A Different Perspective
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
"So the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection."
When I was in high school in the 70's I wrote a persuasive essay arguing the solution to the drug "problem" was not about addressing the supply, but the demand. From economics lessons I learned that without demand production and distribution would decrease. So, the question I posited was what is it about people or society that motivates us to want to change the way they feel or perhaps even their consciousness.
If connection is at the root, we have a challenge. Most users start young. Most youngsters who use are first motivated by a desire to connect with other peers many of whom happen to use. Ask a high school kid why it's so hard to quit and they will likely tell you they don't want to lose their friends. To make it worse, many who fall into this trap in the first ace have suffered loss or abandonment.
At the time I blamed it on the stress of school and the alienation of feeling like a number in a huge suburban high school. I don't think I was far off. The question for us is about recovery. The question for them, and I wonder how they are approaching this in Portugal, is prevention.
When I was in high school in the 70's I wrote a persuasive essay arguing the solution to the drug "problem" was not about addressing the supply, but the demand. From economics lessons I learned that without demand production and distribution would decrease. So, the question I posited was what is it about people or society that motivates us to want to change the way they feel or perhaps even their consciousness.
If connection is at the root, we have a challenge. Most users start young. Most youngsters who use are first motivated by a desire to connect with other peers many of whom happen to use. Ask a high school kid why it's so hard to quit and they will likely tell you they don't want to lose their friends. To make it worse, many who fall into this trap in the first ace have suffered loss or abandonment.
At the time I blamed it on the stress of school and the alienation of feeling like a number in a huge suburban high school. I don't think I was far off. The question for us is about recovery. The question for them, and I wonder how they are approaching this in Portugal, is prevention.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by jaynie04 
Thank you endgame, it was a thought provoking article. I think the issue of causation/correlation is still murky though.
Something that I have wondered about is whether or not I have masqueraded as an extrovert my whole life. I believe I often used alcohol as an escape route in social settings that I would have preferred not to be in. I built a life around being social, yet when I looked at my calendar the parts I looked forward to were being alone.
I worked with an excellent therapist over the years. She taught me to honor the parts of myself that needed solitude to recharge. I also began to realize that most societies place a value on being social or connected. Being an extrovert carries a premium. Almost immediately when someone commits a horrible act you will hear the word loner used to describe them.
So think about it. A lot of us here are introverts (and a lot of us are introverts with pets). A lot of us have likely absorbed the social cues that somehow being social is better, more normal, more valued. I wonder how many others there are like me who begin to use alcohol because they have painted themselves into a corner by unwittingly creating relationships predicated on something they are not?
My need for solitude feels visceral. Somehow people assume because I don't seek connection readily that I am somehow aloof. I think a lot of this very basic programming resulted from trauma as a child. For years I took the bait. Party girl. I spent a decade on a NY trading floor elbow to elbow with people as far as I could see. My mailbox and answering machine were always full, I was always responding, I rarely initiated. Introversion does not necessarily mean shy, so I can see how it would be confusing that someone who enjoys solitude can still display a strong character in social settings. But the introversion was always there…the sports I chose, the apartments I lived in, the relationships I made…they have always been oriented towards giving me space.
So I have found that getting sober actually has necessitated my respect for my introversion. I see it as a calm, building period. Maybe it could be labeled isolation. But I am specific about who I spend time with, to me that is being authentic and I find that to be crucial to my sobriety. I have also made it a point to be more vocal to my loved ones about the fact that my need for privacy doesn't mean I don't love them.
I don't know, perhaps it is a byproduct of aging but social events don't hold much allure for me anymore. Geez Louise, sorry, didn't mean to write novel but curious to see others depiction of isolation versus introversion.
Something that I have wondered about is whether or not I have masqueraded as an extrovert my whole life. I believe I often used alcohol as an escape route in social settings that I would have preferred not to be in. I built a life around being social, yet when I looked at my calendar the parts I looked forward to were being alone.
I worked with an excellent therapist over the years. She taught me to honor the parts of myself that needed solitude to recharge. I also began to realize that most societies place a value on being social or connected. Being an extrovert carries a premium. Almost immediately when someone commits a horrible act you will hear the word loner used to describe them.
So think about it. A lot of us here are introverts (and a lot of us are introverts with pets). A lot of us have likely absorbed the social cues that somehow being social is better, more normal, more valued. I wonder how many others there are like me who begin to use alcohol because they have painted themselves into a corner by unwittingly creating relationships predicated on something they are not?
My need for solitude feels visceral. Somehow people assume because I don't seek connection readily that I am somehow aloof. I think a lot of this very basic programming resulted from trauma as a child. For years I took the bait. Party girl. I spent a decade on a NY trading floor elbow to elbow with people as far as I could see. My mailbox and answering machine were always full, I was always responding, I rarely initiated. Introversion does not necessarily mean shy, so I can see how it would be confusing that someone who enjoys solitude can still display a strong character in social settings. But the introversion was always there…the sports I chose, the apartments I lived in, the relationships I made…they have always been oriented towards giving me space.
So I have found that getting sober actually has necessitated my respect for my introversion. I see it as a calm, building period. Maybe it could be labeled isolation. But I am specific about who I spend time with, to me that is being authentic and I find that to be crucial to my sobriety. I have also made it a point to be more vocal to my loved ones about the fact that my need for privacy doesn't mean I don't love them.
I don't know, perhaps it is a byproduct of aging but social events don't hold much allure for me anymore. Geez Louise, sorry, didn't mean to write novel but curious to see others depiction of isolation versus introversion.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I want to add something here that I don't think has been mentioned. I found the article really interesting and found it to resonate a lot with my experience. Same with a lot of the comments so far.
But here's the darker side; ever since I read this article I've found myself having thoughts here and there along the lines of 'well.... maybe THAT's been the real problem all along!! Maybe all the moving around I've done in life and the trauma as a child and the shame and guilt I've carried and whatnot have simply left me ISOLATED.. maybe it was just connection I was seeking. Maybe now that I'm building COMMUNITY I will be like the rat pack rats and I will be able to go back to drinking like a normal rat!!!'.
Now thankfully I'm not going to act on that. I'm following through on that logic with questions back at myself about why I would even want to. I'm looking at the goodness blooming in my life and the way that I feel and the life that I am actually, consciously, fully LIVING and I'm reminding myself of how much better that is than the enslaved, dulled, numbed-out haze of isolation and self-loathing that alcohol brought me.
I'm not going to do it.
But I have had a lot of those bubbling thoughts about that article. That damn, simple article.
I think what it leaves out is that we are not rats. We are humans, and while isolation surely plays a huge part in our addictions, so does physical urge and so does.... something else. Perhaps it is the notion of the bond we've formed.... the bond with the addict within. Our 'friend' who will ride out any storm with us.... just us and our bottle or pipe or bindle or whatever our poison.
I think this was an interesting article and it's interesting research but agree it's not a black-or-white thing. I don't think we can simply say to ourselves; 'well heck... I just need more friends and I'll be right back to drinking like a normal person would'.... which the article doesn't say but certainly the alcoholic / addict in me got that subtext loud and clear.
So in summary; I'm going to be careful when I read about addiction research, because no matter what the studies seem to say - I know what my own longitudinal study of personal experience has taught me.
But here's the darker side; ever since I read this article I've found myself having thoughts here and there along the lines of 'well.... maybe THAT's been the real problem all along!! Maybe all the moving around I've done in life and the trauma as a child and the shame and guilt I've carried and whatnot have simply left me ISOLATED.. maybe it was just connection I was seeking. Maybe now that I'm building COMMUNITY I will be like the rat pack rats and I will be able to go back to drinking like a normal rat!!!'.
Now thankfully I'm not going to act on that. I'm following through on that logic with questions back at myself about why I would even want to. I'm looking at the goodness blooming in my life and the way that I feel and the life that I am actually, consciously, fully LIVING and I'm reminding myself of how much better that is than the enslaved, dulled, numbed-out haze of isolation and self-loathing that alcohol brought me.
I'm not going to do it.
But I have had a lot of those bubbling thoughts about that article. That damn, simple article.
I think what it leaves out is that we are not rats. We are humans, and while isolation surely plays a huge part in our addictions, so does physical urge and so does.... something else. Perhaps it is the notion of the bond we've formed.... the bond with the addict within. Our 'friend' who will ride out any storm with us.... just us and our bottle or pipe or bindle or whatever our poison.
I think this was an interesting article and it's interesting research but agree it's not a black-or-white thing. I don't think we can simply say to ourselves; 'well heck... I just need more friends and I'll be right back to drinking like a normal person would'.... which the article doesn't say but certainly the alcoholic / addict in me got that subtext loud and clear.
So in summary; I'm going to be careful when I read about addiction research, because no matter what the studies seem to say - I know what my own longitudinal study of personal experience has taught me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yeah.... the phenomenon of 'isolated togetherness'.
we can be around a lot of people and never be bonded..... connection is deeper than standing around intoxicated with people who we never get to know beyond the game score, the shopping talk, the gossip and the same old bulls*** stories....
we can be around a lot of people and never be bonded..... connection is deeper than standing around intoxicated with people who we never get to know beyond the game score, the shopping talk, the gossip and the same old bulls*** stories....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Jaynie - yes yes yes. For me I need downtime to recharge my social batteries. However, I have learned I need some social connection. If I pull back too much I get despondent. So I'm still figuring out what that balance is. Thanks for your thoughtful post.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I've been going back and forth about commenting on this or not... Because this area is too close to what I do for living in my job: for example, we do those rat experiments routinely, and much more advanced versions. Also human recovery/relapse stuff.
But to say something relatively briefly: there really isn't anything new in what he discusses, that knowledge has been around for a good while now in the scientific community at least, but yeah some of it is perhaps not so well-known in the general public. I think it's good to raise attention. But there is stuff in his article that is definitely ignorant of known facts about addiction and/or he's pushing his version of "truth" for the attention... for example, suggesting that the biochemical changes induced by drugs do not play a crucial role in the development of addictions, and relapses. That is simply discarding the host of very straightforward evidence, not only available from laboratory research but also from the clinic, in relation to a great number of drugs. I have the feeling the author chose to discuss it this way to increase the sensational aspect of his article (and book) that he is advertising; I'm pretty sure he's well aware of the overwhelming amount of literature on this.
The importance of the social environment in both the development of addictions and the recovery from them is definitely an interesting area for research, also understanding how it works neurobiologically. There are definitely (at least) two sides of the social factor in it. Just think about how recreational drug use starts and develops for most people initially, in peer company. The next phase of addiction is when it becomes habitual, and this is where many people start to detach and focus on solely getting and using their DOC regardless of having company or not. And what often follows is the progression many of us know very well about serious isolation, damage to relationships, which in turn exacerbates the process. Yes, social isolation can lead to a variety of issues, including anxiety or depression -- all that contributes to the maintenance of active addiction and relapses. And it has to be broken in order for recovery to be sustainable, for most people (and laboratory rats). Btw, rats are some of the best creatures to study social behaviors, one reason why they are good models for this type of research. Some people actually love rats as pets for this very feature -- they get attached to other rats or even their human host somewhat similarly to dogs. Pet rat fans often suggest if you can't afford a dog, get a rat
Anyhow, so the importance of social connection and support in recovery, along with "making our lives better" (modeled by the "Rat Park" the author mentions, the field officially calls this "environmental enrichment") is of course crucial. There are many exciting lines of research investigating how this works, and as discussed on this thread, we humans have great individual differences in how we respond to social isolation/connection/support and how important it is for us. Actually, rats also have some amazing individual variability, similarly largely due to inherent genetic variation.
And speaking from my personal experience: I was a very introverted child and also more on that side in my whole adult life, but I've definitely become less introverted with time/age, and especially in sobriety. I think at least part of this development is due to my good experiences with relationships, both professional and personal. I am sure that for those that are habitually drawn to abusive or otherwise destructive relationships, this is not exactly straightforward. But the thing is, we humans as a species are biologically social creatures. Denying that nature completely is never really good for anyone. What I often think as an important part of self-discovery (can also be part of addiction recovery) is to explore how we each can use human social connections best, to our advantage. For example, I've learned about myself pretty young (in my late teens) that I like best and do best in one-on-one situations with people. This was quite easy for me... groups much more difficult. Really never had a large social circle and would not actually like that, it can be overwhelming for me. But having a few (at least one) close relationships have always been very important for me. And this was definitely a huge culprit in how my drinking escalated in the past, and especially during the last ~2 years before I quit. A lot of isolation, even when I was in relationships, I did not use them in a healthy way. This is something I've been working on a lot in sobriety, also still trying to figure out what I really want/need, and how to make it happen regarding social life.
Oh yeah, FreeOwl... I've had those dilemmas about moving around a lot also. For me it's complex, because it definitely introduces a factor of breaking relationships with each move, but there is also the excitement and enrichment coming from experiencing so many new things all the time. Interestingly, this is the point of my life now, for the first time, when I don't really feel like moving on anymore, I'm much more interested in expanding a life where I currently am. I'm certain part of it is aging.
Finally, I would add that we all have tremendous potential to be dynamic and open to changes and development, including in our human connections. The challenge is to find how to use this potential, how to make it happen in each phase of our lives and throughout.
But to say something relatively briefly: there really isn't anything new in what he discusses, that knowledge has been around for a good while now in the scientific community at least, but yeah some of it is perhaps not so well-known in the general public. I think it's good to raise attention. But there is stuff in his article that is definitely ignorant of known facts about addiction and/or he's pushing his version of "truth" for the attention... for example, suggesting that the biochemical changes induced by drugs do not play a crucial role in the development of addictions, and relapses. That is simply discarding the host of very straightforward evidence, not only available from laboratory research but also from the clinic, in relation to a great number of drugs. I have the feeling the author chose to discuss it this way to increase the sensational aspect of his article (and book) that he is advertising; I'm pretty sure he's well aware of the overwhelming amount of literature on this.
The importance of the social environment in both the development of addictions and the recovery from them is definitely an interesting area for research, also understanding how it works neurobiologically. There are definitely (at least) two sides of the social factor in it. Just think about how recreational drug use starts and develops for most people initially, in peer company. The next phase of addiction is when it becomes habitual, and this is where many people start to detach and focus on solely getting and using their DOC regardless of having company or not. And what often follows is the progression many of us know very well about serious isolation, damage to relationships, which in turn exacerbates the process. Yes, social isolation can lead to a variety of issues, including anxiety or depression -- all that contributes to the maintenance of active addiction and relapses. And it has to be broken in order for recovery to be sustainable, for most people (and laboratory rats). Btw, rats are some of the best creatures to study social behaviors, one reason why they are good models for this type of research. Some people actually love rats as pets for this very feature -- they get attached to other rats or even their human host somewhat similarly to dogs. Pet rat fans often suggest if you can't afford a dog, get a rat
Anyhow, so the importance of social connection and support in recovery, along with "making our lives better" (modeled by the "Rat Park" the author mentions, the field officially calls this "environmental enrichment") is of course crucial. There are many exciting lines of research investigating how this works, and as discussed on this thread, we humans have great individual differences in how we respond to social isolation/connection/support and how important it is for us. Actually, rats also have some amazing individual variability, similarly largely due to inherent genetic variation.
And speaking from my personal experience: I was a very introverted child and also more on that side in my whole adult life, but I've definitely become less introverted with time/age, and especially in sobriety. I think at least part of this development is due to my good experiences with relationships, both professional and personal. I am sure that for those that are habitually drawn to abusive or otherwise destructive relationships, this is not exactly straightforward. But the thing is, we humans as a species are biologically social creatures. Denying that nature completely is never really good for anyone. What I often think as an important part of self-discovery (can also be part of addiction recovery) is to explore how we each can use human social connections best, to our advantage. For example, I've learned about myself pretty young (in my late teens) that I like best and do best in one-on-one situations with people. This was quite easy for me... groups much more difficult. Really never had a large social circle and would not actually like that, it can be overwhelming for me. But having a few (at least one) close relationships have always been very important for me. And this was definitely a huge culprit in how my drinking escalated in the past, and especially during the last ~2 years before I quit. A lot of isolation, even when I was in relationships, I did not use them in a healthy way. This is something I've been working on a lot in sobriety, also still trying to figure out what I really want/need, and how to make it happen regarding social life.
Oh yeah, FreeOwl... I've had those dilemmas about moving around a lot also. For me it's complex, because it definitely introduces a factor of breaking relationships with each move, but there is also the excitement and enrichment coming from experiencing so many new things all the time. Interestingly, this is the point of my life now, for the first time, when I don't really feel like moving on anymore, I'm much more interested in expanding a life where I currently am. I'm certain part of it is aging.
Finally, I would add that we all have tremendous potential to be dynamic and open to changes and development, including in our human connections. The challenge is to find how to use this potential, how to make it happen in each phase of our lives and throughout.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 158
I don't think the article encapsulates everything about addiction. It has a positive message and some great ideas but it doesn't comprehensively explain addiction. I think that regardless of social stimuli, some people are still going to use based on intrinsic compulsive tendencies.
That said, what's proposed is better than what exists vis-a-vis drug treatment and incarceration for drug offenses. Also, I'm glad the author didn't slam 12-step programs. That would have been non-productive if she's trying to present a cogent solution.
That said, what's proposed is better than what exists vis-a-vis drug treatment and incarceration for drug offenses. Also, I'm glad the author didn't slam 12-step programs. That would have been non-productive if she's trying to present a cogent solution.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
This got me thinking about William Glasser's Choice theory and related psychological needs. He argues that behavior is motivated by certain needs, namely:
Physical: survival, shelter, food, water...
Psychological: love/belonging, power/achievement, fun, freedom
The article focuses on the first psychological need but ignores the others. And yes, addiction is more complicated when it comes to body chemistry.
Physical: survival, shelter, food, water...
Psychological: love/belonging, power/achievement, fun, freedom
The article focuses on the first psychological need but ignores the others. And yes, addiction is more complicated when it comes to body chemistry.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by zerothehero
This got me thinking about William Glasser's Choice theory and related psychological needs. He argues that behavior is motivated by certain needs, namely:
Physical: survival, shelter, food, water...
Psychological: love/belonging, power/achievement, fun, freedom
The article focuses on the first psychological need but ignores the others. And yes, addiction is more complicated when it comes to body chemistry.
Physical: survival, shelter, food, water...
Psychological: love/belonging, power/achievement, fun, freedom
The article focuses on the first psychological need but ignores the others. And yes, addiction is more complicated when it comes to body chemistry.
I think his claims are more interesting in the context of what causes that some people do develop an addiction when they use addictive drugs recreationally, and others do not. Why are some of us more vulnerable than others? This is definitely where our biological makeup interacts with all sorts of environmental factors (social is just one) and our life experience. The environmental factors can be both triggering (eg. stress, traumas, isolation, poverty, etc) and protective (the "Rat Park", a.k.a. positive, supportive, rich environment). The latter is how environmental manipulation has preventive potential -- I know Zero you will like this
And this is just how addiction develops, or does not develop. Recovery is the other side of the issue, with many similar processes, but as we know it's more challenging to restore all that damage once they are set, compared with never developing them in the first place. Also in the context of what you said, Zero: because our main need as addicts becomes drug use and drug seeking, and that powerfully overrides our natural, "normal" needs.
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