Facing Reality
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 105
Hi Betterthiings
Good to hear from you.
you are doing very well - not quite up to the heady heights of my day 5 yet of course but very well ! :-)
Neither you nor I ever have to go through such a thing again do we? That has got to be good news, eh?
You are doing the necessary hard yards for which I commend you, sir!
CC
Good to hear from you.
you are doing very well - not quite up to the heady heights of my day 5 yet of course but very well ! :-)
Neither you nor I ever have to go through such a thing again do we? That has got to be good news, eh?
You are doing the necessary hard yards for which I commend you, sir!
CC
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
Welcome Betterthings. Your story is a copy of my story. I think that alcohol is so socially accepted that one can get addicted to acohol without even realising it. I always used to drink a lot, but till my tirties everybody drinks a lot. Nowadays, also it's only my family and myself who really as a problem with my drinking habbits.
I stopped a month ago and i'm really happy about it. In the beginning is difficult but afterwards it's goin better and better. And like you said i have to go eat with clients almost every day at lunch (and almost every evening go to dinner with clients/friends/family). For me it was impossible to to do that without drinking alcohol. Now i still go to restaurants (so i didn't stop that) almost every day but always with a coke zero
And i let my companions choose to drink or not. I will never say anything about it. And to be honest i haven't the slidest problem with someone drinking with me. I'm just happy that i CAN go to restaurants without alcohol
I stopped a month ago and i'm really happy about it. In the beginning is difficult but afterwards it's goin better and better. And like you said i have to go eat with clients almost every day at lunch (and almost every evening go to dinner with clients/friends/family). For me it was impossible to to do that without drinking alcohol. Now i still go to restaurants (so i didn't stop that) almost every day but always with a coke zero
And i let my companions choose to drink or not. I will never say anything about it. And to be honest i haven't the slidest problem with someone drinking with me. I'm just happy that i CAN go to restaurants without alcohol Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 173
Hi betterthings...and welcome. I am quite new here...only 33 days sober for the first time in my life. So it feels cheeky of me to welcome someone else, when i'm such a newbie...but i was pulled in reading your post - by the recognition of some of the things you said... Like you, I've managed to gain 3 university degrees, build a good career, function well, etc, etc...but, accompanied by alcohol all the way through...alcohol doesn't 'choose'. I also have been unable til now to 'come public' albeit only on a forum. But it's already helped me ...sort of breathe easier about my predicament.
I feel glad you've joined us. I found such a warm welcome here, and looks like you already have too. Hang around if you can?
I feel glad you've joined us. I found such a warm welcome here, and looks like you already have too. Hang around if you can?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 16
Just an update.... after a month of holding firm I had a hiccup over a few days. So here I am, resetting and having another try. Very disappointed with myself but trying not to be too negative and to commit to another serious attempt to be sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
That happened to me too a few times. I guess I still thought I had some control, even though I'd proven to myself hundreds of times that I didn't. I finally had enough - and the last time 'took' . You can do it betterthiings.
. You can do it betterthiings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 16
I'm so disappointed. After a couple of good years I somehow let this poison enter my life again and I am back to a cycle of abuse starting at lunch, finishing with early bed and then nursing a hangover to lunch.
So here I am, hitting reset again.
So here I am, hitting reset again.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back betterthiings, sorry to hear that you went back to drinking. I'm glad you decided to return though. What was it you were doing during those 2 years sober to stay that way?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 16
ScottFromWI
I will reflect on your question further - it is a good one. Over those two years I was not teetotal, but managed to avoid drinking enough to get hungover. I always volunteered as designated driver, to pickup the kids from late night events etc. I thought I had things balanced. Meditation and learning a musical instrument in middle age helped too.
But man it's a slippery slope and I'm back to binging 3-5 times a week.
I can't really explain how much it means to have a forum like this where people understand and as it has helped me is the past I hope to get sober again. This time I'm planning to stay checked in and not forget and slide.
I will reflect on your question further - it is a good one. Over those two years I was not teetotal, but managed to avoid drinking enough to get hungover. I always volunteered as designated driver, to pickup the kids from late night events etc. I thought I had things balanced. Meditation and learning a musical instrument in middle age helped too.
But man it's a slippery slope and I'm back to binging 3-5 times a week.
I can't really explain how much it means to have a forum like this where people understand and as it has helped me is the past I hope to get sober again. This time I'm planning to stay checked in and not forget and slide.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
Welcome back, what a sick insidious addiction this is.
Do you have a plan to change anything this time around?
Do you have a plan to change anything this time around?
It sucks, because I love that 3 glass in feeling... but I'm too addicted to risk social drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
Hi bt - welcome to SR. Lovely to have you with us. SR saved my sanity so I hope that it will help you as much too
Aside from the oodles of great support here, there are also some excellent threads on the site about the positives you gain whilst giving up the sauce - better sleep, relationships, etc etc etc - the list is endless. They always cheer me right up and make me wonder what I saw in the damn thing to begin with! (I was a bottle of spirits (+) a day kinda gal for 35 years but NOTHING beats waking up full of life and looking forwards not inwards).
Please keep us posted. Looking forward to it Yix x
Aside from the oodles of great support here, there are also some excellent threads on the site about the positives you gain whilst giving up the sauce - better sleep, relationships, etc etc etc - the list is endless. They always cheer me right up and make me wonder what I saw in the damn thing to begin with! (I was a bottle of spirits (+) a day kinda gal for 35 years but NOTHING beats waking up full of life and looking forwards not inwards).
Please keep us posted. Looking forward to it
Yix x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
Sorry bt - the rest of the threads came in all at once and I only had the first few when I posted 
Please don't give up - it's a hard battle but it is worth it. I promise. x
Please don't give up - it's a hard battle but it is worth it. I promise. x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by betterthiings
I have to stop forever. There is no capacity to self-regulate long term and one slip leads to another.
It sucks, because I love that 3 glass in feeling... but I'm too addicted to risk social drinking.
It sucks, because I love that 3 glass in feeling... but I'm too addicted to risk social drinking.
But I too have finally come to the end of the road. I'm on day 41/42 - and not going to drink ever again.
What is your plan not to drink?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
So many similarities betterthings. I have a great life, with a lovely wife and kids, great home, great career, etc. I too was successful in moderating several times, for long periods, until it spun out of control every time. I know now that moderation is not doable for me. Even after long periods of abstinence. I made the personal decision to give it up for good. At the end of the day i am not really giving up anything, but gaining so much.
Keep going. You can do this.
Keep going. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 16
lessgravity
I am working on the plan now. Part of it is to see a professional, as part of my problem is that due to being high functioning while still obviously alcoholic not everyone sees my drinking as being as big a problem as it is. That is only because they're not there at 3am in the morning when I have my head in the toilet, which is not conduct that should go into your 20s, let alone your 40s. So far I have been pretty lucky that alcohol hasn't done more damage to my body and my life (and yes, it has already done its fair share), but I'm now at an age where if I don't stop I won't make old bones.
From past experiences, the things that work well for me include:
1. keeping a diary and tracking progress;
2. avoiding business lunches or choosing venues that are not centered around a wine list;
3. one or both of dedicating time every day to playing a musical instrument or to mediation;
4. running;
5. drinking LOTS of tea and using the tea ritual to replace the wine ritual;
6. making sure I'm not the last person in the house to turn in at night;
7. being disciplined about getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night - and staying in bed even during the insomnia phases (during which SR is an awesome place to frequent, read, be inspired by and feel connected to people who really understand as only an addict can).
I am disappointed because I thought that - this time - I really had managed the moderation thing and could lead a normal life. However, it keeps leading back here and as I said earlier, if I don't stop now I can be pretty sure what is going to kill me. I do NOT want to be reopening this thread in 1, 3, 5 years or ever again.
I am working on the plan now. Part of it is to see a professional, as part of my problem is that due to being high functioning while still obviously alcoholic not everyone sees my drinking as being as big a problem as it is. That is only because they're not there at 3am in the morning when I have my head in the toilet, which is not conduct that should go into your 20s, let alone your 40s. So far I have been pretty lucky that alcohol hasn't done more damage to my body and my life (and yes, it has already done its fair share), but I'm now at an age where if I don't stop I won't make old bones.
From past experiences, the things that work well for me include:
1. keeping a diary and tracking progress;
2. avoiding business lunches or choosing venues that are not centered around a wine list;
3. one or both of dedicating time every day to playing a musical instrument or to mediation;
4. running;
5. drinking LOTS of tea and using the tea ritual to replace the wine ritual;
6. making sure I'm not the last person in the house to turn in at night;
7. being disciplined about getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night - and staying in bed even during the insomnia phases (during which SR is an awesome place to frequent, read, be inspired by and feel connected to people who really understand as only an addict can).
I am disappointed because I thought that - this time - I really had managed the moderation thing and could lead a normal life. However, it keeps leading back here and as I said earlier, if I don't stop now I can be pretty sure what is going to kill me. I do NOT want to be reopening this thread in 1, 3, 5 years or ever again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Hi Better, welcome back! Sorry to hear about you drifting back into your old habits. I have a similar background, also in professional services, but a decade older and I can only emphasize that you are doing the right thing fighting this every step of the way. I will catch up with you eventually - you either stop now or your body will do it for you, as it did with me (high blood pressure, gout, and other bobos).
Of course client relationships are an ongoing challenges, but the stakes are just too high - it’s our lives and our families against a few bottles of Supertoscani or whatever.
Thanks so much for posting, it is a stark reminder and warning for the rest of us.
One read I can recommend if you don’t know it already:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (51 things you should know about addiction recovery).
An excerpt:
35) Complacency kills. In fact, this is the only real long term challenge in recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism. Everything else is just mere details. But getting lazy about personal growth is the final challenge, because it is really the only way to regress back into our addictive mode. If you are not pushing yourself to grow in recovery, then you might be getting closer to relapse. One of the best ways to fight against this is to constantly challenge yourself to improve your own health and to reach out and help others in new ways. Doing these things is a hedge against the danger of becoming complacent.
Good luck on your journey!
Of course client relationships are an ongoing challenges, but the stakes are just too high - it’s our lives and our families against a few bottles of Supertoscani or whatever.
Thanks so much for posting, it is a stark reminder and warning for the rest of us.
One read I can recommend if you don’t know it already:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (51 things you should know about addiction recovery).
An excerpt:
35) Complacency kills. In fact, this is the only real long term challenge in recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism. Everything else is just mere details. But getting lazy about personal growth is the final challenge, because it is really the only way to regress back into our addictive mode. If you are not pushing yourself to grow in recovery, then you might be getting closer to relapse. One of the best ways to fight against this is to constantly challenge yourself to improve your own health and to reach out and help others in new ways. Doing these things is a hedge against the danger of becoming complacent.
Good luck on your journey!
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