LBrain

I always had so much anxiety and tried to avoid facing many things. I discovered the relief after finally facing something is tremendous. And that all of my anxiety was self-induced most of the time.

Glad you are of the chicken pox. Take care of yourself and eat right.

MidnightBlue

Hi, friends)

My ex "donated" me some money so today I fixed my bleeding gum. Hope it will last till I gather money to take care of all the dental issues i have.

Tomorrow is a "big" day of scheduling the meeting with the creditor.


And, maybe, I will re-start working out tomorrow - something very light and easy, depending on how I feel. I know I should take it very easy, but I am missing workouts so much.

Whatever is going on in life - a good workout never hurts).

My best to all.

And thank you for support!

firstymer

One step at a time. One day at a time.

We are right there with you MidnightBlue.

PurpleKnight

Great to hear from you MB!!

ardy

Midnight your in England?? ah Wisconsin is so far away.. one step at a time.. you can do this I know it. prayers my Dear Friend a billion billion prayers and stop go to your local church sit in hale and cry .. find you center and slowly circle to find the right paths for helping this get better. oh my Darling I wish some of us were closer to you.. my Daughter is there in London City.. sometimes I hav such fears for her and all the flying she has to do. and then I just inhale slowly exhale and give it to God for in his hands this get better. and i know for I have fought the fires of Hell this last month.. so many prayers and so much love kiddoo.. look me up on face book Ardith Richter Milwaukee WI.. and walk thro my photos. love an old silly clown.. ardy...

MidnightBlue

Thank you, friends) A lot.

Ardy - You are awesome, lady)

Soberwolf

Good luck MB

MidnightBlue

Morning, all.

I have to make that call to the creditor and absolutely freaking out. Just can't get myself together.

I understand all that it's not the end of the world, but still when I face the fact that I have to do it right NOW it seems surreal and scary.

Ok. I am breeeeaaathing....

Verte

Morning Midnight. My last cup of coffee yesterday is still keeping me awake!

One suggestion is to get a notebook and pen and write out a script of what you would like to ask. Then as you are in conversation try to repeat what is said and make a note of any numbers, figures, names, extension numbers. This helps me to focus and slow down. Remember that troubleshooting is part of the creditor's job and s/he is probably really good at it.

Keep breathing, Midnight. You have got this. Independent, strong, capable, willing to work with others to problem solve. Let us know how it goes!

ETA: I just realized how much suggesting a pen & paper dates me. Who uses a pen & paper for notes any longer? It is just that the act of writing itself slows my brain down.

MidnightBlue

Thanks a lot, Verte!

And I absolutely use pen&paper to make notes - they are all over my place) It's like when I write it down with pen, my notes are more "alive" then using keyboard or smartphone. I tried probably a dozen of different time organizers and note trackers, and none of them gave such a boost to new ideas as and old good pen and paper.

wpainterw

Midnightblue: Aside from what I think should be your first priority (not drinking) it seems like your next priority should be cleaning up the financial situation. I have not been through all the many posts on this thread so this may duplicate what has already been suggested. What I would do if I were in your shoes is consult a lawyer who agrees to take the case pro bono, that is as a public service, free of charge to you. Also there may be a local government sponsored legal clinic in your area. I expect that the lawyer would consider bankruptcy. Just considering bankruptcy might very well encourage your creditors to settle on favorable terms and accept a program whereby you might be able to pay off the settlement over a period of months or longer. If so then stay cool, don't drink and work on getting some kind of job going so you don't go deeper in debt and can gradually pay off existing loans. Good luck. And keep posting on this site!

W.

MidnightBlue

Hi, friends.

Wpainterw - Thank you a lot for your advice and information. I am gathering info now about my options here (I am not in US or UK).

But reading all the advice here gives me hope that even if a situation seems disastrous, there is always a way out.

For now I made a huge step for me.

I called to one of my creditors - the one I've been most concerned about - and arranged face-to-face meeting, and already had that meeting.

Why this creditor is my top priority is because he's not a bank, but a private person. An acquaintance of my friend - long story. He borrowed me money when I needed to resolve my real estate issues. And he did it just on my friend's and my word. He knows me a little bit, and he saw me as a person he can trust. And now I failed this trust. And what is more that was his "business money" . Well, it was just my worst nightmare to meet him face to face and say that I can't pay it off on time. I felt so ashamed. That I so let him down.

He surely wasn't excited about this, but wasn't mad either. He gave me more time, and asked to keep him in the know how my job situation going etc.

Well, it was a huge relief that I finally gathered myself up and to be honest about that.

Banks are next.

But for today I think I'm done. It took so much energy to make this step. I feel absolutely emotionally exhausted.

Tomorrow will be new day. New issues to confront, but that will be tomorrow.

Going to make myself a cup of tea.

Thank you, friends, A LOOOOOOOT for support.

Love you all.

Ruby2

Hi MB. I'm just now reading this thread and I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm having credit card payment issues as well and was laying awake losing sleep over it but I'm glad for your post because it was a kick in the pants. Put my issues in perspective. It's not so bad for me.

You've done admirable work in meeting with the acquaintance. That's tough. Do you think he might have leads on employment? He knows you're straight up. Maybe he knows of something. It never hurts to ask.

I'm sending you good vibes.

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Ruby.


Glad that my thread helped you to get some "kick in the pants" - good one in right time never hurts)

I've actually asked my acquaintance about some employment opportunities - but nothing available at the moment.

Well, life is tough but I am tougher. I hope)

Dee74

I know you're tougher MB

D

Dee74

I know you're tougher MB

D

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Dee)

Hi, friends.

I am trying to take a "day off" from worries today. No communication with creditors. Gathering info about my options and applying for jobs.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

See you .

IWLSAST

((((MB)))), just saw and read this thread. I am glad that you will be taking a day off. Yes, you are tough and you will get through this!!

My very best positive/good intention vibes are on the way!!!

My Best moving forward. You are so special and such a good friend to many on here. We are all pulling for you!

Carlos

MidnightBlue

Carlos, my dear friend, thank you so much for stopping by, for support, and for good vibes!

MidnightBlue

Hi, friends)

Sunday evening and another week to face.

My emotions now like a roller coaster. Yesterday went to see the boxing competition at our gym, where my trainers and boxing buddies were so glad to see me that have me real hugs when I showed after being absent for 3 weeks due to my illness. And I felt so upbeat. Like a breath of fresh air and regaining myself again.

And I was actually looking forward to the Debtors Anonymous meeting, it seemed like I made some break through with working out my version of higher power as an atheist. But after the meeting I got so depressed.

I don't know. On one hand, there is a hope that other people who used to be in the same desperate financial situation as myself, found a way to ease the burden. But, on the other hand....it's like everyone talks about how to deal with banks, and collectors, and how they see miracles everywhere (lots of which, in my opinion, just a shift in attitude). And about ego vs. high power, etc. And no one actually tells how this program contributed to them finding a way to both earn money and enjoy what they are doing. The main message is like: "Yes, I still have lots of calls from collectors, but it doesn't bother me any more. I am at peace at myself now. Kind of".

Well, I understand, that it's important to find peace as foundation for future success. But one can't live only on foundation forever. Eventually there's need for roof, windows, and even furniture and nice curtains.

So I got absolutely depressed after meeting with a felling of deep inner conflict.

Though today I woke up in a very good mood, it didn't last long. The weather was just incredibly good, and warm , and sunny. And i wanted to go for a walk. And then I realized...I have nothing to wear. Literally. Somehow, I ended up with only one pair of jeans left, and while been sick I put on a couple of extra kilos, and can't fit in them. And it came as a shock when I realized I have nothing else to wear with my running shoes to go for a walk outside.

I have a pair of regular "office" pants, but they are no-go with running shoes, and are supposed to go with high higher heels.

It just knocked me out. How in the world did I end up like this? It's unbelievable.

So I spent the rest of the sunny day at home watching TV series and feeling like... I cant' even find a word.

I am sorry to sound like an all whiny "ole poor me", it's just like 2 absolutely different people are within me. One, who's seen by others as strong, successful, positive. And the other one, who is crying at home because she has nothing to wear for a walk. What the hell? What is wrong? What I am missing?

Thank you reading.

Have a good Sunday, all.