Drinking or cutting???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
Strat I just responded on your other thread about C-PTSD.
Take it from me--it ain't worth it to drink or cut over ANYTHING.
Hell and back aint got nuthin on us! The view from the Healing Mountain is amazing...come on up.
Waiting for you.
Take it from me--it ain't worth it to drink or cut over ANYTHING.
Hell and back aint got nuthin on us! The view from the Healing Mountain is amazing...come on up.
Waiting for you.
30 Days & Under Club
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Strat, I hope you're ok. Hang in there!!
Lol, this is funny. I can NEVER say I'm bored again! Thank you for the list /links--I just bookmarked the site and pasted the list in my iphone notes. 
Originally Posted by TheCrow 
Distractions from http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
I can't move to Texas, unfortunately WFL. Thanks anyway hey.
I could cut off my ears and send them, one each to my parents???
And cut off my nose and send it on to the mental health services…
I'm not a 'cutter' btw. It's a regressive idea that goes back even further than my solvent & alcohol abuse etc, i.e. back a long time.
So I'l be honest, with alcohol and substances out of the picture now I find that idea resurfacing again.
It goes way back to my childhood because I was experimenting with self harming until I discovered said means of disassociation.
I could cut off my ears and send them, one each to my parents???
And cut off my nose and send it on to the mental health services…
I'm not a 'cutter' btw. It's a regressive idea that goes back even further than my solvent & alcohol abuse etc, i.e. back a long time.
So I'l be honest, with alcohol and substances out of the picture now I find that idea resurfacing again.
It goes way back to my childhood because I was experimenting with self harming until I discovered said means of disassociation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Calling police or an ambulance and saying you are in danger of harming yourself is a good idea. It may help to circumvent all the dicking around and red tape you are experiencing with mental health services trying to get some help - put you at 'the top of the list' sort of thing. I really feel for you, Strat xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Strat I understand. I have had issues with insomnia for ages and ages. I was seeing a mental health service and they would not give me one single sleeping pill. After a close loved one passed away, I slept every 24-48 hours for at least 2 months. I barely recall this period. I ended up acquiring benzos on my own, which put me on the path to hell.
Sometimes social services really fall short. Sorry you are suffering.
Just keep coming here.
Sometimes social services really fall short. Sorry you are suffering.
Just keep coming here.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Stratman1
So I'l be honest, with alcohol and substances out of the picture now I find that idea resurfacing again.
.
.
Posting youtube videos about PTSD isn't going to help you get better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Hi John sorry I didn't reply to your question.
As I said, it's an idea that goes way back to my childhood before I started sniffing gas & petrol, drinking, smoking etc so I was all up for experimenting with drugs from then on instead. And some of those experiments have been the only really good times in my life. Except it never lasts, because the majority of my problems are actually external to myself which I just cannot solve alone. Now as an adult as when I was a child.
Back to your point though. There was 'an incident' here 2 years ago. I had been out drinking all day and came back here. My aunty who I am living with because I would be homeless otherwise got up even though I made no noise to berate me which was an every night occurrence. I wanted her out of my face but she doesn't understand any reason that exists outside of people living to her imaginary standards, so I grabbed a blunt knife and scraped it across my arm a few times. Out of frustration pretty much.
She threatened to ring the ambulance and I said do that. That was the whole point, I wanted her out of my head and I suppose in a sense it was a cry for help. I've had that incident thrown in my face by her many times since btw.
So I woke up in hospital the next day, oh rite. My new jacket was cut up the arm, there was actually no need for that. And they said 'ok, so you won't do that again now will ya' and I say 'no'. And off they sent me.
And to Scott and Too Shabby. It was the same when I took an OD! They just sent me on my way, in fact back to my mothers residence where I endured thee worst year of my life perhaps, and there was no follow up. No counselling or anything. 'now you won't do that again will ya'?
I wouldn't say I am annoyed but I am confused, yes? Because I read where others have done similar things and went through intensive therapies and rehabs. Thats why I took that OD, it was a distinct cry for help (it was the cherry on the cake of a long and sustained multidimensional cry for help) and I thought I would get some as a result.
But I didn't, so wtf. That's why I am thinking, what I got to do next? Certainly I have brought plenty of attention to myself, that was point but I am not getting any help as a result.
Used to think ok- here's an idea: I can get drunk and go down the town and smash a few windows, then I know it will be the cops but at least I will have somewhere to stay and people to talk to???
Then I gotta save some of these ideas for when I inevitably end up homeless, because I never realized I've been on the brink of that my whole life. Now that I'm sober, I do realize that. I am that.
You guys are telling me I should move to city and find a job without accepting the fact that I am dealing with all this and that is gonna be so dangerous.
The very first thing I will have to do is drink and go back into chameleon mode for whatever situations I find myself in. I don't know anything else.
The same thing I'm doing all my life ffs. Alcohol eradicates the fear. I wouldn't mind but I am not even helpless or hopeless you know.
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Do they know your cutting? John
As I said, it's an idea that goes way back to my childhood before I started sniffing gas & petrol, drinking, smoking etc so I was all up for experimenting with drugs from then on instead. And some of those experiments have been the only really good times in my life. Except it never lasts, because the majority of my problems are actually external to myself which I just cannot solve alone. Now as an adult as when I was a child.
Back to your point though. There was 'an incident' here 2 years ago. I had been out drinking all day and came back here. My aunty who I am living with because I would be homeless otherwise got up even though I made no noise to berate me which was an every night occurrence. I wanted her out of my face but she doesn't understand any reason that exists outside of people living to her imaginary standards, so I grabbed a blunt knife and scraped it across my arm a few times. Out of frustration pretty much.
She threatened to ring the ambulance and I said do that. That was the whole point, I wanted her out of my head and I suppose in a sense it was a cry for help. I've had that incident thrown in my face by her many times since btw.
So I woke up in hospital the next day, oh rite. My new jacket was cut up the arm, there was actually no need for that. And they said 'ok, so you won't do that again now will ya' and I say 'no'. And off they sent me.
And to Scott and Too Shabby. It was the same when I took an OD! They just sent me on my way, in fact back to my mothers residence where I endured thee worst year of my life perhaps, and there was no follow up. No counselling or anything. 'now you won't do that again will ya'?
I wouldn't say I am annoyed but I am confused, yes? Because I read where others have done similar things and went through intensive therapies and rehabs. Thats why I took that OD, it was a distinct cry for help (it was the cherry on the cake of a long and sustained multidimensional cry for help) and I thought I would get some as a result.
But I didn't, so wtf. That's why I am thinking, what I got to do next? Certainly I have brought plenty of attention to myself, that was point but I am not getting any help as a result.
Used to think ok- here's an idea: I can get drunk and go down the town and smash a few windows, then I know it will be the cops but at least I will have somewhere to stay and people to talk to???
Then I gotta save some of these ideas for when I inevitably end up homeless, because I never realized I've been on the brink of that my whole life. Now that I'm sober, I do realize that. I am that.
You guys are telling me I should move to city and find a job without accepting the fact that I am dealing with all this and that is gonna be so dangerous.
The very first thing I will have to do is drink and go back into chameleon mode for whatever situations I find myself in. I don't know anything else.
The same thing I'm doing all my life ffs. Alcohol eradicates the fear. I wouldn't mind but I am not even helpless or hopeless you know.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Stratman1
You guys are telling me I should move to city and find a job without accepting the fact that I am dealing with all this and that is gonna be so dangerous.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Yes - if they let you down last time that's their fault and their problem - not yours. You need help and you deserve help, end of story. I wonder if there isn't a bit of an AV (abuse voice) telling you that you didn't get help last time and you won't get it this time because you don't 'deserve' it on some level. You sound to me as if you have what you might call 'righteous indignation'. Good for you - rightly so - use that to your advantage. Ask for the help you need and deserve. This time may be different :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
I'm not gonna cut of my ears Anna, I'm just saying it for as an example.
It's not an original idea and I'm not even keen on Vin Diesel but I respect him for that!
As for cutting off my nose to spite my face? I do it all the time anyway.
It's not an original idea and I'm not even keen on Vin Diesel but I respect him for that!
As for cutting off my nose to spite my face? I do it all the time anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Man Strat, you've gone through a lot. One thing I can relate to is that for many of us, you have to be your own advocate. I have one person that I talk to occasionally on the phone, but except for that, my only support is SR. But of course, SR can only do so much. You have to be willing to step up to the plate and keep trying, no matter what. I know how hard that is, but the way I look at it; you, like me only have two choices. Stand up and fight for what you deserve and keep fighting until you get it, or accept a slow, painful death through drinking. For me, it's a no-brainer. I hope it is for you too. Go to the ER and get the positive attention you deserve. John
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
By Healing Mountain, I meant doing what you have to do to be healthy, now. It was a continuation of my other comment on your other thread.
What 2muchpain said is what I meant to say---do what you need to do right now.
You are not alone! And you are worth it.
What 2muchpain said is what I meant to say---do what you need to do right now.
You are not alone! And you are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I dunno Strat, I'm on this same island of Ireland and if I went to my GP in the morning and said I was at a crossroads of either alcohol or cutting I'm pretty positive they would give me a referral to some sort of help or support.
After a discussion about everything surely you'd get some sort of help for everything?!!
After a discussion about everything surely you'd get some sort of help for everything?!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Originally Posted by Purpleknight
I dunno Strat, I'm on this same island of Ireland and if I went to my GP in the morning and said I was at a crossroads of either alcohol or cutting I'm pretty positive they would give me a referral to some sort of help or support.
After a discussion about everything surely you'd get some sort of help for everything?!!
After a discussion about everything surely you'd get some sort of help for everything?!!
I've been at that crossroads now for 15 years. I just get fobbed off all the time, I don't understand it myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Hi Strat
My war cry was "I'll show you, I'll get ME!"
This resulted in a half-hearted suicide attempt and a couple of hospitalizations - sober.
Once the alcohol , pot and cocaine was down it was like the Whack-A-Mole game. Other things would pop up. Still do sometimes but not as severe things.
I had nothing effective to replace those main addictions with. I needed a spiritual awakening.
The 12 Steps gave me that, but I needed to seek hard within AA to find something that could finally work for me. Took me a long time to find it. I was too disturbed to be helped by what most people were doing.
Seek and ye shall find. If you are willing, God will move heaven and earth to being you a solution.
Best
WMJ
My war cry was "I'll show you, I'll get ME!"
This resulted in a half-hearted suicide attempt and a couple of hospitalizations - sober.
Once the alcohol , pot and cocaine was down it was like the Whack-A-Mole game. Other things would pop up. Still do sometimes but not as severe things.
I had nothing effective to replace those main addictions with. I needed a spiritual awakening.
The 12 Steps gave me that, but I needed to seek hard within AA to find something that could finally work for me. Took me a long time to find it. I was too disturbed to be helped by what most people were doing.
Seek and ye shall find. If you are willing, God will move heaven and earth to being you a solution.
Best
WMJ
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Stratman1
I've been at that crossroads now for 15 years. I just get fobbed off all the time, I don't understand it myself.
Do you take medication? I only ask because I know medication changes lives, for me, it did for the better. But I also know it has made people miserable.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
