Andante

From here it seems like all your perceptions and interactions are warped by a pervasive and relentless negativity which you can't shake despite your best efforts. I'm no psychiatrist, but from what I do know, that sure rings the bells for a possibly treatable clinical depression. Maybe see a doc and give the medication route one more try? Sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to get the right combo of meds and dosage. Seems like it might be worth a shot -- what do you have to lose?

MidnightBlue

Thank you all so much for support and good advice. I so much need it now! I am so tired of the negativity that threads my life. I just need power to fight for my life again.

Soberwolf

Rootin for you all the way blue

PurpleKnight

SR is in your corner MB!!

MidnightBlue

Thank you, friends.

Finally at home. Chilling out with a cup of tea. Turned down temptations to buy comforting food on my way home and feel better.

Ironically today interacted with all my 3 bosses (yep, I have that much - of different ranks). Nothing extraordinary or superstressful. But it's incredible how this feeling of inadequacy creates "tunnel vision" and all I can see is fear-created projection.

Still a lot of things to deal with. One day at a time.