Romanticizing Alcohol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Romanticizing Alcohol
Hi All,
Having trouble dealing with romanticizing alcohol. For the past 7 years I've been working on sobriety, the longest I've reached was 6 months. I kept updating my plan: miss the emotional numbing? Go to therapy, meditate, journal. It's a habit? Make plans ahead of the witching hour. Bored? List and preplan things to do: reading, exercise, video games, etc.
Currently I am stuck on romanticising the drinking. Example: It's a beautiful day outside? Let's enjoy it with an outdoor lunch and a nice bottle of wine. All this baggage comes from my younger years when I associated alcohol with "good times" and I am having trouble breaking a 20 year association. I tried reminding myself of the misery the next day. I tried reminding myself that the "good times" association conflicts with the complete lack of good times I feel know that I have opened my eyes. No luck.
Any ideas how to break this? I'd like specific ideas, because believe me I accept I have a problem and I accept permanent abstinence is the only solution. Anyone have any ideas that I can try?
TIA,
KP
Having trouble dealing with romanticizing alcohol. For the past 7 years I've been working on sobriety, the longest I've reached was 6 months. I kept updating my plan: miss the emotional numbing? Go to therapy, meditate, journal. It's a habit? Make plans ahead of the witching hour. Bored? List and preplan things to do: reading, exercise, video games, etc.
Currently I am stuck on romanticising the drinking. Example: It's a beautiful day outside? Let's enjoy it with an outdoor lunch and a nice bottle of wine. All this baggage comes from my younger years when I associated alcohol with "good times" and I am having trouble breaking a 20 year association. I tried reminding myself of the misery the next day. I tried reminding myself that the "good times" association conflicts with the complete lack of good times I feel know that I have opened my eyes. No luck.
Any ideas how to break this? I'd like specific ideas, because believe me I accept I have a problem and I accept permanent abstinence is the only solution. Anyone have any ideas that I can try?
TIA,
KP
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 268
Hello KP! I have two ideas. One is to play the tape out to what happens after the drinking, whether it's from the first or second drink, the morning after you drink too much (which will eventually happen), or the drink you have two days or two weeks from then when it not easy to quit. The second is to think about the biggest consequence you may have had from drinking. Don't let your AV convince you that those consequences will not happen again. Those two have worked for me.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Playing the tape certainly helped me - reading and posting to others here helped me too.
I saw my own story so often in other peoples posts it became harder and harder for me to romanticise my self destruction.
D
I saw my own story so often in other peoples posts it became harder and harder for me to romanticise my self destruction.
D
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Accept the solution? You have identified it, and have clearly identified all the falsehoods of romancing alcohol consumption. Take it off the table as an option , dive into nondrinkerism, the water's fine 
, beautiful days are still beautiful and they stay that way well into the nights , all the evidence suggests we will screw those days up royally if we add alcohol to mix. Decide to be free of the dreadful illusions. You can do it, rootin for ya
, beautiful days are still beautiful and they stay that way well into the nights , all the evidence suggests we will screw those days up royally if we add alcohol to mix. Decide to be free of the dreadful illusions. You can do it, rootin for ya
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 737
Face to face interactions with other sober alcoholics helps me. I go to AA meetings almost daily. I have one sober friend outside of AA and we check in and vent to one another via text quite frequently.
These forums are great but I think having people in the flesh that you see regularly is important, it's harder to disappear from those relationships, once they're formed.
These forums are great but I think having people in the flesh that you see regularly is important, it's harder to disappear from those relationships, once they're formed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Personally I remind myself that alcoholism is a disease of the brain, among other things. And that long term drinking has changed your brain chemistry. It is your addicted altered brain that is sending you those signals in its thirst for more alcohol. They are not a true reflection of the past....they are a rose tinted, highly selective, inaccurate reflection of the past.Reminding myself of this helps me regain a sense of perspective.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Playing the tape certainly helped me - reading and posting to others here helped me too.
I saw my own story so often in other peoples posts it became harder and harder for me to romanticise my self destruction.
D
I saw my own story so often in other peoples posts it became harder and harder for me to romanticise my self destruction.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by CurlyGirl1978
Hello KP! I have two ideas. One is to play the tape out to what happens after the drinking, whether it's from the first or second drink, the morning after you drink too much (which will eventually happen), or the drink you have two days or two weeks from then when it not easy to quit. The second is to think about the biggest consequence you may have had from drinking. Don't let your AV convince you that those consequences will not happen again. Those two have worked for me.
But I play that tape and I know what it will lead to. And there will be nothing romantic about it whatsoever.
Now, instead of fearing Christmas Day, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm sure my AV will more than likely make an appearance (probably more than once), and if I need to I'll play that tape to kick it in to touch.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: South Florida
Posts: 160
This lead me back to drinking every time. When I was in the reality of "having a nice glass of wine on beautiful day", I couldn't enjoy it anymore! I was a paranoid nervous wreck about it. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I would worry about how much I was going to have, if I was drinking it too fast, how I was going to get home, how I was going to avoid the hangover, who I was going to lie to about the fact that I drank, it goes on and on. Normal drinkers have a glass of wine and don't even think about it and keep going on with their day. That one drink for me sent me into mental scramble for days to come afterwards. It's not even enjoyable anymore. Not worth it! I'd rather sip my ice tea on a beautiful day and then get on with it. I'm exhausted with the thoughts of drinking or not drinking. I know I shouldn't be drinking and that is that. The reality is NEVER what you imagined.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Playing the tape forward is a great tool , a way to visualize what the consequences of alcohol consumption will more than likely be in reality.
The AV will undoubtedly use the social settings of the holidays to stir all the romantic illusions of 'just one holiday toast" "a glass of wine with a meal" ect ect.
When the mindset is that alcohol consumption is off the table as an option, as in there is not going to be any alcohol consumption for whatever reason , no matter what then playing the tape forward bolsters the decision. Arguing or debated the AV and hoping not to 'lose' the argument means the option is available, it may sound semantic or needlessly nuanced but when the option is removed there is no debate(.)
The annoying thoughts or urges to consume may well pop up , the AV rearing its ugly pathetic slimy lying head, but with no option it's no debate , just annoying. Playing the tape is an answer to why the option is no longer on the table , and a tool to use to send the slime weasel packing but in itself isn't a weighted argument point in a debate where the outcome may result in drinking, because you have decided that is no longer an Option(.)
The best (only) way to completely avoid the consequences of consuming alcohol is to not consume it. Not only is the AV a slimeball liar but it's ignorant of the fact that you have resolved to not consume alcohol , it will sound like it's an argument that has some(any) merit but it has none , the option is not available , and you Can remove it as an option. It is not an argument or debate.
The AV will undoubtedly use the social settings of the holidays to stir all the romantic illusions of 'just one holiday toast" "a glass of wine with a meal" ect ect.
When the mindset is that alcohol consumption is off the table as an option, as in there is not going to be any alcohol consumption for whatever reason , no matter what then playing the tape forward bolsters the decision. Arguing or debated the AV and hoping not to 'lose' the argument means the option is available, it may sound semantic or needlessly nuanced but when the option is removed there is no debate(.)
The annoying thoughts or urges to consume may well pop up , the AV rearing its ugly pathetic slimy lying head, but with no option it's no debate , just annoying. Playing the tape is an answer to why the option is no longer on the table , and a tool to use to send the slime weasel packing but in itself isn't a weighted argument point in a debate where the outcome may result in drinking, because you have decided that is no longer an Option(.)
The best (only) way to completely avoid the consequences of consuming alcohol is to not consume it. Not only is the AV a slimeball liar but it's ignorant of the fact that you have resolved to not consume alcohol , it will sound like it's an argument that has some(any) merit but it has none , the option is not available , and you Can remove it as an option. It is not an argument or debate.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me having support was key, my mind could sell me all the fairytales it wanted and get away with it in isolation, the reality was there was never that 1 cold beer on a sunny afternoon, 1 glass of wine with dinner, or that 1 dram of liquor at Xmas, it was always bottles of the stuff and there was nothing romanticised about it come the morning.
Instead I needed something to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own thought processes prior to picking up that 1st drink, checking into SR before doing anything can keep you focused on the task at hand!!
Instead I needed something to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own thought processes prior to picking up that 1st drink, checking into SR before doing anything can keep you focused on the task at hand!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
This reminds me... on several occasions over the past few years, I have come up with the idea that instead of spending £5-10 every night on a bottle or two of cheap wine, I would buy a £40-50 bottle of wine once a week to sip and savour.
Never happened. Not once.
Never happened. Not once.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
The only thing I can add is that it takes practice. Time and practice. That romance will eventually fade the more tools and ticks of the trade you throw at it. You already know it's a bunch of bs that romance is. With no option to drink "just for today" you eliminate any chances of consumption. Commit to 24 hrs of sobriety at the start of each day daily. You got this. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
The way I broke it was to stay sober and to do things sober.
I was able over time to re-program my thinking. By going and doing things sober and having fun and enjoying living a full and present life, the illusion of the romantic ideals eventually got replaced with a new reality.
The other way was to continually remind myself of the REALITY I had lived. The romantic ideal didn't come without a painful and awful cost. We willingly focus on the romantic part while just pushing the hangovers and the self loathing and the unhealthiness and the consequences off to the side.
Respond to thoughts of romanticism by;
Immediately focusing your thoughts on the chain of memories in your 'awful memories of drinking' library.
Immediately going to do something sober and positive.
As you do this, over time, the romanticism fades. One day you find a shift has occurred and you find it almost humorous to have those thoughts. And then one day another shift has occurred and you wonder how it is you EVER saw alcohol as romantic.
I was able over time to re-program my thinking. By going and doing things sober and having fun and enjoying living a full and present life, the illusion of the romantic ideals eventually got replaced with a new reality.
The other way was to continually remind myself of the REALITY I had lived. The romantic ideal didn't come without a painful and awful cost. We willingly focus on the romantic part while just pushing the hangovers and the self loathing and the unhealthiness and the consequences off to the side.
Respond to thoughts of romanticism by;
Immediately focusing your thoughts on the chain of memories in your 'awful memories of drinking' library.
Immediately going to do something sober and positive.
As you do this, over time, the romanticism fades. One day you find a shift has occurred and you find it almost humorous to have those thoughts. And then one day another shift has occurred and you wonder how it is you EVER saw alcohol as romantic.
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