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Old 12-11-2015, 11:36 AM   #21 (permalink)
I'm clearly my own worst enemy
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 1
You took the words from my mouth

Quote:
Originally Posted by sortthingsout View Post
I desperately need to sort my life out before I lose everything. Coke ruins the person I am and I hate who I've become. I denied I was an addict as I only used once or twice a week but I can't go out without it and I can't stop when I am out. I run away from who I am and it's a way forget all my problems and stress - something which means I've now spiralled down into the hole I am now in. My nose is a mess, I've wasted so much money, I've missed days at work in the job i killed myself to get and I'm losing my friends. Most of all I'm desperately unhappy - I was anyway but being an addict has only increased my self loathing. I try to go out without i can't seem to have the willpower and I used to be so strong. It's all I can think about. I want to change and I don't want to be like this. I used to be so healthy, driven and hardworking - a person I was proud to be- and now it feels like I'll never get back there.
I just signed up for this site because I'm in the exact same situation. I've lost myself over the course of 10 years and my life has secretly become a daily mental struggle for survival. I literally think about ending my life every day. Like you, I used to offer so much more, and somehow I let it all slip away. I've become so depressed when I should be happy with my life. The continued drug use over many years has taken control of my thoughts and positive outlook in life. I carry so much guilt that it feels like the weight of the world. I spend majority of my daytime contemplating my dilemma, I'm a slave to my thoughts and habits and regrets. I never thought I would be here. I've really let myself down. Sorry my response hasn't offered you anything. I just could relate when reading your post. This is my first comment on this site. I hope you have found peace, if you have I would love to hear more of your story. Thanks and God bless.
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Old 12-11-2015, 11:44 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Shamefulforlife, Welcome to the site.

This thread is eight months old and the original poster hasn't been here since April.

There is a lot of support here for you - maybe you could post your story in a new thread in the Newcomers section?

There is a way out. Keep reading on this site and keep talking to us, we care and hope you start your recovery today.
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