Why I went back out and how was it like, a short explanation.
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Originally Posted by KateL 
Alcoholic voice. You know, that little devil on your shoulder that says, 'Go on, it's alright to have a drink just this once.' xxxx
Or Addictive Voice depending on the source, but the idea is the same.
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Originally Posted by Tang
Or Addictive Voice depending on the source, but the idea is the same.
xxx
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This is taking it a bit off topic, but perhaps the acronyms sticky needs updating. I didn't find "AV" in there. And there are some acronyms there I've never ever seen used. I'm sure the mods can sort something out.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Hey thanks for all the replies and ideas and support. I'm still hungover from the trip. I also ended up toking on some weed.
When it comes av, I just felt that I was so sick and tired of the idea of the av that I wanted to disprove its existence and find an alternative logic, which I'd been pondering for about a year before this experiment... so yes, I had some time to think before relapsing.
Those posts beyond doubt were suicidal and depressing, you know this thing happens to me when I blackout that there is something very evil in my past that has been haunting me, and it is still has been there depressing me thruout my whole sobriety. I've called it hell. It was triggered and brought to a kind of culmination there... possibly.
Also for the experiment, which naturally you folks call self-delusion and bullshiting oneself. But I had and have had indications towards this, A WHOLE LOT, otherwise I'd never have take that risk. Trust me, my sobriety meant everything to me. If I was somewhere deluded then it must've been the act of the av, the av again. But how the hell can if be so clever and make everything seem so real in spite of everything that has happened, this I cannot understand. What can I trust anymore? I can't trust my perceptions, thoughts about what is happening or not? Can the av really do this?
The drinking itself was, well, dull and not all that fun... so I don't think I'm going to drink again unless I find those cravings coming back to life. But that is to be seen. Thanks again for the support and I apologize for the savage stuff I wrote. (I really was that angry, and have been, within for the last 9 years or so... thus that problem is real to me.).
When it comes av, I just felt that I was so sick and tired of the idea of the av that I wanted to disprove its existence and find an alternative logic, which I'd been pondering for about a year before this experiment... so yes, I had some time to think before relapsing.
Those posts beyond doubt were suicidal and depressing, you know this thing happens to me when I blackout that there is something very evil in my past that has been haunting me, and it is still has been there depressing me thruout my whole sobriety. I've called it hell. It was triggered and brought to a kind of culmination there... possibly.
Also for the experiment, which naturally you folks call self-delusion and bullshiting oneself. But I had and have had indications towards this, A WHOLE LOT, otherwise I'd never have take that risk. Trust me, my sobriety meant everything to me. If I was somewhere deluded then it must've been the act of the av, the av again. But how the hell can if be so clever and make everything seem so real in spite of everything that has happened, this I cannot understand. What can I trust anymore? I can't trust my perceptions, thoughts about what is happening or not? Can the av really do this?
The drinking itself was, well, dull and not all that fun... so I don't think I'm going to drink again unless I find those cravings coming back to life. But that is to be seen. Thanks again for the support and I apologize for the savage stuff I wrote. (I really was that angry, and have been, within for the last 9 years or so... thus that problem is real to me.).
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by UnixBer
The drinking itself was, well, dull and not all that fun... so I don't think I'm going to drink again unless I find those cravings coming back to life. But that is to be seen. Thanks again for the support and I apologize for the savage stuff I wrote. (I really was that angry, and have been, within for the last 9 years or so... thus that problem is real to me.).
I think you may be at a crossroads, Unix. Those cravings? They're always there, sometimes hidden, quiet and patient in a place inside our brains we don't understand. Sometimes they are screaming for attention.
Not planning to drink unless they surface hovers dangerously close to planning to drink. Now, in the stark light of post-binge, is the time to plan for a sober life and how you'll handle the challenges we all face in recovery.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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I typically never give feedback like this, but I think you need to put therapy/counseling on the table at this point, Bear. I'm sad and worried for you but I know there is hope & help for you if you look for it. You don't deserve or have to live like this. You are worth more than this. Please seriously consider professional help. It saved my life and the lives of those I love and who love me. It can do the same for you.
I care and I want you to feel better about yourself and about life.
I care and I want you to feel better about yourself and about life.
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