I will need your support more than ever, SR friends...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
(((((((Midnight)))))))))
You are one of the strongest people I've seen on sr over the last couple of years. You have stayed sober for well over 2 years. You have worked so hard to get physically, mentally, emotionally fit. You are so very strong, that you came on here and laid out all of your anxiety and financial issues. You are amazing, and you will get through this with the same courage you have dealt with everything else!
You story sounds a lot like part of my past, but I drank right through my problems. I had a job, but it wasn't a high paying one. I owed more than my annual salary in credit card debt alone. Add rent, car payment, I don't know how I managed to drink too! You can do this, Mb. You are sober. You are smart enough to ask for help. Already you are like 10 times smarter than I was about it, and I've been credit card debt free for a few years now.
Find out if there's non profit credit counseling in your area. Seek and accept help.
Most of all, please know you are NOT a failure. You do NOT "deserve" to be in misery. You are a hard worker and a good person. You deserve to get out of his, and live a happy healthy life.
You are one of the strongest people I've seen on sr over the last couple of years. You have stayed sober for well over 2 years. You have worked so hard to get physically, mentally, emotionally fit. You are so very strong, that you came on here and laid out all of your anxiety and financial issues. You are amazing, and you will get through this with the same courage you have dealt with everything else!
You story sounds a lot like part of my past, but I drank right through my problems. I had a job, but it wasn't a high paying one. I owed more than my annual salary in credit card debt alone. Add rent, car payment, I don't know how I managed to drink too! You can do this, Mb. You are sober. You are smart enough to ask for help. Already you are like 10 times smarter than I was about it, and I've been credit card debt free for a few years now.
Find out if there's non profit credit counseling in your area. Seek and accept help.
Most of all, please know you are NOT a failure. You do NOT "deserve" to be in misery. You are a hard worker and a good person. You deserve to get out of his, and live a happy healthy life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
hey MB 
There's some great advice here - whether you Google or approach your creditors directly you can make a payment plan, and you will get through this.
It may take a little while but you will be OK
Keep us updated
D
There's some great advice here - whether you Google or approach your creditors directly you can make a payment plan, and you will get through this.
It may take a little while but you will be OK
Keep us updated
D
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Hey Mblue, smart to reach out.
I financially crashed and burned a few years back. Complete bankruptcy. While liquidating my business, I was getting calls from vendors and creditors vying for their slice of my corpse. I know well that abject terror at every ring of the phone.
The only advice I have is 1: Get a job. Any job. Wait tables, wash dishes, whatever. You train at a gym, right? Hit them up for a job. No one wants to hire an unemployed person. BTDT.
2. Boil your situation down into three or four clear sentences that are factual financial information. Leave out depression, treatment and therapy. That becomes your starting point with your creditors. You call them up, give them the quick explanation and work from there. You may be able to suspend payments on that loan for a short time by agreeing to let interest continue accumulating. If you still need to use your credit cards, do not have this conversation with them until you get some income coming in. They'll immediately suspend or cancel your cards. They will all respond helpfully if you reach out to assure them you want to pay them.
Something you could do after finding a job is come up with a marketing campaign for your services. Crowdsource it. What is that thing? "Fundme" or something like that.
I hope that helps. I too got to the level of despair where I could just break out crying. I made some stupid, drunken mistakes in the last few years. Now, I'm building my life back. It's a slow, monotonous path. One thing for sure, I've learned how to live frugally. I can go an entire week spending no money other than utilities. It's become a fun game.
Feel better. We're here.
I financially crashed and burned a few years back. Complete bankruptcy. While liquidating my business, I was getting calls from vendors and creditors vying for their slice of my corpse. I know well that abject terror at every ring of the phone.
The only advice I have is 1: Get a job. Any job. Wait tables, wash dishes, whatever. You train at a gym, right? Hit them up for a job. No one wants to hire an unemployed person. BTDT.
2. Boil your situation down into three or four clear sentences that are factual financial information. Leave out depression, treatment and therapy. That becomes your starting point with your creditors. You call them up, give them the quick explanation and work from there. You may be able to suspend payments on that loan for a short time by agreeing to let interest continue accumulating. If you still need to use your credit cards, do not have this conversation with them until you get some income coming in. They'll immediately suspend or cancel your cards. They will all respond helpfully if you reach out to assure them you want to pay them.
Something you could do after finding a job is come up with a marketing campaign for your services. Crowdsource it. What is that thing? "Fundme" or something like that.
I hope that helps. I too got to the level of despair where I could just break out crying. I made some stupid, drunken mistakes in the last few years. Now, I'm building my life back. It's a slow, monotonous path. One thing for sure, I've learned how to live frugally. I can go an entire week spending no money other than utilities. It's become a fun game.
Feel better. We're here.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Hugs Midnight. Thinking about you. It sounds like you may have already gotten past the worst of this. I hope so. The only practical advise I have is pay those dick CC companies last.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
MB....firstly, sorry to hear you are hurting. I hate how we express our pain in so many outward ways.
I know it is scary, but from what you say, I urge you to be the one to initiate contact with your creditors. I cannot stress this enough.
Make a plan how you can realistically repay the money, if you can. Even if you can pay a small portion of this payment due as a sign of goodwill, and work out a plan to repay the balance.
I'm not sure if you have overcommitted, and don't have the income to pay the loan back? If that is the case, then yes, you will need to look at other ways.
It is natural to want to run from these worries, but then the creditors will treat you like everyone else who skips on their loan. Unexpected things happen in life though, and initiating contact to deal with the problem is viewed much more favourably by financiers than you may realise.
I know it is scary, but from what you say, I urge you to be the one to initiate contact with your creditors. I cannot stress this enough.
Make a plan how you can realistically repay the money, if you can. Even if you can pay a small portion of this payment due as a sign of goodwill, and work out a plan to repay the balance.
I'm not sure if you have overcommitted, and don't have the income to pay the loan back? If that is the case, then yes, you will need to look at other ways.
It is natural to want to run from these worries, but then the creditors will treat you like everyone else who skips on their loan. Unexpected things happen in life though, and initiating contact to deal with the problem is viewed much more favourably by financiers than you may realise.
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Morning, all (at least, at my place of the world).
Thank you for responses and great advice. Going to see a doctor today, hope she well release me.
See you later.
Thank you for responses and great advice. Going to see a doctor today, hope she well release me.
See you later.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear MidnightBlue,
Great advice from your SR family. Fandy and the others, make some excellent points....
Try, very hard, to stay in TODAY, not yesterday or tomorrow, but today!
My financial story for you.....
My recovering daughters, especially the 23 yr old had HUGE medical bills, from a moped/SUV accident
that she could not pay ($70,000 after insurance) plus all the CC and personal loans
she took out, while drugging it up....
We, in WI, have a "caring hearts" program for low or no income people and families, to help with medical bills only....
I helped her, during her recovery,, jaw wired shut and two small brain bleeds, fill out the forms...and guess what? She was accepted!
Also, what the other SR members have said, pay any amount you can, even if it's a $5/month, it shows
to the collector/bank/mortgage people, whoever, that you are serious and willing to pay back what you owe.
PLEASE take care of yourself...don't do the isolation thing...DO go outside, walk some TELL someone you trust (that good old F2F) what's going on financially and emotionally, so very important MB................
breathe....
Ya know, you DO have a family....a few 1,000 SR members who truly do care about you.
(((((MB))))) hug We care about you,
now, YOU care about you!!!
Very respectfully, with hugs, many hugs....
TF
Great advice from your SR family. Fandy and the others, make some excellent points....
Try, very hard, to stay in TODAY, not yesterday or tomorrow, but today!
My financial story for you.....
My recovering daughters, especially the 23 yr old had HUGE medical bills, from a moped/SUV accident
that she could not pay ($70,000 after insurance) plus all the CC and personal loans
she took out, while drugging it up....
We, in WI, have a "caring hearts" program for low or no income people and families, to help with medical bills only....
I helped her, during her recovery,, jaw wired shut and two small brain bleeds, fill out the forms...and guess what? She was accepted!
Also, what the other SR members have said, pay any amount you can, even if it's a $5/month, it shows
to the collector/bank/mortgage people, whoever, that you are serious and willing to pay back what you owe.
PLEASE take care of yourself...don't do the isolation thing...DO go outside, walk some TELL someone you trust (that good old F2F) what's going on financially and emotionally, so very important MB................
breathe....
Ya know, you DO have a family....a few 1,000 SR members who truly do care about you.
(((((MB))))) hug We care about you,
now, YOU care about you!!!
Very respectfully, with hugs, many hugs....
TF
Last edited by Twofish; 04-03-2015 at 01:26 AM. Reason: spelling...what else!
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Thank you, friends.
I'm just back from the doc. She didn't release me - didn't like the way I am recovering - too slow. Probably it's due to anemia, but she said in her opinion it's still early for me to get back to high functioning mode.
Yeah, that's what I really need right now...Sorry, whining does no good.
She prescribed shots to boost my immunity system. I hope it will help.
Oh, well.
I will be sticking around here - your support has always been essential part of any recovery I've been going through these 2.5 years (wine, binge-eating, emotional wounds). I am sure it will help me this time too.
Love you all.
And have a great weekend!
I'm just back from the doc. She didn't release me - didn't like the way I am recovering - too slow. Probably it's due to anemia, but she said in her opinion it's still early for me to get back to high functioning mode.
Yeah, that's what I really need right now...Sorry, whining does no good.
She prescribed shots to boost my immunity system. I hope it will help.
Oh, well.
I will be sticking around here - your support has always been essential part of any recovery I've been going through these 2.5 years (wine, binge-eating, emotional wounds). I am sure it will help me this time too.
Love you all.
And have a great weekend!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I was interested when you mentioned DA. I was thinking of it as a possible solution as I read your post, but I'd only just heard of it as a friend is starting DA in my home town.
Some of us believe our drinking is just a symptom of a deeper disorder. It see you stopped drinking a while back, but then it sounds like other problems cropped up like binge eating, retail therapy etc.
I know AAs twelve steps are a good solution for the underlying problems I had and I imagine DA has a similar approach. In essence the AA solution, which we happened to be taking about at the meeting tonight, is to help you find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
We concluded that this doesn't happen in the first few steps but as the result of all of the steps, though some of us got a feeling for the higher power thing as we worked through particular steps like 5 and9.
That second step is about willingness to believe that it is at least a possibility that some kind of power, perhaps the same one that helped us, might also help you. It is important because in the preceding pages AA has just told us that we have an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. So if we are going to pursue a spiritual experience, we have to at least be willing to believe, even if at this point we have no actual belief. It's about an open mind as much as anything. If I had been absolutely unwilling to even consider the possibility of a higher power, then I doubt if AA would have been much use to me.
I also looked at what else I had tried, a medical experience, a rehab experience, a romantic experience, a geographical experience, a psychological experience, a financial experience, you name it, I tried it. In the end a spiritual approach was all that was left.
There is one thing about financial problems that is worth knowing. Time always fixes them. We face our creditors and make the best deal we can. If we are honest they are usually very understanding. Once a plan is in place, as long as we stick to it, the problem just melts away.
Some of us believe our drinking is just a symptom of a deeper disorder. It see you stopped drinking a while back, but then it sounds like other problems cropped up like binge eating, retail therapy etc.
I know AAs twelve steps are a good solution for the underlying problems I had and I imagine DA has a similar approach. In essence the AA solution, which we happened to be taking about at the meeting tonight, is to help you find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
We concluded that this doesn't happen in the first few steps but as the result of all of the steps, though some of us got a feeling for the higher power thing as we worked through particular steps like 5 and9.
That second step is about willingness to believe that it is at least a possibility that some kind of power, perhaps the same one that helped us, might also help you. It is important because in the preceding pages AA has just told us that we have an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. So if we are going to pursue a spiritual experience, we have to at least be willing to believe, even if at this point we have no actual belief. It's about an open mind as much as anything. If I had been absolutely unwilling to even consider the possibility of a higher power, then I doubt if AA would have been much use to me.
I also looked at what else I had tried, a medical experience, a rehab experience, a romantic experience, a geographical experience, a psychological experience, a financial experience, you name it, I tried it. In the end a spiritual approach was all that was left.
There is one thing about financial problems that is worth knowing. Time always fixes them. We face our creditors and make the best deal we can. If we are honest they are usually very understanding. Once a plan is in place, as long as we stick to it, the problem just melts away.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue 
Thank you, friends.
I'm just back from the doc. She didn't release me - didn't like the way I am recovering - too slow. Probably it's due to anemia, but she said in her opinion it's still early for me to get back to high functioning mode.
I'm just back from the doc. She didn't release me - didn't like the way I am recovering - too slow. Probably it's due to anemia, but she said in her opinion it's still early for me to get back to high functioning mode.
From all I've read from you on here, you'll soon bounce back to your badass best
I am so proud of you, my friend xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nottingham Uk
Posts: 59
Hi midnight.I'm so sorry your going through this. I know from experience how horrific it feels to be in your situation. I don't know where you live but I'm in the UK . if ur not it probably won't help..but we had £35,000 of debt, the majority down to me. We went to a debt charity called step change and they handled it all for us with no fee at all. We were lucky enough to b able to pay it off early. I'd not heard of them before but they saved our lives. Is there anything similar where you are? Big hugs xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
They say money can't buy happiness.... But it sure does pay the bills.
I can relate inasmuch as I have a job but I pretty much loathe it and remain trapped in it because without it I'd be right where you are.
The stress is destroying my physical being and causing me emotional havoc.
Anyway I guess I just wanted to offer you understanding. Know that whatever happens pill get through this.... It's a stage of life and you will survive.... You will thrive. This will be in the past
I can relate inasmuch as I have a job but I pretty much loathe it and remain trapped in it because without it I'd be right where you are.
The stress is destroying my physical being and causing me emotional havoc.
Anyway I guess I just wanted to offer you understanding. Know that whatever happens pill get through this.... It's a stage of life and you will survive.... You will thrive. This will be in the past
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Dear Midnight,
I'm so sorry to hear of all the turmoil you are going through. I just wanted to send good wishes and a big hug your way. You are a strong woman, you will manage and get your standing back, please try not to worry too much.
I'm so sorry to hear of all the turmoil you are going through. I just wanted to send good wishes and a big hug your way. You are a strong woman, you will manage and get your standing back, please try not to worry too much.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
"And what is even worse about all this, I feel like I don’t deserve any compassion or support. Like I do deserve and that’s happening to me, and , for some reason, it serves me right. I am beating myself up constantly, which doesn’t help at all."
I don't believe ^^^ that at all! You DO deserve compassion and support and LOVE! Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.
There are a few things I noticed in your post that are GREAT!:
1. You have been sober for 2.5 years! Amazing!
2. You are trying really hard and haven't given up! You're a fighter!
3. You came here for support.
4. You are still trying to better yourself
5. And the list goes on...your honesty and humility are amazing.
I've know many people who have been in your situation and it was really hard for them for a while BUT they stayed sober, kept praying, kept working on things, kept trying and things got MUCH MUCH better over time.
Are you able to talk to the people you owe money to and work something out? Can you explain your situation with all the illness etc to them? I'm not sure where you live but in the USA there are lots of options.
I will pray for you! Please don't give up. Never give up! Miracles happen every day. Just keep trying. I believe in you! (((Hug)))
I don't believe ^^^ that at all! You DO deserve compassion and support and LOVE! Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.
There are a few things I noticed in your post that are GREAT!:
1. You have been sober for 2.5 years! Amazing!
2. You are trying really hard and haven't given up! You're a fighter!
3. You came here for support.
4. You are still trying to better yourself
5. And the list goes on...your honesty and humility are amazing.
I've know many people who have been in your situation and it was really hard for them for a while BUT they stayed sober, kept praying, kept working on things, kept trying and things got MUCH MUCH better over time.
Are you able to talk to the people you owe money to and work something out? Can you explain your situation with all the illness etc to them? I'm not sure where you live but in the USA there are lots of options.
I will pray for you! Please don't give up. Never give up! Miracles happen every day. Just keep trying. I believe in you! (((Hug)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Thanks again, friends. It feel much better not to be alone in this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 66
Stress can do some ridiculous things. Before I got married I lost 20 pounds because of stress. No diet or excersise. Who knows what else it was wreaking havoc on. I do believe that you can have peace though.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
For practical reasons is it possible for you to possibly check into doing some online work (? Something like proofreading for publications? Transcription?
You're quite articulate and capable, it wouldn't be too stressful.
You're quite articulate and capable, it wouldn't be too stressful.
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