger world of good. It wasn't until I stopped the drinking I was able to see it. Do not discard a sack of rice just because one grain is deformed.
Take some rest. Start fresh soon. Drink water, it is the magic elixir.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I care Kaily. I imagine you have people around you in your daily life that care also. I can relate to what you are feeling. In the past I had people comment on my drinking and those closest to me even expressing concern, but no one shook me by the shoulders, grabbed me into their arms and begged me to stop or forced me to stop. No one came and sat by me, holding me in my weakest moments and refused to allow me to drink. My boyfriend would let me know he didn't like me getting drunk but then he would sometimes offer me wine at dinner. He would come to my house and find me drunk and just walk right back out the door. He would then call me the next morning, speak to me lovingly, not even mentioning the night before and acting like nothing had happened. I felt like he didn't care at all! I think subconsciously I did what you have recognized consciously you are doing- I drank more and more, became more dangerous, just as a cry for help, begging for my problem to be noticed and taken more seriously by those around me.
But the person I was hurting the most was myself. the change had to come from within and be a change that I made first and foremost for myself. Even when I wasn't feeling so positive or loving about myself I HAD to keep at it. For me.
People DO care, but those around you may just not know what to do. People might want to help but not know how or be scared to step in. Reach out to others, don't expect their reactions to be perfect though. The best place to start would be with others who suffer addictions, here on SR or face to face support in your community. The only people who really and truly understand what you are going through is other people who suffer as you do.
For today why don't you dump the alcohol. Go take a nap. When you wake up, shower and then go do something positive for yourself. Clean your house, go for a walk, write in a journal, play with your dogs, or even just take another nap.
But the person I was hurting the most was myself. the change had to come from within and be a change that I made first and foremost for myself. Even when I wasn't feeling so positive or loving about myself I HAD to keep at it. For me.
People DO care, but those around you may just not know what to do. People might want to help but not know how or be scared to step in. Reach out to others, don't expect their reactions to be perfect though. The best place to start would be with others who suffer addictions, here on SR or face to face support in your community. The only people who really and truly understand what you are going through is other people who suffer as you do.
For today why don't you dump the alcohol. Go take a nap. When you wake up, shower and then go do something positive for yourself. Clean your house, go for a walk, write in a journal, play with your dogs, or even just take another nap.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,061
I have tried to get help I posted this in October...
I am a very heavy drinker 25 to 30 units a day.
Having done my research I went to my doctor, confessed all and asked for help, she was kind but said as I live alone she couldn't give me medication and told me to cut down(near enough impossible for an alcoholic) but not to stop as it would be to dangerous.
Needless to say I had very little success with that so a couple of weeks ago I self referred to a drug and alcohol centre, again they wont help me with medication for the same reasons, again advised to cut down and keep a drink diary, not sure how that is mean't to help, he even implied I wasn't an alcoholic as I don't drink in the morning! I was also told I was not ill enough for residential detox.
I am so very frustrated and can't see a way forward unless I become an even heavy drinker, ridiculous!
I am a very heavy drinker 25 to 30 units a day.
Having done my research I went to my doctor, confessed all and asked for help, she was kind but said as I live alone she couldn't give me medication and told me to cut down(near enough impossible for an alcoholic) but not to stop as it would be to dangerous.
Needless to say I had very little success with that so a couple of weeks ago I self referred to a drug and alcohol centre, again they wont help me with medication for the same reasons, again advised to cut down and keep a drink diary, not sure how that is mean't to help, he even implied I wasn't an alcoholic as I don't drink in the morning! I was also told I was not ill enough for residential detox.
I am so very frustrated and can't see a way forward unless I become an even heavy drinker, ridiculous!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 346
We have a Lot in common K! I too drank that amount and diet coke is the best mixer for vodka by far----But it hurt soooo bad. Whatever it takes to get off it, do it. I remember all too well the relief from the first few but the rest of my day was pure hell and that is the memory I keep now. A one week investment of detox could give you your life back. Kind of a small investment with a huge return dontchya think?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,061
Zombob thanks. I have 3 dogs so can't go into detox, 2 are very old and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them while I was away and they were in care of someone else.
Even now I feel so guilty that they haven't been out and boy are they letting me know!
Even now I feel so guilty that they haven't been out and boy are they letting me know!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by Kaily 
Zombob thanks. I have 3 dogs so can't go into detox, 2 are very old and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them while I was away and they were in care of someone else.
Even now I feel so guilty that they haven't been out and boy are they letting me know!
Even now I feel so guilty that they haven't been out and boy are they letting me know!
You'd feel guilty leaving the dogs in the care of someone else yet you feel guilty for neglecting them while you are there.
When you are drunk, you ARE someone else.
Using the dogs as an excuse to get help, assuming you are able is just that. It's another excuse. I've read so many times of people unable to "leave" for various reasons only to prolong their plight. And eventually they came to the realization that getting help was more important than the short amount of time they would be "gone".
I'm sorry to hear that the 'doctors' and all are not very helpful to you. Perhaps a different approach may be in order. I have no doubt that when questioned about your alcohol use you suffer from short term memory loss. And many of us, myself included, when initially screened for alcohol abuse did our best to downplay it. How about embellishing your story next time. Try not to paint such a rosy picture of yourself. Tell them the worst. If you really want help from 'them' you have to prove to 'them' you need help. All they know is what you tell them. It's up to YOU to convince 'them'. Not the other way around. Work it in your favor.
So what if someone else takes care of the dogs for a couple weeks. It's much better than you not being able to take care of them. Or worse yet, something happening and you, suddenly, are not there without pre-arranged care. Something to think about.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Alcohol or drugs holds us hostage and
refuses to let us be free. Your wonderful
pets are gifts and alcohol addiction is
also holding them hostage too as sad
and unfair as it may sound.
Alcohol addiction not only affects us
but all those around us, even our loveable
pets, family and friends.
When family intervened on me 25 yrs
ago, I was a mom of 2 beautiful kids and
a wife of 8 yrs. My addiction took away
my ability to make healthy choices in
many areas of my life. It was because of
the love, care and concern of my own well
being that they stepped in to get me help
that I certainly didn't think I needed to
help my own self.
I was placed into the hands of those familiar
with addiction and could teach me how to
live life with some awesome tools and knowledge
one day at a time without killing myself.
It was then that I chose to spend 28 days
in rehab instead of just 2 weeks. They also
tacted on a 6 week aftercare program to
continue learning about my addiction and
recovery.
Yes I was worried about my home and
kids, but it was the family who placed
me in a secure place to get better and
had to accept and believe that my kids
were in awesome hands while I was away.
I didn't have pets until I got sober
which for me was a gift I never imagine
having in my life. My 2 loveable cats
were pretty much my responsibility
while the family went to school and
work. They remained in my care up
until a yr or so ago when they passed
after a many wonderful happy yrs in
my care.
My cats and birds were always indoor
pets and yet I always felt sort of guilty
for not letting them go outside much.
I knew they were safe inside from the
outside elements and whatever lurked
to harm them.
Today, I know they are free. The same
way I feel about my own alcohol addiction.
Im living free in recovery but had to be
taught how.
You shared how no one cares.
Family, friends, pets do care when we
are healthy and happy. However, no one
will care more than us. Ourselves. It is my
own responsibility to take care of me in life
and recovery.
Its hard to really see or comprehend this
If we are still in our addiction, still in the
fog. However, once the fog clears and we
are armed with knowledge and recovery
of our addiction then we can see how important
it is to live healthy, happy and free for ourselves.
You are important. We are important. We
in the fellowship of recovery absolutely care
about YOU, Me, Us.
refuses to let us be free. Your wonderful
pets are gifts and alcohol addiction is
also holding them hostage too as sad
and unfair as it may sound.
Alcohol addiction not only affects us
but all those around us, even our loveable
pets, family and friends.
When family intervened on me 25 yrs
ago, I was a mom of 2 beautiful kids and
a wife of 8 yrs. My addiction took away
my ability to make healthy choices in
many areas of my life. It was because of
the love, care and concern of my own well
being that they stepped in to get me help
that I certainly didn't think I needed to
help my own self.
I was placed into the hands of those familiar
with addiction and could teach me how to
live life with some awesome tools and knowledge
one day at a time without killing myself.
It was then that I chose to spend 28 days
in rehab instead of just 2 weeks. They also
tacted on a 6 week aftercare program to
continue learning about my addiction and
recovery.
Yes I was worried about my home and
kids, but it was the family who placed
me in a secure place to get better and
had to accept and believe that my kids
were in awesome hands while I was away.
I didn't have pets until I got sober
which for me was a gift I never imagine
having in my life. My 2 loveable cats
were pretty much my responsibility
while the family went to school and
work. They remained in my care up
until a yr or so ago when they passed
after a many wonderful happy yrs in
my care.
My cats and birds were always indoor
pets and yet I always felt sort of guilty
for not letting them go outside much.
I knew they were safe inside from the
outside elements and whatever lurked
to harm them.
Today, I know they are free. The same
way I feel about my own alcohol addiction.
Im living free in recovery but had to be
taught how.
You shared how no one cares.
Family, friends, pets do care when we
are healthy and happy. However, no one
will care more than us. Ourselves. It is my
own responsibility to take care of me in life
and recovery.
Its hard to really see or comprehend this
If we are still in our addiction, still in the
fog. However, once the fog clears and we
are armed with knowledge and recovery
of our addiction then we can see how important
it is to live healthy, happy and free for ourselves.
You are important. We are important. We
in the fellowship of recovery absolutely care
about YOU, Me, Us.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
Hi, Kaily
I'm sorry that you feel lonely, neglected and hurt.
Are there any options for you to get out and connect with people?
Have you tried going to AA meetings or other recovery groups they have in your area? Or maybe find a church group or other activity just to get out among people so you aren't so alone? Is there someone else whose loneliness you could help by ringing them up or stopping by their place?
Could you find someone to take care of your dogs if you do need to go into detox?
Hoping you find a way through this, and wishing you the best.
I'm sorry that you feel lonely, neglected and hurt.
Are there any options for you to get out and connect with people?
Have you tried going to AA meetings or other recovery groups they have in your area? Or maybe find a church group or other activity just to get out among people so you aren't so alone? Is there someone else whose loneliness you could help by ringing them up or stopping by their place?
Could you find someone to take care of your dogs if you do need to go into detox?
Hoping you find a way through this, and wishing you the best.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Kaily there is a conflict and it resides within you XO 
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Le...-Cherokee.html
You don't want to drink but your drinking I hated that time in my life as I really wanted to stop so I know that
This is the difficult part you have as you have a choice
1.Carry on drinking and and stay doing something you deeply don't want to do & everything that goes with that
2.pour the alcohol away & no more buying drink not today
Can you do this today Kailey
Were going to be here no matter what XO
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Le...-Cherokee.html
You don't want to drink but your drinking I hated that time in my life as I really wanted to stop so I know that
This is the difficult part you have as you have a choice
1.Carry on drinking and and stay doing something you deeply don't want to do & everything that goes with that
2.pour the alcohol away & no more buying drink not today
Can you do this today Kailey
Were going to be here no matter what XO
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Kaily - if you feel that you cannot leave your dogs, could you give AA a try or an Intensive Outpatient Program? Truly working a program could be very helpful.
Whatever the program you choose, sobriety begins with putting down the bottle. Why not pour out what is left now?
We are here for you, Kaily.
Whatever the program you choose, sobriety begins with putting down the bottle. Why not pour out what is left now?
We are here for you, Kaily.
The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think!
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 150
It sounds to me like you may be in danger because you want to drink to more than oblivion . I have to tell you right now you have me a little concerned. You have a dog? You need to put the dog before yourself like right now. But dog need you. What's going to happen to it if you get so drunk yoe may not wake up. If you're even thinking that mean you're being selfish.
think in a situation like this you might want to think through the drink and what that means is you need to think about the consequences what would happen if you didn't drink past Oblivians what good is that going to do you you're just be hurting other people and yourself because right now it sounds like you're doing the poor pitiful me pour me pour me pour me a drink. You got people that care about you look at how many people responded to this thread. Nobody want you to drink. I recommend that you find something to do and get your mind off of this you're reaching out two other alcoholics so you're on the right track.
think in a situation like this you might want to think through the drink and what that means is you need to think about the consequences what would happen if you didn't drink past Oblivians what good is that going to do you you're just be hurting other people and yourself because right now it sounds like you're doing the poor pitiful me pour me pour me pour me a drink. You got people that care about you look at how many people responded to this thread. Nobody want you to drink. I recommend that you find something to do and get your mind off of this you're reaching out two other alcoholics so you're on the right track.
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