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Mother's Day

Old 05-07-2015, 09:02 AM
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Mother's Day

I am a bit early on this, but Mother's Day will be very hard for me. It is the third one since my mother died in 2012 where I don't get to buy a card for her or call her. We were very close for many years and these anniversaries tear me up.

Incidently, my grandmother died on the same day as my mom in 2012. Bad day.

Anyone else feel the same?? How do you handle it? This will also be my first year facing it soberly.
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Old 05-07-2015, 09:05 AM
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Sh*t! Ordering flowers now. God damn it. I can't believe it... people in chat even reminded me twice.

Sorry to hear for your loss ArtFriend (((hug))). Maybe buy a bouquet, and light some candles in front of it with good wishes to her in heaven?
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Old 05-07-2015, 09:16 AM
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I miss my mom, dearly. But I won't drink.

She was diagnosed with cancer in 2006. The family rallied around her when she went into hospice. During that period my drinking escalated and I relapsed on drugs--resorting to stealing her oxy. Despicable. She died in 2007.

It was four more years before I quit drinking. My mom never saw me sober. I'll honor her memory by staying sober, today and on Mother's Day. I hope you can too for your mother's memory.

And for those of you with a mom, pass on your love in words or a hug.
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Old 05-07-2015, 09:27 AM
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Artfriend, My mom also died in 2012 so this will be my 3rd Mother's Day without her. I miss her alot, I think I know how you feel. I remind myself that she's in no more pain. That helps me.
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Old 05-07-2015, 09:56 AM
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Hi Art. I haven't gone through that personally, but I have 2 young daughters that have. This will be their 2nd Mothers Day since their mom passed away right before Mothers Day in 2014. They rarely talk about it, but I can sense their pain.
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Old 05-07-2015, 10:45 AM
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I lost my mum to inoperable terminal cancer 5 years ago i was 27 she was diasgnosed in august & died at the end of November i lost my job the day after diagnosis because i was half hour late for work (me & my brother were up the whole night)

I was my mums carer and my brother worked

That was 5 years ago and last year around the same time we got news my gf godmother (close family friend) was diagnosed pretty much the same way

i knew in my heart what was happening and i could see the dates being close they ended up being 2.5 weeks apart and it was already hard with my mum so it felt like a double blow

I got through it Art and stayed sober as it was about remembering them and making them happy through my life i only have to look in the mirror and i can see my mum i have her laugh eye colour humor the lot

Its never easy in November for me as i personally grieve for 5 ppl in this month

I was sober by july 2013 i was 31 so i have remembered my mum sober twice this year will be my third

Its never easy Art esp when memories come out of the blue via a scent someone who looks similar a photograph a film etc

Art if you ever want to talk about this pm anytime you want
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Old 05-07-2015, 10:52 AM
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My mother also passed in 2012. We used to go out every year to lunch and shop. Despite the issues of the past, I still miss her.
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Old 05-07-2015, 10:55 AM
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I know that the people who died when I was drinking were never grieved properly by me, as I took the easy way out and drank through the feelings. Maybe you can just accept that you are going to be sad and you are going to think about them, so this is an opportunity for you to grieve as maybe you didn't do when they passed. You could buy them the cards you would have done if they were alive. Write some memories inside them, or some gratitudes for them. Light some candles and put flowers round the room and throw them a party. Go through old family photos if you have some. Eat their favourite foods. Watch their favourite films. Listen to their favourite music. Talk aloud to them. Cry. But try not to make it all about their deaths, and the end of your time together. Allow yourself to grieve with a celebration of their lives.

*Hugs*
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Old 05-07-2015, 10:59 AM
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My Mom also passed in 2012. Mother's Day is a sad occasion in our family now as we all miss her.
I like to go to the cemetery, bring flowers and cry.
The cemetery always makes me cry, in spite of my mood when I go there......
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Old 05-07-2015, 11:22 AM
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My mother passed away 6 years ago from breast cancer, and I was her caregiver for the last 9 months of her life, I was with her when she took her last breath. She was an alcoholic and during that whole time, she never drank a drop. It was precious time we spent together, time that I will never forget. I miss her everyday and mothers day has always been very hard for me. I've been feeling down in the dumps today, I guess this explains why.
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Old 05-07-2015, 11:35 AM
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I was my mom's care giver as well. She was living with me when she died. I am grateful that I was with her at that time, when she breathed her last breath, yet it was incredibly painful too. About 2 hours later I got the call about my grandmother passing. Ironically too, that date happened to be my dad's birthday as well as their wedding anniversary!

Thank you for the ideas and support. I guess many of us are facing the same thing.
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Old 05-07-2015, 11:47 AM
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((((((((((For everyone in this thread)))))))))
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:01 PM
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I lost my mother April 10th, 2010. I don't even remember how I handled it that first year because I drank through a lot of it. I know that I was numb, horrified, completely at a loss, stunned. Full of guilt.

I got sober in 2013 and began healing. Two years sober now and it doesn't hurt nearly as much these days. Time heals. And staying sober heals.

On Mother's Day, I think of her. Sometimes it's good memories, and sometimes it's bad ones. I try and just breathe through it all, and let it all be what it is.

What helps me most is remembering her telling me to "just dance" and live my life. To let go of anger. She wanted me to be happy. She was just very dysfunctional. Whole family is I know she'd want me to live the best life I can now, especially being sober. It would make her very happy to know I got sober finally.

I also try and wish other mothers and children happiness during this time. Internally too. I just try and stay hopeful for others. I had my time with my mother, and now she is gone. Now I am a dog mother. They love me, and I love them. My husband and I treat our dogs as if they are our children
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Old 05-07-2015, 03:13 PM
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Old 05-07-2015, 06:45 PM
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I lost my mom 28 years ago right after I had my first child. She was killed in a car accident. Mother's Day has always been really hard for me. My mom was a wonderful, kind, generous, wise woman. I think one of the hardest parts about losing her is that I never got to say goodbye. I miss her.
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