Vandermast

No you are its master

You can do it again

Beat the disease back into sumission with a bat...

V

Mikie9

I can't send you pm's. You are loved here so I understand not wanting to get bombarded lol

My pm was a simple question, what do you need? We all have base needs, and when unable to stop hurting ourselves, those needs aren't being met. The pm was more elegant, but again i understand you not wanting to get bombarded with pms.

Jsbodhi

Noooo! Remember all the documentaries we watched! You totally helped me stay sober!
Just keep going, we ALL know how you feel, we have to keep going and fighting. You're too good for alcohol to take you
Xoxo

matilda123

I cannot stop thinking about you tonight, Serenidad.

I know from your previous posts that there is a lot that you have on your plate that you are having to grapple with--lots of history, lots of abuse. I think that I have mentioned to you that I have gone through some trauma: a history of child abuse, sexual assault, and an abusive relationship. Drinking "helped" me cope with all of that. Until it didn't.Now it is the problem.And wouldn't you know, all that pain, all that history is still there.

You are an amazing human being. You are a person of value. Your value is intrinsic, whether you drink or not. I do believe that we can achieve our full potential only when we allow ourselves to be ourselves, and alcohol blocks that process. It is terrifying and painful to forego that crutch, but I do truly believe it is the key to moving forward.

Is inpatient treatment a possibility for you? It might be a good chance to get some comfort and counseling as you work towards your sobriety.

I do not know you, but for some reason I feel--strongly--that you will pull through this. I am praying to the universe for you and for your healing,.

Findingtheway

I've thought this way too. After falling back into destructive drinking the thoughts you describe ramp up to near unbearable levels ...

I'm a few weeks sober once more and I'm starting to think more clearly again.

Don't give up. You are not alone. And alcohol holds NOTHING for us now.

NOT a DAMN Thing. Cast it out, and slam the door on it. Don't allow it back in.

SDH73

It's YOUR life. Fight for it!

You can do this!

Buggirl

It will get easier! Keep pushing through!

Buggirl

So sorry you slipped back findingtheway! Hope you are doing ok?

Good advice!

Jsbodhi

Alcohol is not the master of anyone, not you or any of us.
Xoxo

Soberwolf

This

Nonsensical

At one time I was sure I would drink myself to death. I even purchased additional life and liability insurance to protect my family against the inevitability. I felt defeated, and I was ready to throw in the towel. It was a sad, scary, lonely place.

Change is possible.
Hope is reasonable.
Never ever ever ever give up.

Zebra1275

Alcohol is not my master. Yesterday I kicked it's butt. Today I'm going to try to do it again.

Nofearnobeer

Zebra , thanks for the chuckle.. lol , much needed , and true...

soberclover

I see that you live in wonderful New England....me too! There are many treatment places in the New England area who address the needs of those of us who are dealing not only with addiction but trauma or other mental health related issues. Many of these places are residential but there are also many Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOPs).

tomsteve

At one time it WAS my master,too.
Then I got into action.
Had to fight through the mental obsession.
I couldn't wear out the serenity prayer,couldnt go to too many meetings, and couldn't do too much to work on changing me.
And I had ceased fighting alcohol for sanity had returned.

But it tooK determination and work to get there.
And a crapload of trudging.
You can get there too if you keep fighting. It takes T.I.M.E.

Serenidad

Thank you for all the support everyone. I truly feel unworthy. I feel like a worthless piece of crap.

Most of you probably guessed I drank last night. I just don't get it! Nothing was wrong! I wasn't stressed, angry....I was cleaning my house and all of a sudden it's like a tidal wave just pulled me out the door to buy beer. I can't describe that feeling. It's just so powerful! It scares me!

So...I drank the beer and went to a bar and now I feel soooo sick and so full of shame, guilt and remorse. I am hurting my kids, my husband, myself, everyone! God help me! I truly want to stop! It's so painful! It's hell on earth.

I have been slacking on my recovery. Not going to AA as much and putting other things first. I can't do that anymore. Anything I put before my recovery I will lose. I'm just a mess!!! I have no faith in myself! I can't believe I relapsed after 5.5 years and am back in this hell again! Why did I drink again? Why?!? I guess it doesn't matter. I can't change the past.

I don't want to die and I don't want to live with this pain anymore. I truly don't know now to NOT let that tidal wave pull me out to drink! It's so strong!

Treatment is not an option financially. I wish it was!

Nofearnobeer

Serinidad....It was just a moment , that's all...That's all it ever will be was just a moment , in it's simplest form....5.5 years is awesome! now continue on to 6 years , 7 years , and beyond , and just forget about that moment....

And no , you are not crap , you are human....Enjoy being human , even when human includes making mistakes along the way....

Stay strong....

mns1

You're absolutely right Serenidad. You can't change the past. But the past does not have to be your present. It does not have to be your future. The fact that you keep coming back here tells me that you believe this to be true.

So start envisioning the future that you want. What are all of the positive changes that will occur when you conquer this? Write them down, draw pictures of them. Make them your obsession! And then do whatever you can with the resources you have to make those changes a reality.

Let go of yesterday, and embrace tomorrow. That starts with conquering today.

Get after it Serenidad!

growpath

That's it serindad. When that wave that is so powerful comes you have to get through that. Find what works. I know it's easier said than done but believe me if I can fight that wave you totally have the capability to do so also.

It's over don't beat yourself up. Onward and upward.

Besides SR what is your reach out support system?

Sometimes like I told u on Christmas you just gotta step outside take a deep breath and remember who u WANT to be. Obviously who you want to be can NOT exist with alcohol in the equation. My own desire to be sober lies directly in the above. Being the person I want and am suppose to be simply can not be with alcohol and being that person is more important than alcohol to me. Alcohol and all the damage it causes me physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally is enough if I stop when that wave comes and realize it's request to drink is absolutely absurd. It lies and we can overcome it.

Rooting for you. Keep trying. Even if ya gotta crawl for a couple days do that and then if you keep trying things will improve. Only rule for now is don't drink. Don't over analyze or make it more difficult than it is just don't drink. It's pretty simple really. You totally can do this!!!! Hugs.

growpath

...to add. I make it sound simple above lol but really look at it like this. Tell yourself you got this and repeat and stick really close to SR. Reach out. Ask for help. I messages a random long timer here and just asked how'd ya do it and that I admire you etc. the response was pretty immediate and reached my heart and still I use that as motivation. Love ya Hevyn

Serindad. You totally have the desire now let's get the willingness and you'll be unstoppable

Huge hug!!!!