Originally Posted by Serenidad

I'm posting this so it can be a record that I can refer back to when my AV gets really loud and tries to convince me that I am NOT an alcoholic (which it does sometimes). I'm NOT trying to convince myself of anything right this second. (thank goodness!) I am just creating another tool in my tool box. My disease tried to convince me I wasn't an alcoholic a year ago and I relapsed after over 5.5 years! I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN! I am happy that I have a few days of sobriety under my belt now and am really working to save my life.

FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR REASONS (why you know YOU'RE an alcoholic) TO THIS POST. I would LOVE to hear them because there are probably things I didn't think of. haha. Even though I listed 70 things. :

1. I drink when I am disapointed, under pressure, angry or have a conflict with someone.
So did I
2. I can drink much more than most people and much more than I used to without getting drunk.
Not me
3. I have had trouble remembering parts of a night of drinking. (blackouts)
Not me
4. I drink BEFORE I go out with friends/family to drink so they don't know how much I actually drank.
Not me
5. I feel guilt and shame about my drinking.
So did I
6. I have had family complain about my drinking in the past (specifically my husband)
Not me
7. I often want to keep drinking after my husband or friends have had enough and want to go home.
N/A
8. I often regret things I said or did while drinking.
Not me (explanation I drank in isolation)
9. I have failed to keep promises I made to quit or cut down on drinking.
Not me
10. I have had DUIs and other trouble with police while drunk. Even with DUIs I have driven drunk again. UGH! Another DUI is a FELONY!!!
Not me
11. I try to avoid family and close friends while I am drinking or have been drinking. (I hide it)
So did I
12. I am having financial, work and family problems because of my drinking.
Not me
13. I do not eat before I drink because it will make it harder to get a buzz or drunk.
So did I
14. I have very recently noticed I can't really drink as much as I used to.
n/a
15. I have gone to people for help with my drinking.
So did I and I am grateful I did
16. I feel very depressed and anxious before, after and during drinking (almost suicidal after!)
So did I
17. I have blood relatives who are alcoholics.
So do I
18. Once I start drinking I don't want to stop until I am buzzed, drunk, passed out, vomiting or forced to stop most of time.
So did I
19. I miss important events and time with my kids, husband, family and friends to drink ALONE.
So did I
20. Even though I don't and have never drank daily (YET), I am still an alcoholic because it's the EFFECTS of my drinking that define a problem. My drinking is causing problems in my home and work life and that's what defines alcoholism for me.
AMEN
21. Just because I am a high functioning alcoholic and have a house, car, job, some money etc. doesn't mean I am not an alcoholic. Overtime I will lose all the things I have, including my life.
AMEN That was a big motivator for me, that and the suicidal thoughts.
22. Alcohol is a drug and alcohol is every bit as damaging as a drug addiction. Alcohol addiction causes changes and MAJOR DAMAGE to the body and brain, and long-term alcohol abuse can have devasting effects on my health, career and relationships.
amen
23. I lie to others constantly to drink or about my drinking.
I was going to say no but I did by hiding and being extremely secretive. The outside did not match the inside and what was going on being closed door. The dissociation was really sick and crazy. Talk about facade.
24. I neglect my responsiblities at home, work etc. because of drinking.
Not me
25. I have horrible hangovers, swear off alcohol forever and then do it all over again.
So did I
26. I have consumed alcohol on medications that cleary state not to mix with alcohol...risking my life.
Not me
27. I have been to the hospital a few times because of injuries sustained while drunk. One injury could have been fatal!
Not me
28. I have a very high alcohol tolerance which is NOT normal in non-alcoholics.
Not me
29. A few days after I stop drinking I have major anxiety, sweating, nausea, headaches, insomnia, depression, fatigue, irritablity etc.
So did I
30. I drink even when I intended not to.
So did I
31. I have MAJOR cravings! (a strong need or urge to drink and a loss of control) Like a craving or hunger for food or water! It's like my body NEEDS it and is screaming for it!
So did I when I was drinking but since I quit, my AV is quiet mostly
32. I wanted to quit but couldn't go more that a few days.
Not me did not even attempt it. I am a do or don't kind of gal.
33. I have given up other activities because of drinking...activities that I once loved!
So did I
34. I spend very little quality time with my family because of drinking.
So did I
35. I don't have many friends when I am drinking.
So did I Isolation was a huge thing for me. I d turn off the phones, computer etc.
36. I spend a lot of time drinking, thinking about it or recovering from its effects. I have few if any interests that don't revolve around drinking.
Not me
37. I drink even though I know alcohol causes 99.9% of the problems and misery in my life.
Not me anymore but so did I
38. When I want to drink I often down-play the negative consequences of my drinking.
YES AND THIS IS WHY I AM REPOSTING THIS!!!!
39. I often blame my drinking on others.
Not me
40. Signs of alcoholism include drinking more than 12 drinks a week. I drink 12 drinks every time I drink (in one sitting).
Not me and this contradict your OP on this thread.
41. I drink a lone
So did I
42. I started drinking in my teens which increases my risk of alcoholism ten fold.
Not me
43. We have alcoholism in our family which greatly increases my risk.
Same here
44. I have an anxiety disorder which is another huge risk factor.
Not me
45. I have suffered trauma in my life, including abuse etc. which is another huge risk factor.
Same here
46. My goals and ambitions have greatly diminished since I started drinking again.
Not me
47. I have gained 30 pounds since I started drinking again.
God, I did not but only because I practiced bulimic behaviors while drinking. Sick Stuff
48. I crave drinks at a certain time of day.
Same here
49. I drink to escape problems or worries in my life.
So did I
50. I turn into a different person when I drink...often an angry one. I have been kicked out or banned from pubs because of this.
Both Not me and So did I I never got angry or been kicked out but I became very introverted and suicidal.
51. I have switched drinks to try to get more drunk or a better buzz.
I relapsed on beer because hard liquor had made me so sick in 2001 so slightly different but same crap
52. I envy and don't understand how people can only drink one or two drinks and leave it on the table.
Not me. Never felt envy toward normies
53. Doctors say that if I have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse...never better. Eventually I will die or end up in jail or an institution. My only hope is to stop drinking.
Got very sick in 2001
54. Non-alcoholics don't have blackouts.
No blackouts here but agree.
55. I KNOW that my life would be much better if I did not drink.
Same here
56. Alcohol makes me feel trapped and hopeless.
Same here
57. Alcohol makes it difficult to look at myself in the mirror.
Same here
58. I don't want to live to drink or drink to live anymore.
Same here
59. My drinking has hurt my reputation and made me paranoid.
Not me on rep but yes on paranoia
60. We have lots of credit card debt because of my drinking.
No debt but I am amazed I managed to afford it!
61. Drinking makes me careless.
Not me made me over careful and paranoid >the other side<
62. Drinking is jeapardizing my job.
Not me but it would have sooner or later
63. I have hidden alcohol in the past.
So did I, Queen of hiding and secrets here
64. I drink to help my depression and anxiety but alcohol CAUSES depression and anxiety!
So did I
65. The 4 key traits of alcoholism are: (I have all 4)
a. craving-a strong need to drink yes
b. loss of control-the inability to limit drinking yes
c. tolerance-the need for ever-increasing amounts of alcohol in order to feel it's effects.no
d. withdrawal-physical symptoms that occur when alcohol use is stopped after a period of drinkingno
66. my entire body hurts after a night of drinking and my liver area is starting to hurt too.
Hangovers sucks. I ve had them
67. I often vomit after a night of drinking to get rid of the poison.
So did I or so I could drink some more and not gain weigh
68. The room spins sometimes after a night of drinking.
Same here
69. I hate myself after a night of drinking.
So did I
70. Drinking is a form of self-inflicted pain and almost like a "slow suicide". I hate alcohol!
AMEN

NOW OFF TO THE SOLUTION THROUGH ACTION....an AA meeting and to meet my sponsor at another one tonight!

Originally Posted by ScottFromWI

Actually it doesn't matter. Your AV is trying to tell you that it does but it doesn't. Are you hungry or tired? Are you in need of calling your sponsor or a number? Look at what you need to do to stay sober right now.

Originally Posted by Cecilia44

YES! I drink just like you do Serenidad, and I am an alcoholic. I keep following your story on here because we drink the same way. I can go without liquor pretty easy, for about 2 days, 3 days, maybe even 5 or so, and then when I drink I "limit" my drinking (usually), to about 9 drinks (what I set as a reasonable? limit for myself). I only drink in the evenings, never in the mornings (really never have), I have never gone on several day binges and you will even find a post on here about me believing my drinking "isn't that bad." When you sit back and compare yourself to others, it is a dangerous thing. Sure, my drinking isn't "out of control" (yet), I don't drink and drive and unlike you, I don't drink to blackout stage. But, I am an alcoholic. I cannot always control my drinking and quite frankly, drinking 9 drinks in a matter of 3 or 4 hours for a 120 pound woman is not normal and it can be life threatening. I would suggest stop comparing yourself to others. You may not be there ... yet and maybe you never will be, but drinking a boatload of alcohol in such a short time frame is far from "normal." Hope I helped in some way.

Originally Posted by Cecilia44

And to further add, there isn't that much difference you know, between binge drinkers and 24/7 drinkers. Us binge drinkers are just shoveling it all down our throat at once, so it is probably easier for us to go several days without liquor because we have so much in our system already from our binges, that our bodies don't really crave anymore until a few days later. Whereas a 24/7 drinker might not drink as much on a day to day basis, but needs it everyday because they didn't just pour 9 ... 12 drinks down their throat in 4 hours. Actually, binge drinking is probably more dangerous out of the two. Like I said, it can be life threatening.

Originally Posted by Cecilia44

Serenidad, you said: Sometimes drinking 3-4 drinks, sometimes 12? A 2-5 hour binge ... So let me take the average here and say, about 7 drinks. Now ask yourself this (I did the same thing), would you drink 7 cups of coffee in 2 to 5 hours? What about soda? Would you drink 7 cans of diet Coke in 2 to 5 hours? How about even water? Would you be able to down that many glasses of water in 2 to 5 hours? Would you want to? Now ask yourself if maybe there isn't something wrong with how you drink alcohol ....

Originally Posted by strategery

Serenidad-I have read your posts for a long time and consider you to be a friend, so I hope this doesn't come off too blunt. One of the things I feel you struggle with, is identifying that you are an alcoholic. It seems you want to look for differences versus similarities in terms of your drinking. I think there is a part of you that thinks that because you weren't an every day drinker, or x, or y or z, that you aren't an alcoholic. Until you get past that, AV is going to use that against you every, single time. I think that is why you struggle with this particular aspect and why it matters to you. I think there is a part of you that thinks you can drink again since you weren't as bad as this person or that person. The key thing was that alcohol was causing you problems in your life.

Originally Posted by soberwolf

No matter what dont drink you know what happens when you do you know what happens when you dont Good luck Serenidad

Originally Posted by Serenidad

So my disease (the evil BEAST) keeps messing with my head lately! It keeps saying "Serenidad, you never drank in the mornings, you never drank every day, you never went on 2-3 day binges, you WERE able to stop drinking after 4 or 5 drinks on several occasions!"

Obviously there were several times I drank into a blackout or had major consequences over the past 20 years but I can't relate to the 24/7 drinker.

What the heck??? My disease is literally trying to convince me that I'm not an alcoholic...!!! :-(

I think the problem is, I've been going to lots of AA meetings lately and almost all of those people DID drink all day, every day, 24/7. Even people here on SR drank that way.

I KNOW I have a problem with alcohol & never what to touch the sh-t again but do I have the disease??? Many of you are problem saying to yourselves "why does it matter??? You want to quit!" I don't know why it matters, it just does.

Did anyone on here drink the way I did? A 2-5 hour binge every 2-3 days? Sometimes drinking 3-4 drinks, sometimes 12? And many most times it WAS alone. I'm sorry. I just want to shut my AV up!!!

Originally Posted by soberlicious

It matters only to your Beast. "Am I?" or "Am I not?" is one of those questions that can create a huge distraction for the mind. That's on purpose. It allows the AV the opportunity to distract you so that the Beast can get back in the driver's seat. Don't fall for that. Separate from that white noise. It is not YOU. It is part of your brain that has but ONE goal: to drink. That is not YOUR goal, that's ITs goal. Look at those thoughts as "not you" and dismiss them. YOU have the hands. YOU are the only one who can open a bottle and drink it.

Originally Posted by Anna

Serenidad, it doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter. Call it what you want, or not. It doesn't matter. Drinking is causing problems in your life. Do you want to stop drinking?

Originally Posted by Jen73

When I thought I wasn't a alcoholic, I would only drink once a week, I attend to drink one day a week , but the only thing about that I would start at 1pm or late in the evening to drink and drink until I couldn't drink no more. Sometimes, I would plan it out and drive to the store to get some more when I was pretty busy. Most of the time when I go out to get liquor the 2nd time I don't go out again. When I have blackouts, I don't remember crap the next day. When there are people around, they would tell me stories about it. I really hate that, cause I would always tell them they making this crap up.When I drink I did it alone too. Kind of got really lonely!! Just letting you know, Your not alone many of us relates to your post and are whiling to help you et through this bumpy road....

Originally Posted by doggonecarl

So you don't think you have the "disease" of alcoholism. Yet you want to quit. But instead of telling yourself, "Quitting should be easy, since I'm not an alcoholic," you tell yourself, "I don't have the disease, so I should be able to drink." Disease? I don't know. Disorder? Maybe. Mental obsession? Absolutely.

Originally Posted by SleepyDots

Think about it this way - no matter how much you do or don't drink, if it feels so difficult to walk away from it entirely, it likely indicates a problem, yes?

Originally Posted by AnvilheadII

you are trying to find the way to rationalize that you are DIFFERENT than everyone else, that you didn't drink the same, that EVERYONE else had it worse and therefore....if you aren't careful, within a few days, you'll be testing that theory by DRINKING again. it's your pattern. you were all gung ho there at first, about 10 days ago, hit three meetings in one day, got a sponsor, and it was going to be clear skies and smooth sailing. babe, this is for life. each and every day. I don't care if you call yourself a grapefruit, you and alcohol are incompatible. bad things happen. you can NOT control your drinking. your drinking controls you. I never drank every day. I never had to have a drink first thing. I didn't do this, I didn't do that........but I couldn't NOT drink either. when I drank one of two things would happen - i'd drink so much i'd be locked in the bathroom for HOURS getting sick (toilets make such nice pillows, don't they?) or drink to a black out, DRIVE, and some how manage to get home in one piece. I should have either puked up my spleen or died wrapped around a pole somewhere. if bad sh!t happens when you drink, then you qualify. so get over yourself grapefruit, go to a meeting and listen for the similarities....listen to the solution.

Originally Posted by Carlotta

I found a post you made some time ago and I did something that is not AA like, I compared (and identified too). Seems that according to your AV you are more of an alcoholic than I am and I AM an alcoholic Anyway, my feedback is in bold I truly hope it helps. You AV is a freaking liar and you can and deserve to lead a good sober life. # 38 was a really good one!