Does it really take a year plus to get to "baseline" ?
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
SR - you cray. 
My kinda cray. Lol. Nom nom for reals.
My brains feel like scrambled eggs. One minute , I have the most intense sense of joy I can hardly believe it, then, without warning, BAH BAM ! I'm dizzy, nauseous, and running to the kitchen sink BC I have excessive salivation and the next move will result in clean up in aisle 5.
This is the wildest, runaway-est roller coaster that dips into the recesses of hell and then shoots up celestially then, back down and round again. But, strangely, I know, somewhere. in places that people don't talk about at social gatherings, that my grey matter might be shifting.
I just gotta start toting around air sickness bags.
Healing ?
God, please, let this be healing.
My kinda cray. Lol. Nom nom for reals.My brains feel like scrambled eggs. One minute , I have the most intense sense of joy I can hardly believe it, then, without warning, BAH BAM ! I'm dizzy, nauseous, and running to the kitchen sink BC I have excessive salivation and the next move will result in clean up in aisle 5.
This is the wildest, runaway-est roller coaster that dips into the recesses of hell and then shoots up celestially then, back down and round again. But, strangely, I know, somewhere. in places that people don't talk about at social gatherings, that my grey matter might be shifting.
I just gotta start toting around air sickness bags.
Healing ?
God, please, let this be healing.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by colagirl
YES. Except for me it's elation to crying to calm to crying to overreacting to calm to elation, rinse and repeat. Totally.
"the good news about giving up drinking is you get your emotions and feelings back.
The bad news about giving up drinking is you get your emotions and feelings back "
It is so true.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Yes--at this point I am finally, finally beginning to realize there really
isn't any going back to the "old me" and the only way forward is through.
I turned fifty this year, and maybe my first half-century wasn't optimal,
but that is no reason the second half can't be stellar.
At least I keep telling myself that, despite the fact that gravity
has already done her evil work on strategic parts of my person. . .
isn't any going back to the "old me" and the only way forward is through.
I turned fifty this year, and maybe my first half-century wasn't optimal,
but that is no reason the second half can't be stellar.
At least I keep telling myself that, despite the fact that gravity
has already done her evil work on strategic parts of my person. . .
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Drinking when we were as yet not yet teenagers creates a legacy that just keeps on giving, yeah?
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
If I drank today, even after 33 years of sobriety, the first rush of feeling I would have would be intense core satisfaction. I would be rightly drunk with the world. Thereafter, things would go south.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I'm finding my ability to "cope" with my current life situations is becoming less and less. I'm hanging on by my fingernails.
I have decided to finally start the Lexapro (got the script in July).
I have exhausted all my options. The anxiety and depression are crushing.
I'm done fighting on my own. Calling in the big guns.
I have decided to finally start the Lexapro (got the script in July).
I have exhausted all my options. The anxiety and depression are crushing.
I'm done fighting on my own. Calling in the big guns.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
I was once sober from age 29 to 37 and never quite felt "at ease" despite steps, involvement , spiritual pursuits, business success. At age 53 and 9 months in, I was thinking today how calm I can be and make it through the many storms of my household. Much more centered this time around. I'd say a lot of it is age but I really don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff) and I take better care of myself. I do have much more involvement with my kids this time around and much more appreciation for it. My day starts at 4am and ends at 9:30 if I'm lucky--living the dream.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Originally Posted by alphaomega
I'm finding my ability to "cope" with my current life situations is becoming less and less. I'm hanging on by my fingernails.
I have decided to finally start the Lexapro (got the script in July).
I have exhausted all my options. The anxiety and depression are crushing.
I'm done fighting on my own. Calling in the big guns.
I have decided to finally start the Lexapro (got the script in July).
I have exhausted all my options. The anxiety and depression are crushing.
I'm done fighting on my own. Calling in the big guns.
People have been suggesting psychiatric treatment for me since I was 17, maybe earlier. Instead I self medicated. Eventually for various reasons and in multiple ways that became unmanageable.
I stopped drinking for more than a year, all of 2012. Other than the fact that my mother died when I had 80 days, I think my first six months were pretty typical of someone with as many years of daily drinking as I had. But starting around 6 months, the fog lifted enough for me to perceive what seemed like longer and longer and increasingly distressing periods of what I call "bad thinking." Mental confusion, negativity, morbid perseverations, anxiety, occasional spikes of nervous energy and so on.
I ended up seeing someone for psych-meds, but not until after I'd relapsed. I hated my relapse, it was very nasty, and I wish I'd avoided it. But it took something nasty for me to admit that I need medical help. I could probably live med-free as a bruja, but not as a NYC professional. More importantly, I don't want to live that way anymore, alternately drooling in bed for days on end and wanting to pry out my own eyeballs with a kitchen knife. It isn't any fun.
I commend you for recognizing when what you can do alone isn't enough. Learning how to ask for appropriate help has been a big part of my experience this year. Meds are not a solution to life's problems by any means, or even to problems of character and personality, but they can make room for you to build mental order.
PS Some people are anti-meds as part of recovery because, as goes the simple form of the argument, how can you recover from depending on a substance by using a substance? I personally don't have and never have had anything against medicating. I've always known I needed medication. I just thought that I could prescribe and mix my own.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by courage2
I can't remember if you know this part of my story or not, AO, so I'll give a version here.
People have been suggesting psychiatric treatment for me since I was 17, maybe earlier. Instead I self medicated. Eventually for various reasons and in multiple ways that became unmanageable.
I stopped drinking for more than a year, all of 2012. Other than the fact that my mother died when I had 80 days, I think my first six months were pretty typical of someone with as many years of daily drinking as I had. But starting around 6 months, the fog lifted enough for me to perceive what seemed like longer and longer and increasingly distressing periods of what I call "bad thinking." Mental confusion, negativity, morbid perseverations, anxiety, occasional spikes of nervous energy and so on.
I ended up seeing someone for psych-meds, but not until after I'd relapsed. I hated my relapse, it was very nasty, and I wish I'd avoided it. But it took something nasty for me to admit that I need medical help. I could probably live med-free as a bruja, but not as a NYC professional. More importantly, I don't want to live that way anymore, alternately drooling in bed for days on end and wanting to pry out my own eyeballs with a kitchen knife. It isn't any fun.
I commend you for recognizing when what you can do alone isn't enough. Learning how to ask for appropriate help has been a big part of my experience this year. Meds are not a solution to life's problems by any means, or even to problems of character and personality, but they can make room for you to build mental order.
PS Some people are anti-meds as part of recovery because, as goes the simple form of the argument, how can you recover from depending on a substance by using a substance? I personally don't have and never have had anything against medicating. I've always known I needed medication. I just thought that I could prescribe and mix my own.
People have been suggesting psychiatric treatment for me since I was 17, maybe earlier. Instead I self medicated. Eventually for various reasons and in multiple ways that became unmanageable.
I stopped drinking for more than a year, all of 2012. Other than the fact that my mother died when I had 80 days, I think my first six months were pretty typical of someone with as many years of daily drinking as I had. But starting around 6 months, the fog lifted enough for me to perceive what seemed like longer and longer and increasingly distressing periods of what I call "bad thinking." Mental confusion, negativity, morbid perseverations, anxiety, occasional spikes of nervous energy and so on.
I ended up seeing someone for psych-meds, but not until after I'd relapsed. I hated my relapse, it was very nasty, and I wish I'd avoided it. But it took something nasty for me to admit that I need medical help. I could probably live med-free as a bruja, but not as a NYC professional. More importantly, I don't want to live that way anymore, alternately drooling in bed for days on end and wanting to pry out my own eyeballs with a kitchen knife. It isn't any fun.
I commend you for recognizing when what you can do alone isn't enough. Learning how to ask for appropriate help has been a big part of my experience this year. Meds are not a solution to life's problems by any means, or even to problems of character and personality, but they can make room for you to build mental order.
PS Some people are anti-meds as part of recovery because, as goes the simple form of the argument, how can you recover from depending on a substance by using a substance? I personally don't have and never have had anything against medicating. I've always known I needed medication. I just thought that I could prescribe and mix my own.
This year, is proving to be more than I can handle on my own. I have tried all the natural methods, for decades. This is me throwing my hands up. I'm done.
Fortunately, alcohol holds zero appeal to me at the present. Why that is, I am at a loss to understand. I should be wanting to drink like its my job. But the concoctions that used to numb me, now just frighten me. It's as if I have no where else to turn.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Originally Posted by alphaomega
This is me throwing my hands up. I'm done.
Sometimes I feel like I do nothing anymore but stand in the middle of the buslane of life, throw up my hands & let the buses roll right over me. It gives me a charge.
Off topic -- Because of that inept metaphor and your userprofile, I have to ask you do you know the #6 Jeffrey Love Bus?
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by courage2
Yay!
Sometimes I feel like I do nothing anymore but stand in the middle of the buslane of life, throw up my hands & let the buses roll right over me. It gives me a charge.
Off topic -- Because of that inept metaphor and your userprofile, I have to ask you do you know the #6 Jeffrey Love Bus?
Sometimes I feel like I do nothing anymore but stand in the middle of the buslane of life, throw up my hands & let the buses roll right over me. It gives me a charge.
Off topic -- Because of that inept metaphor and your userprofile, I have to ask you do you know the #6 Jeffrey Love Bus?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
the old #6 Jeffrey Express bus that was, definitively, The Love Bus. The driver even had a little sign right up the front, and would send his passengers off by saying "thank you for riding the Love Bus, now go out and spread a little love." ...around 1990 or so, when the #6 was the main lifeline between the University of Chicago and downtown.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Some AA old timers don't I known rarely tell newcomers this, but one guy who just celebrated 33 years confided in me the following when I reached my fourth sober anniversary:
At five years, you'll hear this incredible sucking sound followed by a loud, huge pop -- that's your head coming out of your ass. And he said for him and for others like him -- after decades of use and abuse -- the five-year mark was when he finally leveled out, could actually reflect back over the years and measure progress, compare the third year to the second year and see discernible differences.
Crude, I know, but I've actually read some credible articles that talk of the five-year mark as a pivot point of sorts, a time when the brain finally heals after decades of drug and alcohol abuse.
I was a benzo-booze hound and my first year was wretchedly wicked what with hammering depression and protracted physical withdrawals, but, as Dee and others said, the two-year mark enabled to be reflect on progress.
I'm sure there are those that are peachy after a few months, but for me it has been a long, slow trip.
I've got six months to go for that loud popping sound.
At five years, you'll hear this incredible sucking sound followed by a loud, huge pop -- that's your head coming out of your ass. And he said for him and for others like him -- after decades of use and abuse -- the five-year mark was when he finally leveled out, could actually reflect back over the years and measure progress, compare the third year to the second year and see discernible differences.
Crude, I know, but I've actually read some credible articles that talk of the five-year mark as a pivot point of sorts, a time when the brain finally heals after decades of drug and alcohol abuse.
I was a benzo-booze hound and my first year was wretchedly wicked what with hammering depression and protracted physical withdrawals, but, as Dee and others said, the two-year mark enabled to be reflect on progress.
I'm sure there are those that are peachy after a few months, but for me it has been a long, slow trip.
I've got six months to go for that loud popping sound.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Eastpointe,Michigan
Posts: 278
One day at a time
I am not going to talk about time, except to mention I will only have 2 years May 18th.
I can tell you that it has gotten better. When I humbly got on my knees and asked God to remove the craving to drink, and really meant it, It was gone. I have not had a desire for a drink since. Maybe tomorrow I will, but I am living one day at a time. 'Success is not a destination but it is a journey'. Enjoy the journey.
peace-Jonathan
I can tell you that it has gotten better. When I humbly got on my knees and asked God to remove the craving to drink, and really meant it, It was gone. I have not had a desire for a drink since. Maybe tomorrow I will, but I am living one day at a time. 'Success is not a destination but it is a journey'. Enjoy the journey.
peace-Jonathan
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
