FallenAngel29

After re-reading my last post I also realize my husband and I have, emotionally and physically, been neglecting our marriage. That's sucky. It will be exciting to see how our lives and family will improve.

FallenAngel29

So, I've been on SR ALL day and I've gotten quite a bit of insight. AND, right here and now, I don't want to drink! The plan was for 3 shots 1 beer but I don't have the urge. While I am worried about withdrawls, I think I'm just going to hold off and see what happens. It's been almost 15 hours since my last drink and my only symptom is a very slight shakiness in my hands. Other than that I feel great. 4 hours ago my heartrate spiked to 110 for a second which brought on a wave of nausea but has been holding steady at 88-90 all day. I've actually started feeling better as the day has progressed. I really do hope this feeling stays. That'd be dope.

FallenAngel29

Ugh. So, that last post went to hell in a hand basket. I'm 4 shots in and don't feel like doing jack. My husband was off today and already had one shot and two beers. He's snippy and, now, so am I. Dear Jesus, when does this get better and how do we fix this? My mom always said, "when you feel like you're at the end of your rope, just tie a knot and hang on." I'm gonna get super white girl here and just say, OMG! I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN.

dog69

Howdy neighbor! I was never a functioning drunk. One sip and that was all it took.

I don't have a lot of advice, particular since you said quitting cold turkey was out of the question which is how I did it. I finally, and perhaps you too, came to the opinion that there was only one person that could make me quit. And that was me.

Also, when I grew up both my parents were raging alcoholics. They really disgusted me. You're kids probably aren't to happy with you, depending on their ages I don't know. My parents refused to stop. So what happened to them? Mom died at 54. My dad now lives next door and is in a wheelchair and can't walk because he got drunk, fell, and broke his hip. So if you need help making the choice---do it for your kids. Because of my parents bad choices my moms no longer here and my dad makes my life hell, LITERALLY, on a daily basis. I am still in disbelief after having been thru all this that I succumbed to drinking as well. Of course if you knew more of my background you'd see how easily I got pulled in since my parents were literally giving me beer before I was ten. My entire family were drunks. Everyone of them died early, dad is all that's left.

dog69

PS.....I don't have kids and I think I justified that as one of the reasons I didn't need to worry about it. You know what though? My neighbor has kids. He has some medical conditions and is going to turn 50 shortly. He smokes and is a raging alcoholic. I really have a hard time seeing him make it past 55 at this rate. In fact, he's at the bar right now. I always know when he's home because on the way he stops in front of the house and does a quick burn out in his truck. This used to be cool and really entertaining. Now that i'm not drinking i'm like good lord........this is crazy! I'm pretty sure he's gona be departing his kids before his time. Sad thing is he always complains about feeling like crap so he concentrates on not smoking as much which i've noticed has made him drink even more than before. Our saturday ritual for years was starting in on a 20 pack around noon, finishing it sometime that night and mixing in jager bombs as well. On top of that we'd break out our 4 wheelers at 2am and terrorize the neighborhood and would have occasional injury accidents. Sunday was spent in bed. Finally, being 46, this became harder and harder to do and I just grew really tired of the hangovers and just had to snap out of it and realize I can't do it anymore. He, on the other hand, is worse than ever and not even open to discussion.

dog69

Tomorrow, when you're sober, get back online and read all of this and see if you don't feel somewhat guilty.

And trying to be supportive.......most people can't just up and quit. And with your heart thing.........i'd say get professional help with that. You may need meds or something. I wouldn't play around with it. And, i'm not scolding you for getting drunk and posting on here. I've had plenty of fun times doing the same type of thing but it had to stop.

least

Seeing a doctor for help in getting thru w/d is a smart idea. Be safe while withdrawing.

FallenAngel29

Dog 69, thanks for posting and helping me see there's support so close to home. I'm actually not even drunk. Just slightly buzzed and majorly pissed about it bc I don't want to be this person. How is my willpower not stronger? Ugh. P.S. your neighbor sounds like a douche. Thank you for your encouraging words, friend.

dog69

No problem. It's time for me to go to bed so have a good night. I'm sure we'll have discussions in the future lol.

sugarbear1

You may not feel very drunk, but please don't drive! WE don't "feel" drunk, but our bodies truly ARE drunk.....it's our tolerance level and other stuff that play a large part.

Stopping is easy, you did for 15 hours, the trick is STAYING stopped.....one day at a time....

Maybe see your doctor for a safe detoxing of your body? Then come up with a plan and work some method for staying stopped?

Dee74

Maybe this sobriety thing needs more than a few posts for you Fallen Angel?
Not a criticism by any means but an observation.

look at what you've done for your recovery so far, Then acceot you need to do more.

Then try and figure out what that more might be

you can do this

D

FallenAngel29

On the other side now and have to say thank you to everyone who was supporting me here. I stopped at the four shots and had a talk with my hubby about how we've GOT to stop this mess. I'm getting sober one way or another and my sobriety isn't contingent on his. I'd love to do it together but I'm very willing to fly solo on this. I'll be looking into finding a therapist that specializes in addiction so I can find the "great why". This morning I got a text from my husband saying the past couple of days (since we've been drinking much less than usual) that he's been feeling pretty good. He definitely doesn't want any more shots and isn't even really sure he wants to drink beer either. All things considered, I think that's a fantastic start.
Sugarbear, there was no driving. That is my hard fast rule anyway, but especially since we got a new car. Thank you for your concern.
As of now there is no alcohol in the house and we both need it to stay that way. Luckily we're going through this while the kids are on spring break so that by the time they get back we can start fresh for them. Thanks again everyone