Delfin

Thanks for the reminder of what I don't want to go back to, AG. I hope you will come back and reread your post if you have a desire to pick up again. Powerful words!

Delfin

celticspirit

Congratulations AlaskaGirl! Stay strong on your journey. I used to drink the same way. Two or three day solo missions at home or bar hopping. Misery (epic hangovers, junk diet, money up in flames, loneliness and sadness) was the result. More happiness now doing it sober. Great job on your 4 days. Keep the faith!!!

InTheEnd

Wow, so real and hits hard. Thanks for the post.

Saskia

AlaskaGirl, thank you for your honest response. I'm glad you responded to my post and I'm sorry I didn't understand the background. I hope you will stick with this difficult journey. Non-alcoholics don't usually understand what it's like - they just assume it's a question of willpower. Staying sober can be done but don't underestimate the AV! I had many relapses and had some long (eg 13 years) sober spells. This last time after 13 sober years was very difficult. If you find yourself relapsing again and again, I hope you'll consider an addictions counselor, an inpatient or outpatient program of some type, etc. for me an intensive outpatient program plus meds made all of the difference.

Please let me know how you are doing! I care.

TrapezeFreak

Great post and really well written. Hit home for me like so many others. I was in hell last Sunday as well. Don't want to be there again either. Keep going!

BBQBOY

Simply....Thank You!

jryan19982

Ugh those crushing days of hangovers are no fun. I remember those not so fondly. Ugh reading that post made my head start spinning like I was hungover. Its so nice to be clear minded and steady hands.

AlaskaGirl

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I've read your words over and over again. I have to admit something I am not proud of. Last night I was feeling really off physically. It was so bad I was afraid my withdraw was getting dangerous. The last time I detoxed I went to a doctor, I didn't do that this time. So I allowed myself a glass of wine. One turned into three before I forced myself to bed. I woke up this morning with a terrible cold, it came on like a freight train. I think that's what was making me feel so bad last night, I just didn't know I was really getting sick. I left work halfway through the day. Napped a little, now I'm drinking tea and coughing up more mucus than a body should be able to produce. I'm also reading a lot on here. You are all a blessing.

Delfin

How are you doing, AG? Sorry to hear that you slipped a little and are not not feeling well. Hope things are better today.

Delfin

Reset

That was a great story. I hope you can re-read it next time you're tempted to go on a bender.

And I understand what you're saying about your husband's denial. My wife is sort of the same way. Several years ago I told her I had a problem and her answer was, "well just cut back then." Haven't really tried to talk to her about it since. And every morning after being wasted she'd greet me with a smile like nothing had happened the night before. It's not her fault, it's mine, but it makes it easy to keep drinking when you don't have to deal with that spousal pressure.

Hell, I went almost 2 years not drinking and she never mentioned it once. Not one.single.time did she acknowledge that anything was different.

PurpleKnight

Great post and a great decision!!

thomas11

What a vivid post. I have done exactly what you described.....far too many times. I am so glad those days are behind me. That was my routine for about three and half years. I never want to go back to those days.

ZeldaFan

Great post and I'm glad you made the right decision. I haven't been on here for a while and needed a refresher. You described my weekend benders in vivid detail. I can recall so many times I would say I was only going to drink Friday night and then end up calling into work Monday and Tuesday to drink only to show up smelling on liquor on Wednesday, eyes red, dry heaving with the horrible and sudden bowel movements. Just not worth it! As others have said, gotta keep playing that tape to remind ourselves how it ends.

AlaskaGirl

Thanks for relating. I think he just loves me so much he doesn't want there to be a problem, so he ignores it. Your right, we can't blame them, but it does make continuing bad behavior easier. I guess we just have to do it for ourselves 😊

AlaskaGirl

Thanks again all, so validating to know that others can relate to the crazy. Update... My cold led me to the doctor where I found out my blood pressure was sky high. 200/110. Scared the you know what out of me! I confessed all then and there, I'm now medically detoxing instead of trying to do it on my own. In a good place today except for the bronchitis. Zpack should take care of that in a few days.

FreeOwl

Man... That post was hard to read.... Because it was so honestly close to the life I had been living a couple of years ago.

Thank you for that reminder... It's really shocking how easily even a couple years down the line, I am sort of unconsciously able to sort of drift into a sense that I wasn't that bad. Or just sort of let those horrors fade into a corner of the old memory files...

For me, it's important to read these stories and to allow them to shine a light back on my own stories, keeping them fresh, reminding me how easily I could be back there, how out of control and how awful that was.

AlaskaGirl

I cry when I re-read it. Every word is what I just did to myself less than two weeks ago, and I even left out some of the grosser details. The bathroom problems, the acid reflux, my face so swollen I look twenty pounds heavier than I am. Good times. Posts from people like you let me know that it's not impossible to put all that behind me for good. Thank you.

sva777

Great on going to the Dr and getting a medical detox set up. Also great to hear your gonna get your BP under control.