KeepTruckin

51 days without alcohol. This would probably be the second longest stretch I've spent without drinking in my adult life, and only second by a week or so. It's the scary part now, the part where the memories of the last ****** time are fading, the part where I notice any time I hear the word "moderation" and wonder if I'm ready for that, the part where I feel like I one day might be READY for anything besides sobriety, the part where I feel like I might have control.

And yet, I'm doing OK. I've been really appreciating the extra time I've had. Not sleeping in late on Saturday or Sunday, not waking up hungover, actually getting to enjoy my weekends. And my weekdays. And my work days. It's nice, it feels healthy and I don't feel like I'm missing out. I'm trying to remember that I like my friends without having to drink with them and that if I DO have to drink to like them, well, are they really my friends?

I've heard people talk about getting protective about their sobriety and that's kind of how I feel right now. I LIKE the way I've felt. I get a pang of regret here and there, the oh-woe-is-me feeling, the why-can't-I-just-drink-like-a-f'in-normal-person feeling, but they pass quickly enough. And I'm learning to bail on situations (or not get into them) where I feel my sobriety is threatened. I've been semi-hermiting, but I've also been making more active plans where drinking doesn't make sense, like outdoor stuff. Funny, to think i would ever say there is a scenario where alcohol doesn't make sense when it used to ALWAYS make sense!

So I'm happy, I feel good and healthy, but I'm still nervous, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, also I feel more ready than I have before, more like this time I can make it happen. Ugh, I just hate having such high expectations for myself and worrying what will happen if I let myself down again...

ScottFromWI

Congrats on 51 days! Perhaps rather than "waiting for the other shoe to drop"...you could be proactive so it doesn't? Read some old posts to get started...that should be a great reminder of what will happen if you think "moderation" is possible.

Like this one maybe? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-am-again.html

PurpleKnight

51 Days is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!!

KeepTruckin

Hey Scott, thanks for that It does help to read that. I always make my posts sound so depressing when the funny thing is I'm actually starting to be a lot happier than I've ever been! The thing that takes getting used to is re-working my weekend nights so I don't feel like I'm "missing out" on going out to bars and stuff. I don't even REALLY miss that stuff, I just get a little anxious and bored if I am just sitting around on a Friday or Saturday. I'm trying to remember to make plans, even if that plan is read the book I've been meaning to get to.

But I needed the reminder of how I felt when I started here back in March. I felt awful. And I feel so good now. I'm just worried that I'll get too comfortable. I guess I also get a little down sometimes when I visit this site since it confirms that I actually have a problem with drinking and I'm not just quitting for getting-healthy reasons, although that is a large part of it, I suppose.

Thanks for all the encouragement!

Soberwolf

Awesome job on 51 days sober KT

LiberatedStorm

Awesome!

You are an inspiration to me! Congrats!

Dee74

Congrats KOT

D

thomas11

Hi Keeptruckin, I remember when you first started posting and you were upset with yourself and wanted to stop. I believe there was a camping trip somewhere in there and you were worried about that. So impressed with the 51 days. Great job. Be proud of yourself.

least

Congrats on 51 days sober, and here's to many more to come!

KeepTruckin

Thanks all! And Thomas, yeah, the camping trip I ended up opting out of. Had enough reasons (besides this) with my family that my friends weren't too upset, or at least didn't tell me they were Making up for that by taking a camping trip with just my husband and I can't wait! I'm excited to go camping and not deal with a hangover and just enjoy the outdoors. With all my extra energy from not drinking on the weekends I've really been getting into hiking and other outdoorsy stuff. It's kind of exciting getting to know myself in this way. Really trying to focus on things I like to do since I can't just cover up everything with alcohol. It's a fun process, even if I go into a bit of an existential crisis here and there I suppose that is pretty natural!

Thanks again for all the encouragement! I haven't been on here as much as I should, but every time I do pop on it's very helpful. I really appreciate it! And I'll try to stop in more often

SoberLeigh

Congratulations, KeepTruckin; 51 days is fabulous.