Realisation that relapse is lurking...

Old 04-28-2015, 12:43 AM
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Realisation that relapse is lurking...

I have seen a lot of posts where people talk about the relapse happening mentally a good while before the person actually picks up another drink.

This morning, I realised that could be me if I am not careful. For the last month of my six months' sobriety, it has been much harder.

It is not an instant craving that I have to address, but more of a long slow spiral into oblivion. Thoughts of drinking invade my mind much more frequently. My thoughts are also full of other ways of acting out, of escape, mad schemes of running away from my life generally, and this morning it became clear that this will be the prelude to letting alcohol back to my life if I don't get my act together.

It's not like there's any major new trigger. Nothing that wasn't in my life before. In fact, my life is so much better than it was when I was drinking. Part of me, the addict, doesn't seem to care, is sick of being tethered to this earth.

Wow! What a melodramatic misery guts I am! I guess I have a long way to go, and I hope that by acknowledging this build up, I can start to do something to seriously address it, as these dangerous thoughts don't seem that keen to leave otherwise.
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Old 04-28-2015, 12:56 AM
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Have you looked at this link at all Sober Freckles?

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Old 04-28-2015, 01:21 AM
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Hi SF ,
Your self awareness is cool

Hmm now what to do about it ? hungry , angry , lonely , tired ?

What are you desiring that you are not getting ? which for me caused frustration and dragged me backwards …

More work to do on your recovery /sobriety by the sounds of it , dealing with whatever it is .

good luck , m
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Old 04-28-2015, 02:26 AM
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Congrats on 6 months reaching out when this happens is ultra vital imo you have SR at your disposal 24/7

The link D inc in his post is exellent
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberFreckles View Post
My thoughts are also full of other ways of acting out, of escape, mad schemes of running away from my life generally, and this morning it became clear that this will be the prelude to letting alcohol back to my life if I don't get my act together.
Perhaps there are things you can do that will accomplish the same thing--acting out, escaping your life--that aren't so self destructive as drinking.

Get involved with something where your initial response to such a suggestion might be "no," such as volunteering. A good way to get out of our heads is to give our time to someone, something else. I prefer animal causes, and I've done work as a hospice volunteer. You'd be surprised how just a little effort on our part reaps huge rewards, and the joy when someone says, "Thank you."
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:56 AM
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I found direction and healing by working the steps of AA. Abstinence is a great start but at some point we have to deal with the demons. The are many paths but I found until I put the demons to bed staying sober was a chore not a blessing
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:46 AM
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Awesome job on 6 months!

I hear ya, freckles! I have days where I find myself almost planning to relapse. For me it's always on some future date, though, not like (voice of Violet Beauregaard) "I want a drink NOW!" I was a binger, so in order for me to relapse there would have to be some planning and preparation (time off work, etc). Not just a "screw it" moment.

Just reading here has helped me get out of that mindset on a couple of occasions. See, to my addicted mind, the rationale for drinking again is that I've already proven I can quit; therefore, I can have a nice go at the bottle then just quit again. No problem. But a recurring theme that I've read here at SR is people with significant sobriety having that "one more time", then struggling to get back to their recovery.

For me, keeping the ball rolling is much easier than getting the resting ball rolling again, if that makes any sense. Exercising every day is not difficult because it's part of a routine, habit. If I were to take a week or two off from that routine it might take me months or even years to get back into it (this I know from experience).

Kinda makes me think of shopping at one of those places like Costco or BJ's. I just want one can of corn, but I can't buy just one, I have to buy the entire case or go without. Similarly, if I were to drink I think I'd be on the hook for the whole case, not just the one. Weird analogy...anyway, stay strong!
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:50 AM
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Honesty and self-awareness are important first steps. One thing I have found effective when this happens is to go back to basics and make it black and white. You have started to veer off the sobriety path and are headed to drinking. Do you choose that path or do you course correct and recommit to sobriety.

Without being alarmist, treat this as an emergency. Review your plan. If you've left off sobriety practices, start them again. If you've stuck to your plan, it may be stagnant and you may have grown past it. If so, change it up. Try new tools, programs or support systems.

Congratulations on how far you've come. Best wishes for continued success.
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Old 04-28-2015, 11:30 AM
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I can't really add to what everyone else has said. Your self awareness right now is your best weapon because if left unaddressed this will fester. At least for me it did. I went through this and my first serious go 'round in sobriety, I did relapse. This second time around, I saw it coming and buckled down, redoubling my efforts. Everyone above has really good suggestions. Six months is great! Keep going. Don't drink.
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