20 days sober. Feeling good. So why am I even thinking of sabotaging it all by drinking this coming weekend? Is it a self-destructive streak? I find it baffling. For the last day or so I have meticulously planned in my mind how much I will drink and when. Then said to myself I must not do this because I will probably never stick to the plan. I am reminded of the final words of a Julian Barnes novel I read last year:
"There is accumulation. There is responsibility. And beyond these, there is unrest. There is great unrest."