Blogs


Notices

I'd like some advice...

Old 04-23-2015, 05:04 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
RunnerBean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
I'd like some advice...

Hi All,

I don't really like starting my own threads but I've been a bit worried about the future lately.

I am going to be 3 months sober on Monday and life is ticking over relatively smoothly. It's also my longest of period of sobriety since I was 14 (I'm now 26).

I am currently in the process of applying to university, and if I'm accepted, I will be beginning an undergraduate degree in September. I currently live in a small town, and most of my friends (all but 1, who is a drinker) have moved on to pastures anew, whereas I'm still here.

I have applied to a study in a big city and I'm starting to fear the constant temptation to drink. Moreover, it's not just the city I'm worried about, but entering the whole 'student' lifestyle. I view the opportunity I have to move away and start studying towards my dream profession as a golden one, but it's beginning to be clouded by fear.

I'd appreciate any advice

Thanks

RunnerBean
RunnerBean is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to RunnerBean For This Useful Post:
bigsombrero (04-23-2015), Kris47 (04-23-2015), SereneEdition (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:13 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I used to live with one foot in yesterday, one foot in tomorrow, and pee all over today.
I found that keeping one foot in her and the other in now and my pants up I don't pee on today.

I think it's a good thing to be concerned about the situation and I think one thing to remember is that there is only one way you will get drunk and that's by you allowing it to happen.

Yesterday's history
Tomorrow's a mystery
Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
bigsombrero (04-23-2015), hopeful4 (04-23-2015), JT0626 (04-23-2015), Kris47 (04-23-2015), RunnerBean (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:15 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,648
Blog Entries: 20
Originally Posted by RunnerBean View Post
I currently live in a small town, and most of my friends (all but 1, who is a drinker) have moved on to pastures anew, whereas I'm still here.

I have applied to a study in a big city and I'm starting to fear the constant temptation to drink.
The logical flaw in your AV's argument is that you managed to develop a drinking problem without ever leaving your small town. The small town environment provided you no protection from that. Likewise, there's nothing about a big city that can make you drink. Our drinking problems reside in our heads, not our context.

Best of Luck with Your Applications!
Nonsensical is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Nonsensical For This Useful Post:
ArtFriend (04-23-2015), doggonecarl (04-23-2015), FreeOwl (04-23-2015), hopeful4 (04-23-2015), JT0626 (04-23-2015), Kris47 (04-23-2015), mecanix (04-23-2015), RunnerBean (04-23-2015), SereneEdition (04-23-2015), TennantSmith (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:17 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9,359
Hi RunnerBean;
I think the student lifestyle is just what you make it.
There are many activity and interest clubs in a university setting which don't focus on alcohol--where I work we have martial arts, dance, climbing, music, camping, running, fencing, and so on.
There are also many things like reading groups, literary magazines you can help edit, etc. so it isn't all about exercise.
One way to integrate quickly is to join your departmental student organization if they have one.
You meet people and plan activities in your area of interest.
I also suggest forming study groups that meet in the library or for coffee with the more serious students--particularly the international ones
as often they are new to the area and really could use a support group and a "local" to ask for advice / information about culture and local things to do and see.

In the city, again you have options like yoga studios, poetry readings, chess clubs, and any number of great places to explore like museums, theater, and great little places to eat, drink coffee, and hang out.

Don't hang around with drinkers in clubs, and avoid drunken house parties, and you'll find much to enrich your life.

No fear--embrace your sober student self
Hawkeye13 is online now  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Hawkeye13 For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (04-23-2015), hopeful4 (04-23-2015), Kris47 (04-23-2015), matilda123 (04-23-2015), RunnerBean (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:23 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,444
I'm not sure about advice, but what came up for me was this;

what a wonderful opportunity!!

Heading off to a new place, a new endeavor, a new pursuit.... a new surrounding where nobody knows you??

When nobody knows you, there are no expectations. There will be people and things to do and focus on other than drinking. You could choose to enter this totally new surrounding and experience as a sober human being and pursue everything about that new surrounding and experience that supports your sober life!!

Fear is natural - perhaps you can acknowledge the fear within you, sit with it, become comfortable with it, assure yourself that fear is OK. That's Human.

And then ask yourself - 'what might I let this fear open for me?'.

Maybe the fear can point you to a plan.... is it fear of alcohol? Of loneliness? Of reverting to old ways as a crutch for acceptance? Is it fear of not fitting in? Fear of failure? What drives this fear.....? Give it a voice and give it space and understand it. Not to fixate on it or make it worse, but to hear what it is telling you.

Somewhere within you is the protector of your sobriety and your soul's true voice. Together with your higher power - you may be able to allow fear to be a source of wisdom.

Congratulations on your sobriety and on this step toward your dreams.

FreeOwl is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
mecanix (04-23-2015), RunnerBean (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:37 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,183
I agree with freeowl: what a terrific opportunity to start anew in a place that isn't framed, for you, by alcohol.
You'll probAbly find that there are plenty of people on your campus who do not drink. Different colleges tend to have different atmospheres in that regard (the small college where I teach is pretty academically oriented and not much of a party school). However, even at schools with party reputations there are plenty of folks who don't drink. It is about connecting with like-minded folks.
I'm so excited for you! What do you plan to study?
matilda123 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to matilda123 For This Useful Post:
ArtFriend (04-23-2015), mecanix (04-23-2015), RunnerBean (04-23-2015), SereneEdition (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:46 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
RunnerBean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
Thanks to everyone that has replied so quickly and so thoughtfully!

I have been worrying about this for weeks on end now, but already within a couple of minutes of reading your posts, I feel better. Thank you!

@Matilda123, I'll be training to be a teacher, thanks for asking
RunnerBean is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to RunnerBean For This Useful Post:
FreeOwl (04-23-2015), Kris47 (04-23-2015), matilda123 (04-23-2015), mecanix (04-23-2015), SereneEdition (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:58 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,444
Originally Posted by RunnerBean View Post
Thanks to everyone that has replied so quickly and so thoughtfully!

I have been worrying about this for weeks on end now, but already within a couple of minutes of reading your posts, I feel better. Thank you!

@Matilda123, I'll be training to be a teacher, thanks for asking
awesome...

a sober teacher....

that is a magnificent role and a gift to the future of this world.

go get 'em.

FreeOwl is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
JT0626 (04-23-2015), matilda123 (04-23-2015), mecanix (04-23-2015), Nonsensical (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 06:10 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Blog Entries: 3
This is fantastic. I left school at 16 and went to university at 19 and going to university was an amazing experience for me, and I was sober!

So there are a few things that worked for me. First of all, I told people I didn't drink alcohol, which meant that when I went to the student bar, there was always a coke waiting for me. Secondly, I joined a lot of groups. I went to gigs, language groups etc and ended up creating my own group. I created flyers for a sober hangout and after a few weeks, sober students started turning up and we went to gigs, talks, amazing concerts or just sat around in the bar drinking soft drinks!

This is an amazing opportunity for you and the best advice I have for you with regards to university is: Do not be ashamed.

My first year was spent ashamed that I was dating a woman, and it was a waste of time. University is an amazing experience and there is no reason to care what close minded people think of you. Do your own thing and I guarantee you will carve out your own amazing life.
JaneLane is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JaneLane For This Useful Post:
RunnerBean (04-23-2015), SereneEdition (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 06:19 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,436
I know tons of people who thought they would get sober if they changed geography, jobs, wives.... Guess what? If you are and alcoholic in Australia you will be an alcoholic in America.

Your situation is just the opposite. If you are sober in a small town you will be sober in the big cities. Larger areas have great AA groups for young people and many universities have recovery groups. Do some homework before you go and get a support network established.
MIRecovery is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MIRecovery For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (04-23-2015), FreeOwl (04-23-2015), IOAA2 (04-23-2015), JT0626 (04-23-2015), RunnerBean (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 06:28 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,575
Blog Entries: 22
You are three months sober. In Sept. you will have nine months and will be more secure in your sobriety. So just focus on staying sober and getting accepted into uni.

Good luck.
doggonecarl is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
RunnerBean (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 06:32 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,183
Originally Posted by RunnerBean View Post
Thanks to everyone that has replied so quickly and so thoughtfully!

I have been worrying about this for weeks on end now, but already within a couple of minutes of reading your posts, I feel better. Thank you!

@Matilda123, I'll be training to be a teacher, thanks for asking
How wonderful!! I absolutely LOVE being a teacher, and I hope that you do too.

Take good care of yourself now, and when you are in school: keep into place and also create new routines and habits that support your sobriety. I have found for me that has been key to maintaining my sobriety.

I'm very excited for you!
matilda123 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to matilda123 For This Useful Post:
JT0626 (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 06:52 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
SereneEdition's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,264
Hi RB -

I started school at 8 months sober. I felt ready for it.

Making the change actually helped solidify my sobriety with a fresh start. I met a bunch of folks with similar interests who ONLY know me as a non-drinker. It put that much more distance between myself and alcohol.

I chose to live by myself (rather than live in the dorms or with roommates) so that I could have an alcohol free home.

Let us know what you decide to do.
SereneEdition is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to SereneEdition For This Useful Post:
MIRecovery (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 07:42 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,436
Originally Posted by SereneEdition View Post
Hi RB -

I started school at 8 months sober. I felt ready for it.

Making the change actually helped solidify my sobriety with a fresh start. I met a bunch of folks with similar interests who ONLY know me as a non-drinker. It put that much more distance between myself and alcohol.

I chose to live by myself (rather than live in the dorms or with roommates) so that I could have an alcohol free home.

Let us know what you decide to do.
I Agee living in dorm Is not recommended and an alcohol free home is the way to go. When people know you don't drink the partiers will drop you like a hot potato. The non partiers won't care and you can develop sober relationships
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 04-23-2015, 07:50 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kris47's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,779
Your life is waiting. Don't focus on your weakness but on your strengths. Do focus on living a healthier lifestyle and meeting like minded people.

If you feel the desire or need, there is always AA on campus or in the community.

It is not where you live, it is where you're at.

Follow a plan for your life but don't get too caught up in it.

Best wishes!
Kris47 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Kris47 For This Useful Post:
MIRecovery (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 09:32 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
RunnerBean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
I Agee living in dorm Is not recommended and an alcohol free home is the way to go. When people know you don't drink the partiers will drop you like a hot potato.

This is what I'm worried about too. My student loan will only cover student hall accommodation, so I haven't got the option to live in a separate house. This is making me extra nervous because I'll already be, on average, 8 years older than the majority of the students, and by not drinking, I fear I'll become the 'old, boring guy' (I've never been known as boring or old before!)

On the upside, I will be able to move into my own accommodation in the second year.

Thanks again for sharing your views and advice.
RunnerBean is offline  
Old 04-23-2015, 12:00 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,436
Originally Posted by RunnerBean View Post
I Agee living in dorm Is not recommended and an alcohol free home is the way to go. When people know you don't drink the partiers will drop you like a hot potato.

This is what I'm worried about too. My student loan will only cover student hall accommodation, so I haven't got the option to live in a separate house. This is making me extra nervous because I'll already be, on average, 8 years older than the majority of the students, and by not drinking, I fear I'll become the 'old, boring guy' (I've never been known as boring or old before!)

On the upside, I will be able to move into my own accommodation in the second year.

Thanks again for sharing your views and advice.
Most schools have non drinking dorms for the serious students. About the boring part. I have had more fun doing fun things with sober people than I ever had being a drunk.

Almost ever alcoholic I ever have met myself included thought that the world would end when I stopped drinking. This is a lie that alcohol tells us. There are a lot of people who either do not drink or drink in moderation. We have surrounded ourselves with people that drank like us for so long that we think the whole world is like that. Trust me that is simply not the case. To super charge your support network get involved with the young people recovery groups at school. I am an old Fart but I know a bunch of AAers that are in their early to mid-twenties and they do all sorts of fun things together. Camping, parties, dances, golf, bonfires.

You can do this!
MIRecovery is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to MIRecovery For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 12:06 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,444
exactly! call the school... there should be non-drinking halls available for sure.

and what a great place that would be to meet and network with serious students who don't center their lives around alcohol!
FreeOwl is offline  
Old 04-23-2015, 12:26 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,873
Blog Entries: 2
I think it's a great opportunity for a fresh start.

Teacher training tends to attract a good % of mature students who are balancing family life and studying so they're always a good bunch to get in with - esp as they often get their assignments started early and can lend you the books you need after they've finished with them, and can remind you of important dates and deadlines

Cities are very recovery friendly I think. Loads of non-alcohol activities, clubs and societies to go to and meet like-minded people. Also, there will be loads of AA meetings to go to and meet people as well (might even be Young People specific ones).

I reckon you'll be fine.
Berrybean is offline  
Old 04-23-2015, 01:27 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
GirlGoneBad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
I used to live with one foot in yesterday, one foot in tomorrow, and pee all over today. I found that keeping one foot in her and the other in now and my pants up I don't pee on today. I think it's a good thing to be concerned about the situation and I think one thing to remember is that there is only one way you will get drunk and that's by you allowing it to happen. Yesterday's history Tomorrow's a mystery Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.
I LOVE this. Well said!
GirlGoneBad is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:16 AM.