Hevyn

11 days - how wonderful. Nice to see you so positive, Horatio. You're doing this.

Horatio48

12 days. Approaching Friday. Can see a danger zone ahead. As I feel better and stronger. "I can't control my drinking. It causes discomfort, ill health and I am a better man without it." Repeat. There's a part of me that says that I am being unfair and need to amend this to: "Sometimes, I can't control my drinking. It often causes terrible hangovers and an inability to function for a day or two, but I also really love it and usually quite enjoy the evening - or at least those parts of it that I can remember." It's the kind of "make hay while the sun shines" approach - even if it shines for slightly shorter at least it shines. Normally I am reasonably rational, but I find it very challenging to get my head round this giving up liquor business. Even though in my heart and in my head, I know the answer. It's really quite straightforward. But the question keeps popping up.

happyandfree

Hi Horatio! 12 days is awesome! Keep going.
yes, the weekends can be tough. Keep close to this site...check in as often as possible. We also have a weekend thread...posted by Weasel, that starts every Thursday. It is light and fun...reminding us about how we feel good in sobriety and are enjoying life. Just jump in. See you this weekend!

Horatio48

2 weeks. All is going well. Just a few dreams where I drink a little and feel a bit guilty. Then wake up sober. I am now concerned about a six hour flight next weekend where there will be an open bar at the back of the plane. I normally drink the better part of a bottle of wine during the course of this flight and sometimes a couple of stiff whiskies before landing. I know I cannot drink safely. But my mind is still planning, almost unconsciously - as if on auto pilot - to drink. This is compounded by the fact that I have a couple of days off when I get to my destination and this would normally involve eating out and drinking. So there's a voice saying to me, just three or four days of drinking reasonably heavily (not more than two bottles of wine a day) - then back on the wagon. That's about 60 units, I will have been dry for three weeks so that's not too bad. Crazy or what?

sobriiestote

My doctor has told me to visualise handling each situation differently.

Make yourself a plan.

1st order - still water
Next order - sparkling water with lemon
Next order - orange juice or apple juice
Next order - coke or whatever your favourite soft drink is

Basically build up slowly to your favourite non alcoholic drink so you feel like you've earned it. And if you like crosswords or soduko take some of those too, cause that's something you couldn't do drunk, lol!

Soberwolf

2 weeks is awesome Horatio

IOAA2

Hi and congratulations with your sober time.

Your thinking is common with alcoholics that’s why so few recover, alcoholism is very progressive and is doing so if we drink or not.
I needed to stop all the thinking of drinking and romanticizing drinking, it’s a toxic poison for me. I needed to concentrate on non drinking and the effects alcohol created, all your reactions to drinking is not considered healthy in any way. Try looking up the effects of alcohol. It only gives us allergic to it misery.

BE WELL

Horatio48

20 days sober. Feeling good. So why am I even thinking of sabotaging it all by drinking this coming weekend? Is it a self-destructive streak? I find it baffling. For the last day or so I have meticulously planned in my mind how much I will drink and when. Then said to myself I must not do this because I will probably never stick to the plan. I am reminded of the final words of a Julian Barnes novel I read last year:

"There is accumulation. There is responsibility. And beyond these, there is unrest. There is great unrest."

jryan19982

Because that is the beast talking. But addiction/beat is a paraplegic (doesnt have arms, legs etc), you and you only control your arms and mouth which is how you would consume the alcohol. Say that you wont drink, mean it, and dont do it.

20 days is awesome- that is almost 3 weeks!

Think about what kind of progress you have made.
Are you feeling better? Are you less sick?
Are you more productive?
Have you saved money?
Have you found a new hobby/interest?
What have you done with your sober time?
Are you happy with your sober time? Are you willing to give it up for a few drinkings?

Horatio48

Relapsed. Pretty heavy 4 and a half days of drinking. But have stopped today after an afternoon session. Taken 1 mg of Lorazepam to calm me and stop the urge for evening drinking.. Another Day 1. It wasn't black out drinking. But it was clearly excessive (about 20 units a day).

Dee74

Sorry I missed your earlier post Horatio.

Getting sober wasn't easy but it was a lot easier than staying sober for me.

My life revolved around drinking - if I really wanted to make a permanent change I had to make permanent changes in my life.

I was very cautious about what social invites I accepted. That didn't mean I stayed at home and stared at the walls, but I did try and avoid events where alcohol would be flowing.

There are other things you can do to have fun and pass the time that won't involve alcohol, even in Asia.

This is a good list to start you thinking about it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

I really needed to build up my sobriety muscles before I went out into the alcohol soaked world again.

It took a few months but I still consider that time to be one of the best investments in my future I've ever made

D

Horatio48

Day 2. I am trying hard to identify the trigger that caused my relapse. Not sure I can. It just kind of happened. I sort of walked into it and a part of me knew I would walk into it. Still a little shaky today. I read an article where an alcoholic said things got better when she switched from believing that she was drinking because she was unhappy to believing that she was unhappy because she was drinking. I am slowly finding, and I hope realising, that liquor has nothing to offer me anymore. Even in moments of existential crisis, the relief or distraction it brings is meaningless and in my case just leads to more pain. This is the second time I have fallen off the wagon in about three months. Not good. I wish my mind would behave. And get the message. I am going to try very hard to get it right this time.

Dee74

Have you considered making a recovery action plan?

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

Horatio48

8 days sober now. Including a long flight across a continent with booze flowing freely. A highly spiced Virgin Mary is a tasty drink. Feeling good. Will make a detailed recovery action plan as recommended to try and ensure there are no more blips. It's a tough battle. Because the enemy is within.

Dee74

Congrats on 8 days

D

Hevyn

Great to hear, Horatio. 8 days is terrific.

jryan19982

drinking because she was unhappy to believing that she was unhappy because she was drinking

rings true and rings hard and rings loud. I dont know of any other way of putting that. It is right on the money, hit the nail on the head, spot on, etc...

Horatio48

15 days sober now. All is good. But I want to go away for a few days break, drink excessively for 2 or 3 days, spend a day recovering, then back to sobriety. I can't do it for at least a couple of weeks because of work commitments. My mind is saying about 80 - 100 units a month is ok. That's 20 - 25 units a week on average. Can't I do that? So the plan is to try and find something else to do which I really enjoy. Maybe just play a lot of golf for a few days. Watch some movies or tv. Jeez. None of it seems half as appealing as getting wasted for a few days. Still trying to rewire the brain.

Notimetoloose

Hey Horatio, if you give it a little more time, the thought of a 3 day bender will roll your stomach and make you gag...That is what it is like for me.
Don't get me wrong, I still get ideas exactly like that but within 5 seconds I feel the potential damage and it has no appeal to me....
15 days is great, congratulations.

Horatio48

Three weeks sober. Yesterday I had a bad day at work. Was generally irritable with myself and the world. Nothing seemed to be going right. That is how I felt. Regardless of the reality. That's usually a trigger. Since liquor used to introduce an almost immediate perspective. Fortunately there was no booze in the house and for me to get any in this dry country involves a bit of an effort. Lucky me. Today was a better day. I worked out when I started to feel a bit deflated. This perked me up. Keeping at it. I suppose eventually it will stop being a battle and just be a way to live.