24 days and getting hard
Ghosts31
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Chicago, illinois
Posts: 40
24 days and getting hard
Hi all. I am thankful I found this site.
I have been reading your stories the last few days and have been very inspired by them and admire you all for the courage you show in battling this disease.
I am 43 years old and have been drinking heavily since the age of 16 and even more heavily to the point of blackout most of the time the last two to three years.
After my most recent binge (two bottles of wine and five 7.7 percent IPAs in four hours) a little over three weeks ago, in which I ended up hospitalized for six days and lost the love of my life (to her credit she is being supportive in helping me with my addiction) as well as my home, I made the decision to stop drinking. In fact when I look at it its hard to believe how many friends drinking has cost me in the past year.
That was 24 days ago.
While this was aided by my GF telling me she could no longer tolerate my drinking (and we both drank quite a bit together throughout our relationship) and while I want to win her love back and will do anything to do that as well as that of my two kids, I realize this is something I need to do if I want to be the person I know I can be and that I have to want to do it for myself.
I am ashamed of everything I have put my family (including an 11 and 9 year old sons) through and would do anything to take back much of the past two years. Included among the these are my first DUI in December that ended up costing over $10,000 and in my most recent binge smashing wine bottles over my head in desperation. I ended up being treated for depression after that one as well, which has helped my mindset tremendously.
While it seemed easy for the first three weeks much of the time (I did not see GF during this time), the past few days have been more difficult as I had to go get my things and have had several heart to hearts with her. I wish I could make things normal again but I know that will not happen overnight and it saddens me to the point where I know I want to drink but also know I cannot if I want this to become reality.
I am an inpatient person on top of that and I wish the people I hurt could see my sincerity to get better and let the past be the past but at the same time I also know it takes time to build trust also.
Enough of my babble ... I guess I know all that I can do is take things one day at a time, continue to reflect on myself and how I can be a better person each day and try and put that into action as I try and start over ... I just pray to God the urges of the last two nights get easier.
Thanks for listening and I look forward to reading your posts and being supportive to everyone here in any way I can.
I have been reading your stories the last few days and have been very inspired by them and admire you all for the courage you show in battling this disease.
I am 43 years old and have been drinking heavily since the age of 16 and even more heavily to the point of blackout most of the time the last two to three years.
After my most recent binge (two bottles of wine and five 7.7 percent IPAs in four hours) a little over three weeks ago, in which I ended up hospitalized for six days and lost the love of my life (to her credit she is being supportive in helping me with my addiction) as well as my home, I made the decision to stop drinking. In fact when I look at it its hard to believe how many friends drinking has cost me in the past year.
That was 24 days ago.
While this was aided by my GF telling me she could no longer tolerate my drinking (and we both drank quite a bit together throughout our relationship) and while I want to win her love back and will do anything to do that as well as that of my two kids, I realize this is something I need to do if I want to be the person I know I can be and that I have to want to do it for myself.
I am ashamed of everything I have put my family (including an 11 and 9 year old sons) through and would do anything to take back much of the past two years. Included among the these are my first DUI in December that ended up costing over $10,000 and in my most recent binge smashing wine bottles over my head in desperation. I ended up being treated for depression after that one as well, which has helped my mindset tremendously.
While it seemed easy for the first three weeks much of the time (I did not see GF during this time), the past few days have been more difficult as I had to go get my things and have had several heart to hearts with her. I wish I could make things normal again but I know that will not happen overnight and it saddens me to the point where I know I want to drink but also know I cannot if I want this to become reality.
I am an inpatient person on top of that and I wish the people I hurt could see my sincerity to get better and let the past be the past but at the same time I also know it takes time to build trust also.
Enough of my babble ... I guess I know all that I can do is take things one day at a time, continue to reflect on myself and how I can be a better person each day and try and put that into action as I try and start over ... I just pray to God the urges of the last two nights get easier.
Thanks for listening and I look forward to reading your posts and being supportive to everyone here in any way I can.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome Ghosts 31 - you'll find a lot of support here 
It is hard to 'hurry up and wait'...I needed a lot of faith to trust that things would work themselves out, so long as I kept up my end of the bargain and stayed sober and worked on myself.
Things did work themselves out - not always in the way I expected, but always for the best
D
It is hard to 'hurry up and wait'...I needed a lot of faith to trust that things would work themselves out, so long as I kept up my end of the bargain and stayed sober and worked on myself.
Things did work themselves out - not always in the way I expected, but always for the best
D
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR!
For me, I couldn't just "quit drinking"; there was much more to it than that. I can always stop; it's staying stopped that's the problem. I had long-term sobriety, which I achieved through alcoholism treatment and then regular attendance at AA meetings. I found out that just quitting drinking was only the beginning--I had to make some other serious changes in my life, like the way I dealt with things, my attitude, etc. Eventually I was actually pretty happy and had no desire to drink anymore for many years. I lost that sobriety when I stopped doing the things that had helped me maintain it.
People have different methods to help them stay quit, and I'd guess that most of them have to have something to help them beyond just stopping and doing nothing else. Keep reading, posting and asking questions and you will find your answers.
For me, I couldn't just "quit drinking"; there was much more to it than that. I can always stop; it's staying stopped that's the problem. I had long-term sobriety, which I achieved through alcoholism treatment and then regular attendance at AA meetings. I found out that just quitting drinking was only the beginning--I had to make some other serious changes in my life, like the way I dealt with things, my attitude, etc. Eventually I was actually pretty happy and had no desire to drink anymore for many years. I lost that sobriety when I stopped doing the things that had helped me maintain it.
People have different methods to help them stay quit, and I'd guess that most of them have to have something to help them beyond just stopping and doing nothing else. Keep reading, posting and asking questions and you will find your answers.
Ghosts31
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Chicago, illinois
Posts: 40
Thank you all! ... I know it's not going to be easy.
The first three weeks I've kind of isolated myself away from my normal scene (actually went home 90 miles away for two weeks in sick leave) and have stayed away from all my favorite haunts and drinking buddies.
I don't have a definitive plan yet but I've definitely had a lot of time for self reflection and know I cannot go back to the place I was at binging two or three nights per week. I know that will likely kill me.
And I can honestly say it feels good to wake up in the morning sober.
It's definitely lot easier to get out of bed and face the day.
I will admit I have another vacation this week and no plans for it, which scares the hell out of me.
The first three weeks I've kind of isolated myself away from my normal scene (actually went home 90 miles away for two weeks in sick leave) and have stayed away from all my favorite haunts and drinking buddies.
I don't have a definitive plan yet but I've definitely had a lot of time for self reflection and know I cannot go back to the place I was at binging two or three nights per week. I know that will likely kill me.
And I can honestly say it feels good to wake up in the morning sober.
It's definitely lot easier to get out of bed and face the day.
I will admit I have another vacation this week and no plans for it, which scares the hell out of me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Ghosts31
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Chicago, illinois
Posts: 40
Good idea, Dee and thanks for the links 😀 ... I hope to work on that this week. Not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of support groups or AA living in s small town where everyone knows everyone ... But I do find running, journaling, texting or talking with several close friends during down times and reading (including SR) to be very therapeutic...I am supposed to start counseling for the depression this month.
Ghosts31
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Chicago, illinois
Posts: 40
Sitting around campfire by myself with my (ex?) GFs dog and a glass of simply lemonade on a serene night feeling at peace ... Tonight has been easier than I thought it would be! 😀
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Ghosts whether you go to AA or use SR or whatever doesn't matter as long as in a committed way you use something every day. Which is it to be? When? How? Your plan needs to encompass all the times you might be tempted to drink with actions on what you will do.
My witching hour was 6pm so that's when -- even two years later -- I pour a soft drink that I like. I took up handwork to keep my hands busy, I lived on SR in the first few months and I still come every day.
Don't let AV determine what happens, AV will turn up -- loud and often -- be prepared to fight it.
Go well Ghosts.
My witching hour was 6pm so that's when -- even two years later -- I pour a soft drink that I like. I took up handwork to keep my hands busy, I lived on SR in the first few months and I still come every day.
Don't let AV determine what happens, AV will turn up -- loud and often -- be prepared to fight it.
Go well Ghosts.
Ghosts31
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Chicago, illinois
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Marcher13 
Ghosts whether you go to AA or use SR or whatever doesn't matter as long as in a committed way you use something every day. Which is it to be? When? How? Your plan needs to encompass all the times you might be tempted to drink with actions on what you will do.
My witching hour was 6pm so that's when -- even two years later -- I pour a soft drink that I like. I took up handwork to keep my hands busy, I lived on SR in the first few months and I still come every day.
Don't let AV determine what happens, AV will turn up -- loud and often -- be prepared to fight it.... I know Friday and Saturday nights are
Go well Ghosts.
My witching hour was 6pm so that's when -- even two years later -- I pour a soft drink that I like. I took up handwork to keep my hands busy, I lived on SR in the first few months and I still come every day.
Don't let AV determine what happens, AV will turn up -- loud and often -- be prepared to fight it.... I know Friday and Saturday nights are
Go well Ghosts.
Therefore I am spending more time at my camper on weekends (which I wasn't doing to go out drinking the last several years) . I also have neighbors here that are somewhat aware of what I'm going through that are being very supportive...as for the rest of a plan I will work more on it tommorow when I'm not tired but SR seems like a good place to start and a site I will be visiting daily.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome Ghosts nice to meet you http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
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