The "high-functioning" myth
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here / thanks for the post.
Yes - high functioning , I know that path. Today I am 14 months sober and can begin to understand some of the ideas I thought to be true. Myth is correct , I agree.
The opportunity cost of what I lost is incalculable. I am past the regret of that as the program I use teaches us how to deal with life on life's terms. But, facts are facts.
The final realization for me was pretty simple - my values and beliefs no longer mimicked my actions and behaviors. I was a fear driven, self centered person walking around with blinders on. I was " there" for my family , but rarely present.
You've made a great decision - action and not just knowledge are the keys !!
Keep coming back
Yes - high functioning , I know that path. Today I am 14 months sober and can begin to understand some of the ideas I thought to be true. Myth is correct , I agree.
The opportunity cost of what I lost is incalculable. I am past the regret of that as the program I use teaches us how to deal with life on life's terms. But, facts are facts.
The final realization for me was pretty simple - my values and beliefs no longer mimicked my actions and behaviors. I was a fear driven, self centered person walking around with blinders on. I was " there" for my family , but rarely present.
You've made a great decision - action and not just knowledge are the keys !!
Keep coming back
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by LBrain 
hello mj, welcome back
You left out a very important detail. And that is, Why do you drink? Why do you think you drink? What causes you to want to drink? Besides it being a 'bad habit' now, it has progressed to the stage of becoming a necessity for you to get along. I assume anyway.
There are a few things to discuss, or how to approach this. First of all, just quitting drinking without knowing why you started and continued drinking in the first place without addressing that issue will be a struggle. You'll need to deal with the psychological struggle (addiction) as well as the physiological addiction.
Then you must figure out how to get there. Can you take time away from work? A week? A month? A month away from your family?
If you can get a month, I recommend going to a 30 day rehab for you. Otherwise do a hospitalized detox and get quit drinking.
Many here quit drinking and use this site as a means of support. Look at the secular connections forum and learn what the "Big Plan" is. That may be up your alley.
You left out a very important detail. And that is, Why do you drink? Why do you think you drink? What causes you to want to drink? Besides it being a 'bad habit' now, it has progressed to the stage of becoming a necessity for you to get along. I assume anyway.
There are a few things to discuss, or how to approach this. First of all, just quitting drinking without knowing why you started and continued drinking in the first place without addressing that issue will be a struggle. You'll need to deal with the psychological struggle (addiction) as well as the physiological addiction.
Then you must figure out how to get there. Can you take time away from work? A week? A month? A month away from your family?
If you can get a month, I recommend going to a 30 day rehab for you. Otherwise do a hospitalized detox and get quit drinking.
Many here quit drinking and use this site as a means of support. Look at the secular connections forum and learn what the "Big Plan" is. That may be up your alley.
I associated drinking w winning. It was how I was raised.
Probably from all the commercials on TV.
I got hooked. Addicted. Felt the physical/mental ramifications recently when I was exercising. Struggled. Binged. Quit. Researched. Found this forum.
92 days sober. 1 daat. Ghm.
I refuse to utter a word about failing. My life depends on it.
I am a serious as a heart attack.
I will use the word hope in the following context. My only hope it that posting my mindset here will help others stop drinking if that is their desire.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
"high-functioning" for some just means they worked all their lives
without getting fired
and didn't end up on skid row
sure came close here
not to mention the stress to self, family and friends
MM
without getting fired
and didn't end up on skid row
sure came close here
not to mention the stress to self, family and friends
MM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 147
Hi my journey,
Welcome. Your story is very familiar to me. The good news is you've admitted you have a problem. I knew for the last three to five years but reasoned/lied to myself to continue drinking. I started seriously trying to quit on May 30th. I have slipped 6 times and now on day 7 again. If I can make this much progress in just over two months you can too. You can do even better. Just don't give up. You can do this.
Welcome. Your story is very familiar to me. The good news is you've admitted you have a problem. I knew for the last three to five years but reasoned/lied to myself to continue drinking. I started seriously trying to quit on May 30th. I have slipped 6 times and now on day 7 again. If I can make this much progress in just over two months you can too. You can do even better. Just don't give up. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southeast U.S.
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by LBrain
hello mj, welcome back
You left out a very important detail. And that is, Why do you drink? Why do you think you drink? What causes you to want to drink? Besides it being a 'bad habit' now, it has progressed to the stage of becoming a necessity for you to get along. I assume anyway.
There are a few things to discuss, or how to approach this. First of all, just quitting drinking without knowing why you started and continued drinking in the first place without addressing that issue will be a struggle. You'll need to deal with the psychological struggle (addiction) as well as the physiological addiction.
Then you must figure out how to get there. Can you take time away from work? A week? A month? A month away from your family?
If you can get a month, I recommend going to a 30 day rehab for you. Otherwise do a hospitalized detox and get quit drinking.
Many here quit drinking and use this site as a means of support. Look at the secular connections forum and learn what the "Big Plan" is. That may be up your alley.
You left out a very important detail. And that is, Why do you drink? Why do you think you drink? What causes you to want to drink? Besides it being a 'bad habit' now, it has progressed to the stage of becoming a necessity for you to get along. I assume anyway.
There are a few things to discuss, or how to approach this. First of all, just quitting drinking without knowing why you started and continued drinking in the first place without addressing that issue will be a struggle. You'll need to deal with the psychological struggle (addiction) as well as the physiological addiction.
Then you must figure out how to get there. Can you take time away from work? A week? A month? A month away from your family?
If you can get a month, I recommend going to a 30 day rehab for you. Otherwise do a hospitalized detox and get quit drinking.
Many here quit drinking and use this site as a means of support. Look at the secular connections forum and learn what the "Big Plan" is. That may be up your alley.
I know why I drink. I drink because I like the numb feeling it gives me. I drink because it just feels good at the time and it helps me ignore all of the things I don't like to face about my life. I know what those things are and you're right...I need treatment for the underlying cause. I also drink because I got in the habit of "that's what everyone does when they go to a party!" Or at least, the friends I made.
I made it through a full Day 1 yesterday and into Day 2 today. I'm happy to report I'm sober tonight, and I had no withdrawal symptoms today. None. I have no idea how or why. I did take an Ambien last night that my doc prescribed to me so I could get through the night with good sleep and no insomnia. While I woke up still feeling a little tired, I felt completely normal within about 20 mins. I was amazed.
I expected prolonged withdrawal symptoms given the times I tried to quit last week.
I can't get away for 30 days; not without medical leave, and not without telling them why I'm going on medical leave. The good news is, I'm getting help via outpatient addiction counseling as well as through my doctor. Plus I have all of you fine people here that are such an inspiration to me.
Thank you for taking the time to ask me if I've really thought it through. I have...I've thought about it so many times. I've got a personal blog that was started about 1.5 years ago that contains probably over 100 posts about the "why." I just never really wanted to give up the booze until recently when things started to get really scary. When you wake up one day and realize you've gained 60 lbs, have high blood pressure, heart palpitations, and gastro issues, plus you're beginning to "work from home" when you don't really have a job that allows you to do that regularly, you might have issues.
Thankfully, I recognized it and sought help before it was too late!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southeast U.S.
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by RogerD
Hi my journey,
Welcome. Your story is very familiar to me. The good news is you've admitted you have a problem. I knew for the last three to five years but reasoned/lied to myself to continue drinking. I started seriously trying to quit on May 30th. I have slipped 6 times and now on day 7 again. If I can make this much progress in just over two months you can too. You can do even better. Just don't give up. You can do this.
Welcome. Your story is very familiar to me. The good news is you've admitted you have a problem. I knew for the last three to five years but reasoned/lied to myself to continue drinking. I started seriously trying to quit on May 30th. I have slipped 6 times and now on day 7 again. If I can make this much progress in just over two months you can too. You can do even better. Just don't give up. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southeast U.S.
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
"high-functioning" for some just means they worked all their lives
without getting fired
and didn't end up on skid row
sure came close here
not to mention the stress to self, family and friends
MM
without getting fired
and didn't end up on skid row
sure came close here
not to mention the stress to self, family and friends
MM
Thanks for your reply!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southeast U.S.
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Rio97
I used to be high functioning, then I wasn't. I still wish I had quit when the bottom began to fall out. You're making the right decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southeast U.S.
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by D122y
The reason I drank was because I wanted every day to be a party. I thought I could pull it off. No way. Nobody can pull it off. I can smell and/or spot a drunk rikitik.
I associated drinking w winning. It was how I was raised.
Probably from all the commercials on TV.
I got hooked. Addicted. Felt the physical/mental ramifications recently when I was exercising. Struggled. Binged. Quit. Researched. Found this forum.
92 days sober. 1 daat. Ghm.
I refuse to utter a word about failing. My life depends on it.
I am a serious as a heart attack.
I will use the word hope in the following context. My only hope it that posting my mindset here will help others stop drinking if that is their desire.
I associated drinking w winning. It was how I was raised.
Probably from all the commercials on TV.
I got hooked. Addicted. Felt the physical/mental ramifications recently when I was exercising. Struggled. Binged. Quit. Researched. Found this forum.
92 days sober. 1 daat. Ghm.
I refuse to utter a word about failing. My life depends on it.
I am a serious as a heart attack.
I will use the word hope in the following context. My only hope it that posting my mindset here will help others stop drinking if that is their desire.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southeast U.S.
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy
Glad you're here / thanks for the post.
Yes - high functioning , I know that path. Today I am 14 months sober and can begin to understand some of the ideas I thought to be true. Myth is correct , I agree.
The opportunity cost of what I lost is incalculable. I am past the regret of that as the program I use teaches us how to deal with life on life's terms. But, facts are facts.
The final realization for me was pretty simple - my values and beliefs no longer mimicked my actions and behaviors. I was a fear driven, self centered person walking around with blinders on. I was " there" for my family , but rarely present.
You've made a great decision - action and not just knowledge are the keys !!
Keep coming back
Yes - high functioning , I know that path. Today I am 14 months sober and can begin to understand some of the ideas I thought to be true. Myth is correct , I agree.
The opportunity cost of what I lost is incalculable. I am past the regret of that as the program I use teaches us how to deal with life on life's terms. But, facts are facts.
The final realization for me was pretty simple - my values and beliefs no longer mimicked my actions and behaviors. I was a fear driven, self centered person walking around with blinders on. I was " there" for my family , but rarely present.
You've made a great decision - action and not just knowledge are the keys !!
Keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Good for you, nice work on your post and a fine introduction!
Alcoholics love the term "high functioning" because it seems to make the "alcoholic" part seem so much less important.
We might whisper in our thoughts: "Gee, I might be an alcoholic". That's when the fear starts and your self-defense mechanism kicks in with "A HIGH FUNCTIONING alcoholic, that is!" and it makes you feel better. "High functioning" stands for something that is running well, a finely tuned engine, the picture of perfection, something efficient and admirable. It stands for quality. Alcoholics are not a good representation of the phrase.
I went into rehab absolutely baffled at how I got there. I remember listing out all of my accomplishments to a counselor: I was a college grad. Had a high-paying job on Michigan Ave downtown in Chicago. I wore a suit to meetings, for god's sakes! I dated cute women, I had fun friends...by golly I had life by the tail! Let me out of this damn rehab center and send me home to Chicago where I can continue to live my amazing life!
Fact is, by the time I'd landed in rehab I'd been hospitalized for withdrawal seizures. More than once. Oh and that great job? Yeah, I'd already quit that fancy job a year ago. The women I dated? Long gone. And those friends? Worried. I was broke, alone, and every day I became a worse version of myself than I had been the day before. Nobody who knew me well thought I was high functioning at all at this point in life. I was in terrible denial, as are most people who use that term to deflect criticism.
You have done a great job coming clean and getting your issues on the table. Now it's time to act on your new goals. That starts with not drinking. There's no easy way to do this - you just have to stop. You will not be happy with this at all, for a while. This will seem difficult and pointless and you'll be pissed off and bitter. But you'll be inspired. You'll have hope. And you'll have something to hang your hat on during those early tough days. Because you're not drinking. That's a guaranteed 'win' for you every day. You will feel better, you will get your life back, but make sure to stick around here, and stick with it! There is a "never say die" mentality that is already showing through. You are here. You want your life back. Now all you have to do is take it. Good luck and welcome!
Alcoholics love the term "high functioning" because it seems to make the "alcoholic" part seem so much less important.
We might whisper in our thoughts: "Gee, I might be an alcoholic". That's when the fear starts and your self-defense mechanism kicks in with "A HIGH FUNCTIONING alcoholic, that is!" and it makes you feel better. "High functioning" stands for something that is running well, a finely tuned engine, the picture of perfection, something efficient and admirable. It stands for quality. Alcoholics are not a good representation of the phrase.
I went into rehab absolutely baffled at how I got there. I remember listing out all of my accomplishments to a counselor: I was a college grad. Had a high-paying job on Michigan Ave downtown in Chicago. I wore a suit to meetings, for god's sakes! I dated cute women, I had fun friends...by golly I had life by the tail! Let me out of this damn rehab center and send me home to Chicago where I can continue to live my amazing life!
Fact is, by the time I'd landed in rehab I'd been hospitalized for withdrawal seizures. More than once. Oh and that great job? Yeah, I'd already quit that fancy job a year ago. The women I dated? Long gone. And those friends? Worried. I was broke, alone, and every day I became a worse version of myself than I had been the day before. Nobody who knew me well thought I was high functioning at all at this point in life. I was in terrible denial, as are most people who use that term to deflect criticism.
You have done a great job coming clean and getting your issues on the table. Now it's time to act on your new goals. That starts with not drinking. There's no easy way to do this - you just have to stop. You will not be happy with this at all, for a while. This will seem difficult and pointless and you'll be pissed off and bitter. But you'll be inspired. You'll have hope. And you'll have something to hang your hat on during those early tough days. Because you're not drinking. That's a guaranteed 'win' for you every day. You will feel better, you will get your life back, but make sure to stick around here, and stick with it! There is a "never say die" mentality that is already showing through. You are here. You want your life back. Now all you have to do is take it. Good luck and welcome!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 35
Hi MJ. Glad to be on this journey with you. I too thought I was a "high-functioning" alcoholic. I too, tried on my own many times and couldn't get past day 1, for the last year. This site has been amazing. I'm in this for the long haul too. I feel great about this choice so far, and no major withdrawal symptoms yet (fingers x!) My quitting day was also Sunday August 9th. I too have a wonderful career, two beautiful kids (young though), and supportive husband. We are in the right place. The right things happen in the right time. It's amazing, a few weeks ago I would've never dreamt that I would even want to quit forever. When I decided to quit Sunday I was just going to try it for a week and then maybe become a social/ weekend drinker. I have since decided why do that? Why put myself in that danger? So much easier to just decide to quit ALTOGETHER than to have to constantly be thinking about it, if I'm drinking too much, could I have just a little more, etc etc etc. It takes over your life. I'm so over it. I have a real life to live.
Have a good night!
Have a good night!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey Myjourney,
Welcome. My story is very similar. My health was in terrible shape and I also was on the verge of losing everything: job, relationship, health. But seriously, what does the job or relationship matter if we aren't alive to enjoy them? I am here with good news. When we quit our bodies do a phenomenal job of healing. I was in terrible shape when I stopped and I didn't know if I had waited too long but I'm 13 months sober and feel great.
Please stick around. Checking in on here has been the #1 help to my recovery.
Welcome. My story is very similar. My health was in terrible shape and I also was on the verge of losing everything: job, relationship, health. But seriously, what does the job or relationship matter if we aren't alive to enjoy them? I am here with good news. When we quit our bodies do a phenomenal job of healing. I was in terrible shape when I stopped and I didn't know if I had waited too long but I'm 13 months sober and feel great.
Please stick around. Checking in on here has been the #1 help to my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 47
Hi My journey,
WOW am I glad I randomly chose to log onto SR this morning! I joined a few years ago and have been lurking here and there, playing at recovery but getting nowhere.
I am 40, a mom of 2 kids, have a good degree, nice job, "high functioning" etc etc. But I too have gained 75 pounds (!!), have high BP, probably borderline diabetic, red face, and the newest and worst thing is that I have a swollen feeling under my right rib cage which tells me I have really screwed up my liver. I'm trying to muster the courage to go to the doc. It's been years. I know I need that wake up call, I also binge smoke when I drink so my lungs are all cruddy.
Anyway, I want to thank you for sharing your journey with us. With me. I strongly relate to your situation and I'm trying to find my new Day One. It's so easy to just numb out with the alcohol rather than face all the worries I've currently got. Two weeks ago I had 8 days. 8 DAYS SOBER!! But I blew it. Looking for a new day one and you have given me some things to think about. Thank you.
WOW am I glad I randomly chose to log onto SR this morning! I joined a few years ago and have been lurking here and there, playing at recovery but getting nowhere.
I am 40, a mom of 2 kids, have a good degree, nice job, "high functioning" etc etc. But I too have gained 75 pounds (!!), have high BP, probably borderline diabetic, red face, and the newest and worst thing is that I have a swollen feeling under my right rib cage which tells me I have really screwed up my liver. I'm trying to muster the courage to go to the doc. It's been years. I know I need that wake up call, I also binge smoke when I drink so my lungs are all cruddy.
Anyway, I want to thank you for sharing your journey with us. With me. I strongly relate to your situation and I'm trying to find my new Day One. It's so easy to just numb out with the alcohol rather than face all the worries I've currently got. Two weeks ago I had 8 days. 8 DAYS SOBER!! But I blew it. Looking for a new day one and you have given me some things to think about. Thank you.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Hi, I wish you good luck. How did your health tests pan out?
I too labeled myself high functioning while I was drinking, now 7+ months sober I realize what a load of crap that was. I was going through the motions with work and family but I was missing the details and that is what you will be happy to notice again once sober.
I too labeled myself high functioning while I was drinking, now 7+ months sober I realize what a load of crap that was. I was going through the motions with work and family but I was missing the details and that is what you will be happy to notice again once sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Hi Myjourney! Glad you are here. We are all in this together my friend. Lots of people at different stages in recovery. I haven't got it down 100% yet myself but I've come a loooong ways since joining SR! You will also. Keep posting and reading!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
