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A big problem

Old 04-29-2015, 12:25 PM
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A big problem

Hi everyone. I'm just 10 days sober and here's something that's been happening that maybe someone can help me with as I feel I'm probably the worst person in the world to give out advice right now.

I have a job running a language school in Spain. Recently one of the guys left and I needed to get a replacement really fast. A guy from New York was doing a bit of part time stuff for us so I asked him if he would like to step up. I know he really needed work so I wasn't surprised when he accepted. I spent a lot of extra time with him getting him up to speed and he was doing great. So great that on Monday 20th I set the date to give up booze as everything was quiet at work and my music job was also coming along very well.

Anyway, on that very day, he failed to show up to work. I was worried about him (maybe he was really sick or worse!!) and his phone was off so I looked up his address on our records and drove over after work. Turns out that it was no ordinary house but a half-way place for people getting off the skids. As you can imagine, I'm totally not judgmental about anything like that but I was really surprised. I asked the director if he knew what had happened but he said this guy had just taken off. I tried to contact him by phone many times and email but nothing. Then one of my colleagues saw him 2 days later really off his face in the street. I finally caught up with him yesterday. He's really disorientated and living rough. I phoned the half-way house but they say he's lost his place there now. I'm meeting him for coffee on Tuesday and I want to help him but there aren't too many agencies here in Spain that will pick someone up like that and he just burned his bridges at the only one I can think of. He just got paid for two weeks work so I told him to use the money to get off the street and try to get clean. I feel, the way he is now, his life could be at stake. I really want to help but then I end up getting over-involved and I've got no idea what to advise. I have to think about myself right now but I also don't feel that I can just turn my back on this guy. I've been in some rough spots myself and I know what it means... Please, any advice would be welcome...
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Old 04-29-2015, 12:39 PM
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My advice is look after your sobriety first and unfortunately if your friend isnt seeking help then theres not much you or anyone can do

has to be your friend
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Old 04-29-2015, 12:56 PM
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I think your focus needs to be on yourself right now and that's where your energies should go. If this man seeks you out and asks for support, then I'm sure you would help him at that time, but right now he likely isn't interested. I'm sorry for this situation and I send prayers for this man to find his way.
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Old 04-29-2015, 01:19 PM
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"I set the date to give up booze as everything was quiet at work and my music job was also coming along very well. "

Work stress seems to be a significant trigger for you and loss of him is going to cause you some so I sure wouldn't add to it by trying to help him. I know that sounds harsh but your own sobriety has to be a priority. Besides, you can't help another if you're not in shape yourself.

I'll share this with you. When Hubby was in the hospital and I was told he might not make it, that was a bunch of stress. I did not know what the future held at that time. I was sitting outside and was joined by a gal who had brought another person to the ER who was not expected to make it due to the physical consequences of alcoholism. They were both residents at a half-way house. Over the hours that followed, until sunup, we did a lot of talking. I shared my story with her as well as what strength and hope I had at the time. She asked me to sponsor her and we exchanged phone numbers. Later, my Hubby's medical situation demanded transfer to another hospital 150 miles away and what turned out to be months there. She called and I had to decline saying I didn't know what the future held and was spread too thin. Days later a member of her family called pleading with me to sponsor her and saying she had not made it with multiple sponsors and they had never seen her so affected by what anyone had to say as what I did. I could have let that get to my ego but, no, I had too much on my plate. God directed my words at the hospital and He would take care of her. It did get to my heart though and I've thought of her often. I'm sure she's doing well because what she heard from me that appealed to her was my following and depending on God's will. I have no doubt she looked for someone compatible with that.

This is where I have so much trouble helping others. I don't know what program you're in. I don't know if its a spiritual one. They only way I can advise, from my own ES&H is spiritual. But, not matter which one you're in, as others and I've said, your own sobriety MUST come first. Can you turn this over to your HP? That's what's required other than, maybe, talking to him and directing him to any available resources such as Salvation Army we have here.

Hope that helps a little and good luck to you.
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Old 04-29-2015, 01:26 PM
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you might tell him if you ever need help I'm here for you then cut him loose its best you take care of yourself right now
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:43 PM
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Thanks to all of you for your wise words. The more i think about it the more I feel that the right thing to do is to as you say and put myself first. I am deeply saddened by this but must conserve the energy I have for my own struggles...
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