kckman

S&T, great work on getting day2, good morning to another day. stay with it what ever you have been doing has been working. With or without a higherpower you can abstain and get sober and get well. It is work at first. believe me the work you are doing is so worth it. The drinking cycle you have described does not sound to me like a bed of roses. Please keep us posted. Honestly life is so much better without all the problems that drinking causes. You can do this a day at a time.

Jhana

Hi S&T,

I am here with you (clawing myself, hour by hour through what I hope will be a day of sobriety). 15 hours since my last drink right now.

I would love to have that feeling of self-esteem tonight, having made it through the day without drinking. To say nothing of a good night's sleep and no anxiety attacks.

The world is so much better without booze...

Gianna

beantobes

i can't begin to tell you how much i relate to you, sickandtired. i too felt that AA was not helpful and while i also respect other people's beliefs, i just couldn't get into that whole higher power thing. also, how do you get a sponsor? do you just walk up to someone and ask them to be your sponsor? a lot of the times, i also felt as though it was one big competition as to who could talk the most about themselves before the time ran out. i felt really hurried when i talked. but, hey, maybe it was me perceiving it all the wrong way, having the wrong attitude. i don't know. all i know is that i am desperately looking for something other than AA right now. i too have kidded myself into thinkiing that i can drink like everybody else but i always seem to be the one who blacks out, can't remember what the h*ll i've said or done the night before and craves a morning drink more than flies crave big juicy cowpads! i hate it that i'm this way and like you can't get to grips with the "forever" part of not drinking. i cry and cry to my super supportive husband of twelve years telling him that the idea of never being able to have a drink again makes me not want to live sometimes. how pathetic is that? that a liquid substance can have such an inpact on my life? i'm rambling but you're right, it feels good to just get it out. i have no advice, i'm afraid. i feel pretty lost in all of this myself. i just know that i have to have to stop thinking i can drink like "normal" people and stop once and for all. thanks to everyone for listening to me and any advice is welcome.

Jhana

Hi Beantobes,

Having fought this for years, mostly sober, I can tell you it is a whole lot better without drinking, but it is difficult to get enough distance to realize that. It is 11:30 here-Wine time at my favorite bar! But I am not going to give in.

While I too, have problems with AA, I am holding out till 12:30 when I can go to the meeting around the corner-a safe place where I can listen to someone's story. Bottom line, when you are in a room at AA, you are not drinking.

11:30. Let's see. That is 17 hours now since my last drink.

gianna

sickk&tired

HI all...you are all truly amazing. This is the first time i've been able to log on (stupid work), and I have to say that this is a great place to come when you're having the urge to drink.

Anyway I haven't read all the posts yet, but I'm thanking you all in advance and want to update you on this weekend before I get too busy here at work:

After talking to my boyfriend about the concerns I have about being at a campsite surrounded by alcohol with the temptation (and the bottles) within armas length all night, the trip has been altered. (I know you are all right and that I should avoid that situation all together, but I also know that I really need to get out of town this weekend.) SO, what we are going to do is 8 of us are breaking off from the rest of the group and doing our own thing in another part of Laughlin. All the couples got indivifual hotel rooms, so that when dinner and hanging out with the group is over, i can retire to an alcohol free environment with my b/f. During the day activities will all be alcohol free =). My biggest concern was sleeping at a campsite overnight knowing that the liquor was near, and since that won't be the case anymore I think I'm safe. Any thoughts on this? Does this sound like a bad idea still?

OK, i'm going to read all the posts on this. I think you're all becoming my HP :tongue3: . Day 3 and counting......

sickk&tired

HI beantobes.

I feel exactly the same way you do, its incredible. AA was crap for me, and my interactions with my sponsor felt so fake and forced. I remember when she told me (2 days after meeting me), "I love you and want the best for you".....I rememeber thinking, how the f*** can you love me, you dont' even KNOW me. it just seemed so incincere. All I know is that I haven't had 3 days sober in a LONG, LONG time, and I am crediting entirely this site. It keeps me remembering that so many of us suffer the same way. It really does help knowing that we're not alone. I guess lets just stop thinking about the "forever" factor, and just decide not to drink.....today. I really think we can do this. I hope so at least, I dont' want to be miserable any more than you do anymore. This seems to be the only way; now we just have to stick to it. I'm rambling. =).

Sandy Marie

I agree with you Bean...but don't EVER let down your guard. The boogey man IS out there! {LOL} It's virtually impossible to break addictions alone. I couldn't have gone sober without SR either...but there's always room for more support..especially when the goin' gets rough. Glad ya'll are out there searching for the solutions. I'm with you too. Peace.
Sandy

Don S

Hi, s&t,

You are doing exactly the right thing: planning for the times when alcohol is likely to be available, and making some simple changes in your life to avoid that.

What most people do in early sobriety is find ways to avoid alcohol. Short of becoming hermits or moving to Utah, that means making plans for the times when alcohol is likely to be freely available. It means planning for what you're going to order at the restaurant, what you're going to say when a friend offers you a drink, and so on. That is how you get past the bumps in the first few days and weeks, and establish new habits to replace the unhealthy ones.

Don S

Sandy Marie

Don makes a very good point. Somedays, the planning goes better than others. A good offense is the best defense. You can do it!

sickk&tired

I know I can do it =). My current worry is who I'll emotionally tackle down while I'm doing it. I hate this emotional rollercoaster i'm on right now. I'm getting irritated with the STUPIDEST things, and I just cried for 1/2 hour for no real reason. AAAAAARRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG. I'm so beyond annoyed right now. But I'll just keep typing, because I guess annoyed is better than drunk. B/c tomorrow morning I would just wake up annoyed and hung over. And if history is any indication, quite possible naked on my floor. Sigh.

Oohhh, I have a question. What is anyone's thoughts on trying to sober up while in a new relationship with a non-alcoholic? At the AA meetings I went to (and HATED by the way. Most of the women in the meetings in this area are mostly made of silicone and thanks to botox, couldn't make sympathetic facial gestures if their life depended on it. Also, its really hard for me to take someone seriously if on their lap is a rat-sized puppy wearing a matching cashmere sweater as its owner. I digress.) I was told that it is not recommended to have a relationship in the first year of sobriety. I see the logic behind that reasoning, taking care of yourself before you involve anyone else, blah blah blah, but right now about the only thing I'm enjoying sober is sex, and I'm not about to give THAT up if I can help it =).