Crete211

It is a problem and that's why I am here. I do not want to be held captive anymore with constant drinking and not knowing when to stop. I want to be free (or as free as I can be).

Crete211

It has absolutely been a gradual process for me. Thank you for the support. I have been doing the one day at a time, while also talking with my family... and guess what, they still love me. It's been 5 days now sober, but i know the hardest days are ahead of me.

Rar

Welcome to SR Crete and congratulations on your 5 days! Read as many posts as you can and post often. It will be a great help and reinforce your desire to remain alcohol free.

MyNewStart

Crete, my Phsyc this week made it clear to me that stopping drinking for a week or month is different than quitting. Your mind knows you can and will have a drink again. I used the I've made it "X" days without drinking. His paradym was interesting to me and that helped me hunker down and understand what I was looking at.

I was Ok with that but it let me know that I need more than just me in this game. I wanted to stack the deck in my favor because my Wife is the prize of my life. I am so very blessed to know and have her in my life. Stacking the deck to me ment to grab every tool that I could. AA included, Phsyc, family doctor.

A note about AA and I have a thread about it because I wasn't sure it was right. I did not enjoy the first two that I went to and stopped going. This group here and my doctor said, try another one because they are all a bit different. Today I went and not only stayed for the first meeting, I joined a second meeting. Three hours in total. I enjoyed these people and can see them as friends down the road.

Your 10 months in to a new relationship with a Wife you love dearly. I believe that you have a decision to make very soon. Very soon. You have not built up enough credits in her love bank with that short relationship. You need to put more credits in and stop taking them out with alcohol. Trust me, how full is her love bank? How full is yours?

That said, I am just starting my journey so I have a lot to learn. Watch the three YouTube videos that cover the AA steps 1-12. It starts with steps 1-3. If after watching those if it resonates with you, try another AA group. Wishing you the best.

Dee74

congrats on day 5 Crete

D

Crete211

I like that way of thinking. Her love bank has got to be pretty empty. I fill it up for a few months at a time when things are good, then I go and screw it up again. I just do not know where to start with gaining that trust, if it is even possible. Shes the only thing that matters to me. I know this is a long-term thing for us, as nothing will be a short fix. That just wont work.
--Thank you

Soberwolf

Congrats Crete

MyNewStart

Emotional bank is what I generally call it. Taking her emotional bank to zero is one thing. Keep making withdrawals, and you go NSF. When you go NSF at your local bank they are not very happy. They even retaliate a bit with nasty calls and letters. (Sound familiar with her) If you have taken your wife's emotional bank negative, don't expect good gestures from her until you bring it back up above zero. Keep making deposit after deposit and stop taking withdrawals from her emotional bank. If you can and do think like this, I believe every human responds whether they understand why or not. I know I do. I have an emotional bank with every person I know. I don't think about it like that but it is there, guaranteed.

Also remember, that the local bank can and will close your account when they have had enough with your NSF's. Your wife can and will as well (it's called divorce). Now is the time to decide. Will you take more withdrawals. I pray you will not. Best wishes.

OpenTuning

Hi Crete,

Well done for taking the steps you are to make a change. It takes courage to accept you aren't in control of your drinking while still relatively young.

I've done many, many things in my life I'm deeply ashamed of. Not one of them happened while I was sober. Many of them I only know about second hand because I have no memory of them.

Knowing now that I will never, ever do anything to shame myself or my family again is a powerful motivation to stay sober, even though most people I know now thought of me as a "social drinker". It just isn't worth the risk to aim for that as a goal. Clearly you're someone who doesn't have an off switch once you've had more than a certain amount, and that is permanent. That's how alcohol works. At some point, despite your best intentions and no matter how good you've been for weeks or months, you'll be persuaded to have "just one more" some night and you'll be off to the races again. On the flip side, there aren't many marriages that break up because the husband doesn't drink enough alcohol.

I'm also not an AA kind of guy (another AVRT fan). The great thing with SR is you have people here who've used every method under the sun. Different approaches work for different people. You just need to find the one that fits right for you.

Crete211

Thank you for the support. Never to shame myself, but more importantly my family. Most people know me as a social drinker as well, but never experienced the aftermath of continued drinking when I got home. My wife has seen the worst. She is a strong woman and no idea why she is still with me. Guess all I can do is never Lie or Drink again to win her trust.

I will look into AVRT. Thank you again!

CaliButterfly

I'm a big proponent of AVRT as well. It's on the Rational Recovery website and you can take a free crash course. It got me on my way to complete and utter commitment to NEVER drink again. Positive vibes out to you that you find your path.