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Old 01-31-2015, 09:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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24 hours sober


I went about 4 months sober. Then I figured I could go back to moderate drinking. I went to AA meetings but stopped when I tried drinking moderately. Today I truely surrendered, I met my Sponser and I'm committed to this. My wife is divorcing me. I feel deep down that she may come around, but she's given me so many chances. I got drunk several days in a row when she was away on business. I'm not going to rationalize like I have in the past (I didn't get a DUI, I still have a job, etc) none of that matters, alcohol is too unpredictable for me.

I'm feeling extreme anxiety, and every time I think about the divorce the terror doubles. I'm going to take some bynadryl to sleep and maybe feel ok. My Sponser said to take it easy, go to bed sober. I'm so tired but can't sleep. I have physical and mental anguish. My BP is really high, I keep having palpitations. I was a binge drinker Not an every day drinker So I don't need the hospital. I'm not shaking or anything. I'm just in a living hell, but at least I'm in bed. And sober.
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Old 01-31-2015, 10:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your marriage but, no matter what happens, the best thing you can do now is stay sober for good.

I'm glad you're back gardennerd.

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Old 01-31-2015, 10:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yes. That's what my Sponser said too. I'm glad I'm back.
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Old 01-31-2015, 10:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Gardennerd, I'm glad that you came to realize what you have before it was too late. I had to learn the hard way too that one drink turns me into someone who forgets every promise he ever made to himself or others.

Having a sponsor and doing the work kept me sober today. I suggest that you stay close to your program even when you feel more confident in your sobriety. For me, drifting from my program leads me into selfish thinking and giving in to my resentments.
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Made it through the night. Very restless with little sleep. I woke probably every 20 minutes. Feeling of panic and hopelessness. I don't want to drink though. I just want my life back. I feel like a zombie. I wish I could sleep. Glad this board is here. I'm just laying in bed. I want to talk to my wife about the divorce, but my brain is not all there. I'm glad it's Sunday so I can lay here. I managed to get some cereal down. I'm going to check in with my Sponser later.
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Good job. You can get your life back, a new better life. Just concentrate on getting well. I understand anxiety. I have trouble sleeping. I have no desire to drink like I did. Just stay strong and things will fall into place. You just gotta heal up.
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome, Gardennerd, to SR. Very sorry to hear about your marriage.

Only time will tell if the divorce proceedings can be reversed. It would seem that the chances are exponentially better - not just for your marriage but for your life, your future - if you achieve and maintain sobriety - forever.

Glad you found SR. It is here for you 24/7/365.
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:39 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome GardenNerd nice to meet you
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I know that restlessness and anxiety well. I have spent many nights staring at the ceiling or pacing about my apartment. It's hard to distinguish between real things to worry about and obsessive worry about invented problems the mind can come up with after a drinking binge. Although sober, I still struggle with insomnia and anxiety.

I guess if we stay sober long enough the clouds will lift. I drank away a decade of my life. I suppose it won't be magical right away again. The brain is healing itself as long as we stop poisoning it, we should improve
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Old 02-01-2015, 11:02 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome back Gardennerd!!
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Old 02-02-2015, 06:51 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Day 3. I got about 5 hours of good sleep last night, then restlessness but ok. I'm going to work today. Maybe a meeting after. I really want to stay in bed and try to sleep though, maybe I'll do a 1/2 day and come home early. I gotta get my head straight.
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Old 02-02-2015, 06:56 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Good job on 3 days, Gardennerd. Be gentle with yourself; you are healing.
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Old 02-02-2015, 02:37 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I feel a bit better, until I think about the impending divorce. I haven't gotten any papers, but she really seems serious. Just when panic goes away and I feel almost decent, the loss of wife, house, cats too, kills me. I never thought I'd love a cat until we started dating and she had a kitten. but that stupid Super Bowl commercial for Budweiser with the dog came on and I started balling. I hate not being in control of my emotions, another withdrawl thing.
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Old 02-02-2015, 02:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Its gets better GardenNerd hang in there bud
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