entropy1964

I'm beginning to see, I think, how deeply my denial runs. I have been trying to quit for 12 years. I've had a lot of 'dry' periods. I think I've fully embraced that I cannot drink, and I have. What I think I'm just realizing is that my addicted brain has nothing to do with my rational thinking. Yeah, I knew that, but I didn't KNOW that. All the mental gymnasitcs, the guilt, the shame, the why me, the pity, the blame. That is ALL my addiction trying to manipulate me. The why not? No one will know? Screw it! That's all my addiction. I don't want to be that person, and I am not that person. Crazy! Sorry, rant.

Dee74

Scared? where'd you go?

D

thomas11

Scared, I've posted this before, but I quit drinking before I HAD TO quit drinking. There are too many people here that had every intention of quitting but couldn't because the addiction took hold. Then they got to the point where they had no choice or they would die. I don't think you want to get to that point. Rooting for ya buddy. Hang in there.

As Dee mentioned...can you check in please?

Scared1234

Checking in!

I am massively fighting my AV and have been all day...It's been a nightmare. I want to drink so bad. I am not hung over and am convincing myself that I can handle a drunken night...that it's going to be a lot of fun and I'll just make sure to drink a lot of Gatorade before bed to make up for the lost electrolytes. I'm planning on when to go get the vodka and chase. Where I'll get the Gatorade etc. I've got this big plan in place for the evening. Then I stop and tell myself "whoa whoa whoa. Just yesterday you felt like death and you were admitting guilt on the forums. Give your body a break!" And then a couple hours pass and I'll start the thought process all over again. It's just non stop.

nyala

Hi Scared,

I just read this whole thread. Well done for checking in and facing up to your AV. Keep posting and reading. Your AV can bully and torture you with these thoughts but it cannot move your arms and legs nor make you speak. It cannot get alcohol to feed itself without you.

Be strong and hang in there friend. We are all here for you.

Fradley

mecanix

Hi Scared ,
Waking up sick and shaky , sober enough but you know you couldn't pass a breath test , shaky hands ?
All the bad things that happened to me when i was drunk , getting mugged , food set fire too under the grill , incontinence , drunk phone calls, e-mails & texts …

6 hours later i'd be drinking again . It was a miserable merry-go-round .

The drinking life is a miserable experience , getting sober aint much fun and it can take months for your body to sort itself out , the brain chemistry and stuff .

You know 100% what a drinking life will give you , pain, disease, rubbish relationships, poor financial decisions and maybe not caring for stuff.

You and i don't know what a prolonged sobriety will bring you .. Sobriety is a simple decision but can be difficult to stick with. It is possible and none of us is that unique with relation to drink , read the stories here

I hope that you decide to deal with the pain , anxiety and don't feed your addiction .
The addiction and the AV are terribly boring in my experience , get on with a glorious sober life i say.
We might have 10,000 days of life left, the time is waning for us all , how many of them do you want to feel like rubbish for or not even remember ? have you not had enough yet ?
How many days are you gonna throw away into a bottle of misery 50 ? 100 ? 1000 ? 5000 ? all 10,000 ?

I hope you choose to fight for your sobriety , to fight for your life .

Bestwishes, m

PurpleKnight

For me I needed to short circuit my own thought process sometimes, but that could only be done through resources and support outside of myself, I needed a second opinion on things!!

Great job on checking in here on SR!! . . . Keep doing it when those thoughts start to kick in, you can do this Scared!!

D122y

Nice. Love it when you guys post your sober time. It adds to your credibility. Appreciate encouragement from people like me..148 days...but love advice/encouragement from folks w years under their belt.

Scared...considering what I just said...if you want what I have. ..148 days clean...you have to get past 8 days. That is when the cravings got strong.... and BTW. ..it got worse after that for a while. Not craving but crazy feelings a lot of the time. I would snack every 2 hours, it worked. Drink lots of water. It worked.

For me it is just this month getting a lot better. I am getting used to what normal feels like.

Just remember...alcohol is poisen...it causes brain damage. But, like was said before...we can fully recover if it is not to late.

Sounds like you can totally recover...just get through a day at a time...just don't drink today....then the next day...say..I'm not drinking today...

But...you have to really want it...

gaffo

I swear it doesn't feel impossible forever. That first month is so hard at times. The "pink cloud" that people talk about is for real. There will be times during the first year or so where, out of nowhere, you'll just feel great like someone slipped you something. They sort of counter balance the times where you want to jump out of your own skin. Then it starts to balance out. Stay strong, stay sober!