Originally Posted by
sortthingsout 
I desperately need to sort my life out before I lose everything. Coke ruins the person I am and I hate who I've become. I denied I was an addict as I only used once or twice a week but I can't go out without it and I can't stop when I am out. I run away from who I am and it's a way forget all my problems and stress - something which means I've now spiralled down into the hole I am now in. My nose is a mess, I've wasted so much money, I've missed days at work in the job i killed myself to get and I'm losing my friends. Most of all I'm desperately unhappy - I was anyway but being an addict has only increased my self loathing. I try to go out without i can't seem to have the willpower and I used to be so strong. It's all I can think about. I want to change and I don't want to be like this. I used to be so healthy, driven and hardworking - a person I was proud to be- and now it feels like I'll never get back there.
I just signed up for this site because I'm in the exact same situation. I've lost myself over the course of 10 years and my life has secretly become a daily mental struggle for survival. I literally think about ending my life every day. Like you, I used to offer so much more, and somehow I let it all slip away. I've become so depressed when I should be happy with my life. The continued drug use over many years has taken control of my thoughts and positive outlook in life. I carry so much guilt that it feels like the weight of the world. I spend majority of my daytime contemplating my dilemma, I'm a slave to my thoughts and habits and regrets. I never thought I would be here. I've really let myself down. Sorry my response hasn't offered you anything. I just could relate when reading your post. This is my first comment on this site. I hope you have found peace, if you have I would love to hear more of your story. Thanks and God bless.