HeyStoopid

So I've slowly been screwing up again. Drink here, drink there, and now five nights of drinking in a row.

I'd convinced myself that AA wasn't working because I didn't really believe in any higher power, despite my sincere attempts to do so. Then, I tried anti-depressants. Those worked for a couple months, but eventually they wore off and I drank again.

I assume at least a few of you have been through this cycle. What were your experiences, and how did you end up breaking through?

PurpleKnight

I went round in circles for a long time, until finally I made the decision "no more"!!

The foundation was an acceptance that I was parting ways with alcohol on a permanent basis, I was now a "non drinker", that shift in perspective was important for me, no more experimenting with moderation, trying to control alcohol, no more odd drinks, this was it, the guys who ordered a coke or a cranberry juice, I was going to be one of those people!!

The next thing was some support, great intentions in my mind never lasted for long, I needed something outside of myself to give me a second opinion on things, keep me focused on the objective, as in isolation my mind would and did convince me to drink.

Building that support into my routine was important, along with forming new Sober routines and trying to build a Sober lifestyle, simply removing drinking created a whole lot of free time, so changing things up, making tough decisions on activities I got involved in and people I hung out with needed to be made.

We have to make Sobriety happen, and it can be done!!

freshstart57

I decided I deserved a better life than the one I was living, full of depression and anxiety and shame and sickness and guilt and failure. It just was getting worse all the time, and it was getting worse because of alcohol. Once I accepted that, it became clear that if I wanted a life with some peace and self-respect and hope and joy, I could have it ONLY if I never drank again. One or the other, no shades of gray.

So I quit drinking and I did it once. I decided I was going to do everything I could to make the process as easy as possible for me, because failure or changing my mind was simply not acceptable, not a possible choice if I wanted to live. I wanted to live.

After I quit, I started to say yes to things I had previously refused to do, things like helping others, resuming hobbies and interests, joining new groups, trying new things. I started to get back many of the things I had given away in order to drink. I began to find joy and pleasure again in doing things that require skill and mastery. I learned how to work and play again, all without alcohol. And I saw that my sober life was so much better, so much more fulfilling, so much more satisfying than it had ever been. It was real, and I was real.

Even though I have a strong religious faith, God had little to do with my drinking, and little to do with my sobriety. I am grateful, not for the gift of sobriety at all, but grateful for the gift of my talents and the ability to choose my own future.

I recommend it, HeyS. Make the leap, never look back, and say yes.

ScottFromWI

I'm not sure that you need to "figure out God" to stop drinking. There are a lot of ways to quit...but each require an absolute committment and work on our part. There is no pill you can take or book you can read that will "cure" you of your addiction.

Maybe you could try seeing an alcohol coubselor or a different recovery method? How about joining one of the monthly threads here?

growpath

I do know we CANT stop trying.

If what we did last time didn't work it is time to go to another plan. You never know it may be plan G, O or W that works.

If we want it bad enough we will figure it out.

We don't have to know all the answers right now but if we keep searching we will find what works.

That's how we learn...we fall down and we get back up. I have faith you and I both will get it one day! I can say I am a heck of a lot closer than I was when I first attempted sobriety & I bet you are too. You already know meds and AA aren't working so move to the next plan of action.

I do know one thing that is a necessity; don't drink and then repeat. Keep exploring new recovery routes. Find what works and leave what doesn't. Things will start falling into place sooner or later. You will get out of recovery what you put into it. Just stay positive and convince yourself you CAN do this...because you can!

Soberwolf

I was tired of landing on my bum and always asking how has this happened ?

I had to face up to my actions and my thinking, lifestyle & decision making i woke up one day and knew i had to stop i was loosing it all and would have if i carried on

it was tough at first damn scary etc but with time and hard work on sobriety and other areas of my life it got a lot easier

but it started with me knowing i cant drink safely or responsibly

least

I just got so sick of myself I knew I had to stop for good. I accepted that I could never drink again. I knew I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.

anattaboy

Putting down the booze for good was a historic moment for me. 9 months ago tomorrow I realized I always let the urge define me and was literally killing myself by going back on my own word which would have crossover into other areas of my life. By allowing the AV to sweet-talk me I gave away a lot of myself by giving in. I finally made the "Big Plan" and decided to treat me as I would have others treat me--with love and respect. I know you want that also--we all do.

Dee74

when I kept drinking I had to look at all the reasons why - was it my lifestyle...was it the only tool I had for problems was alcohol...was it I didn't want to feel different as a non drinker, or I didn't want to have to change my life...?

for me it was all those things and more.

I needed to accept that I could be who I wanted to be, or drink...but not both.

I needed to accept that alcohol and I had a toxic relationship, and always would.

I needed to believe there was a better life out there for me, and that I deserved it

On the HP thing? Seems to me all you need to do is accept you're not the greatest power in the universe. I get that proven to me every day

some peoples HP is God, others use a community like SR or AA as their higher power...
IMO it's not really something you need to stumble over if your intent to quit is sincere

D

HeyStoopid

I've seen two counselors on a weekly basis outside of AA, one for 2 months and another for almost 7 months. Neither was all that helpful, because I already know my issues, I just have refused to deal with them (at least without the aid of meds).

I've known for quite some time why I land on my ass, and I continue to fark up anyway. I think only certain drinks, like hard liquor, get me in trouble. I think I can easily "taper" on beer (which is true until I seriously take a flying leap off the wagon). Basically, I still think I can "control" things, until I drink for 4-5 days at a stretch, and start sweating and panicking.

I'm sort of "lucky" to have an employer who doesn't notice much.

HeyStoopid

This may be it. I've often anxiously wondered, "What will ladies think if I don't order a glass of wine while they do?"

I know this is dumb, but what is your experience?

FreeOwl

I agree....

I'm over 14 months sober and I haven't "figured out God".

I generally believe that there is a higher power operating in a beautiful way in this universe that we can connect with, are a part of, can draw strength and wisdom and joy from. I believe that having that general belief has been helpful in my recovery..... but it's far from everything.

The biggest factor for me was finally making an actual, sincere, legitimate decision to live a sober life and to seek what it can bring for me and others. Sometimes I take steps to connect with that higher power.... sometimes I focus on counseling, sometimes meetings, sometimes the steps, sometimes just new hobbies or my job or my health..... For me, success in sobriety has been about continually embracing a sober life in a balanced way.

you can do it!

FreeOwl

to be honest, my experience is that most ladies over the age of about 20 have had PLENTY of experiences with drunken guys in their lives already. Almost always they find it a nice change. Sure, there may be some 'party girls' that find sobriety a downer.... but you really don't need those ladies in your life anyway, trust me.

Fly N Buy

If a prerequisite for sobriety was figuring out God i am not sure anyone would be sober!

I think sobriety is simply figuring out how to be reasonably happy doing life's daily small things that add up to 90 % of our time.


Today I went to a meeting, stopped at grocery store afterwards and made lunch for my son and myself. Afterwards we chatted - shot a few basketballs in driveway and generally goofed around for a bit. Pretty boring stuff that when drinking I would have pushed through them - get them out of the way - to be left alone so I could drink.


Now I truly relish these seemingly mundane things as the true joys of the day!!
Getting sober for me is the same idea. I just try to do little things that add up to staying sober. Not one big thing but small seemingly insignificant tasks.

Glad you're here - keep working and coming back!

zerothehero

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I had to rewrite these to make them work for me:

1. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol when I drank, but my life is manageable as long as I avoid alcohol (and other drugs).

2. Came to believe that the Power greater than myself lies within me and that with help from others I could restore myself to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the Higher Power I found within myself via sobriety, understanding that it is my responsibility whether I choose to drink/drug or not, and by choosing sobriety I choose to embrace my Higher Power.

Some would call it hubris, but I'm my own Higher Power. It's working for me getting on 15 months.

It's semantics, really, but hey, I've been on this planet over half a century, and praying into the void just hasn't worked for me - and I haven't got an answer yet. I'm open to it. Would be elated, really. But, for now I'm a lost soul as they say. But I have no one but myself to blame. And I deserve all the credit.

2muchpain

Flynbuy, I know what you mean by those mundane, simple things. I've come to cherish every one of them!! Every day, things will happen and I think to myself, wow, that wouldn't of happened if I was drinking, or, I know that would not of turned out so well if I was drinking. Simply having a nice friendly conversation with someone with a clear head feels amazing. I could make a list of things that happen every single day that wouldn't of happened if I was drinking. A non-alcoholic would think nothing of these things, but to me, there all little blessings. John

Dee74

I know I make a far better impression sober than I did drunk off my butt.

D

Hawks

First 3 steps are becoming willing.

Steps 4-9 are how you do it.

Steps 10,11 and 12 are how you keep it done.

Turning up to AA and trying to figure out God and sending up the odd prayer won't do it.

Read the instructions (book)

Thatdeliveryguy

Do you want a God, if so then contemplate how to find one .Go to Church, go to AA, do whats right for you and find a God. Ask for help, be sincere. Someone with a faith greater than you will help you find a God.

However, if you think yout need a GOD for sobriety, thats a falsehood brought on by our brethren in AA, and you should do what you gotta do to be sober regardless of your religious beliefs.

Up to you, no matter what, what are you going to do to stay sober?

Good day my friend and good luck.

Hawks

It's not a falsehood at all.

It works for some people and it's the only thing that has ever worked, for some people.

Finding out which you are..... That's the tricky and often painful or fatal part.