Alcohol is my master
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 709
Lots of great advice here! There is nothing I can say to make you feel differently, Serenidad. I do know how you feel. I remember how awful and lost I felt after my last drinking bout. I NEVER want to feel that way again.
If you believe alcohol is your master, it is. But it doesn't have to be-you seem to be a strong person. take back your power!
Sending you hugs, love and light.
If you believe alcohol is your master, it is. But it doesn't have to be-you seem to be a strong person. take back your power!
Sending you hugs, love and light.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Serenidad 
Thank you for all the support everyone. I truly feel unworthy. I feel like a worthless piece of crap.
Most of you probably guessed I drank last night. I just don't get it! Nothing was wrong! I wasn't stressed, angry....I was cleaning my house and all of a sudden it's like a tidal wave just pulled me out the door to buy beer. I can't describe that feeling. It's just so powerful! It scares me!
Most of you probably guessed I drank last night. I just don't get it! Nothing was wrong! I wasn't stressed, angry....I was cleaning my house and all of a sudden it's like a tidal wave just pulled me out the door to buy beer. I can't describe that feeling. It's just so powerful! It scares me!
Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Thursday, Jan. 6, 2011
AA Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it God cannot give me this power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.
Thursday, Jan. 6, 2011
AA Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it God cannot give me this power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
I need to have a new plan...a daily plan! I will GO to an AA meeting every day. I already put them in my calendar. I will pray, read my meditations, call my sponsor and work on the 12-step homework she gave me daily.
Since my cravings ALWAYS hit between 4:00-6:00 p.m. I will walk my dog during that time. Yes...I will walk her for 2 hours if that's what it takes!
If I need to I will go to a second meeting in the evening or just hang around on SR all night.
I will avoid being too hungry or tired. (Lonely or angry) H.A.L.T.
I will try to help another alcoholic every day. Even if it's just to offer a kind word here on SR.
I will put down the stick & stop hitting myself with it.
I will try to avoid toxic people. I need love right now. I already hate myself so I don't need someone twisting the knife.
Thx & love you guys. WHAT A TRAIN WRECK I AM RIGHT NOW. :-(
Since my cravings ALWAYS hit between 4:00-6:00 p.m. I will walk my dog during that time. Yes...I will walk her for 2 hours if that's what it takes!
If I need to I will go to a second meeting in the evening or just hang around on SR all night.
I will avoid being too hungry or tired. (Lonely or angry) H.A.L.T.
I will try to help another alcoholic every day. Even if it's just to offer a kind word here on SR.
I will put down the stick & stop hitting myself with it.
I will try to avoid toxic people. I need love right now. I already hate myself so I don't need someone twisting the knife.
Thx & love you guys. WHAT A TRAIN WRECK I AM RIGHT NOW. :-(
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by Serenidad
I need to have a new plan...a daily plan! I will GO to an AA meeting every day. I already put them in my calendar. I will pray, read my meditations, call my sponsor and work on the 12-step homework she gave me daily.
Since my cravings ALWAYS hit between 4:00-6:00 p.m. I will walk my dog during that time. Yes...I will walk her for 2 hours if that's what it takes!
If I need to I will go to a second meeting in the evening or just hang around on SR all night.
I will avoid being too hungry or tired. (Lonely or angry) H.A.L.T.
I will try to help another alcoholic every day. Even if it's just to offer a kind word here on SR.
I will put down the stick & stop hitting myself with it.
I will try to avoid toxic people. I need love right now. I already hate myself so I don't need someone twisting the knife.
Thx & love you guys. WHAT A TRAIN WRECK I AM RIGHT NOW. :-(
Since my cravings ALWAYS hit between 4:00-6:00 p.m. I will walk my dog during that time. Yes...I will walk her for 2 hours if that's what it takes!
If I need to I will go to a second meeting in the evening or just hang around on SR all night.
I will avoid being too hungry or tired. (Lonely or angry) H.A.L.T.
I will try to help another alcoholic every day. Even if it's just to offer a kind word here on SR.
I will put down the stick & stop hitting myself with it.
I will try to avoid toxic people. I need love right now. I already hate myself so I don't need someone twisting the knife.
Thx & love you guys. WHAT A TRAIN WRECK I AM RIGHT NOW. :-(
You can do it, you know you can, plus think about all the weight you'll lose if you must walk the dog 2 hours everyday!
P.S. I have taken to calling "the tidal waves" "zombie drives" or my "zombie state" ( one of the members in my dec class called us zombie slayers when we get past that craving, I like that
)I have no idea what takes over me!!! Its like a magnetic pull to the liquor store, I'm not even myself, like zoned out or something, good news is that I'm used to them now and don't have to do it. If I start driving to the liquor store, I drive past it and stop somewhere to eat or grab a fancy coffee.Try that, it works for me
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Every time I went toe to toe with alcohol I got the snott knocked out of me.
Today I'm smart enough to know not to get in the ring. I have to be willing to do whatever I have to so that giving it another go sounds like a very bad idea
There is not one thing that keeps me sober it is a hundred small things done on a daily basis
Today I'm smart enough to know not to get in the ring. I have to be willing to do whatever I have to so that giving it another go sounds like a very bad idea
There is not one thing that keeps me sober it is a hundred small things done on a daily basis
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Jsbodhi
Well at least your here today and not out on a 2 year bender!!! You can do it, you know you can, plus think about all the weight you'll lose if you must walk the dog 2 hours everyday! P.S. I have taken to calling "the tidal waves" "zombie drives" or my "zombie state" ( one of the members in my dec class called us zombie slayers when we get past that craving, I like that )I have no idea what takes over me!!! Its like a magnetic pull to the liquor store, I'm not even myself, like zoned out or something, good news is that I'm used to them now and don't have to do it. If I start driving to the liquor store, I drive past it and stop somewhere to eat or grab a fancy coffee. Try that, it works for me
)I have no idea what takes over me!!! Its like a magnetic pull to the liquor store, I'm not even myself, like zoned out or something, good news is that I'm used to them now and don't have to do it. If I start driving to the liquor store, I drive past it and stop somewhere to eat or grab a fancy coffee. Try that, it works for me As far as the walking...I've gained 35 lbs since my relapse!!! I have plenty to lose! I was only 135 lbs before my relapse & in great shape. Now I'm fat arse! :-( That should be the least of my worries right now though. No dieting...just walking and NO alcohol!
I can do this...right?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Every time I went toe to toe with alcohol I got the snott knocked out of me. Today I'm smart enough to know not to get in the ring. I have to be willing to do whatever I have to so that giving it another go sounds like a very bad idea There is not one thing that keeps me sober it is a hundred small things done on a daily basis
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Good to hear!
Here's what I'm thinkin would be wise:
Getting an understanding of what the first part of the first step means. The doctors opinion, There is a solution, and more about alcoholism will help and wise to read them and go through them with someone who understands the mental obsession and how it materializes and The phenomenon of craving and how it materializes. And also how powerlessness is exhibited.
and don't drink even if yer arse falls off!
Take a picture if it does as I don't think any of us have seen it happen, but don't drink if it does!!
Surrender seemed like the last thing in the world that could possibly help me.
And it turned out to be the beginning of victory.
Here's what I'm thinkin would be wise:
Getting an understanding of what the first part of the first step means. The doctors opinion, There is a solution, and more about alcoholism will help and wise to read them and go through them with someone who understands the mental obsession and how it materializes and The phenomenon of craving and how it materializes. And also how powerlessness is exhibited.
and don't drink even if yer arse falls off!
Take a picture if it does as I don't think any of us have seen it happen, but don't drink if it does!!
Surrender seemed like the last thing in the world that could possibly help me.
And it turned out to be the beginning of victory.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I'll add that I can't say I know how hard it is for ya to fight the caving,compulsion, and obsession, but I remember how hard it was for me. Had days it seemed every ounce of energy was spent on not running to the store or bar( and please tell us there is no booze in yer house at this time) at first it wasn't bad. I was miserable. Hated every friggin thing about me.
Then the fog lifted. What I did was put faith and trust in the people That went before me in the rooms of AA that it would get better IF I worked for it. Seems crazy I did that as I never met any of em before so why should I do that???
Looking back I know it was because I could see "it" on them. I wanted "it."
And don't give up 10 seconds before the miracle occurs!
Then the fog lifted. What I did was put faith and trust in the people That went before me in the rooms of AA that it would get better IF I worked for it. Seems crazy I did that as I never met any of em before so why should I do that???
Looking back I know it was because I could see "it" on them. I wanted "it."
And don't give up 10 seconds before the miracle occurs!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
It's definitely the battle of my life Serenidad - I understand completely.
It can be so discouraging and frustrating to fall down over and over. I'm right there with you.
But you know the only thing that can actually ensure our failure? Is if we stop trying. That's the truth.
I know you want sobriety - that's why you're here on SR. That's why I'm here too.
We can do this. Stick with us. Pick yourself up and dust off. Let's go!
It can be so discouraging and frustrating to fall down over and over. I'm right there with you.
But you know the only thing that can actually ensure our failure? Is if we stop trying. That's the truth.
I know you want sobriety - that's why you're here on SR. That's why I'm here too.
We can do this. Stick with us. Pick yourself up and dust off. Let's go!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Hi Serenidad
I'm newish to SR -22 days sober so I don't have any advice but I just wanted to congratulate you on the previous 5.5 years, that's fantastic. You have no need to feel down on yourself, its just a blip.
I hope I can do as well as you
I'm newish to SR -22 days sober so I don't have any advice but I just wanted to congratulate you on the previous 5.5 years, that's fantastic. You have no need to feel down on yourself, its just a blip.
I hope I can do as well as you
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Joyce Meyer (Defeating Bad Moods): Joyce Meyer (Defeating Bad Moods) - YouTube
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 28
I couldn't get through the compulsion to drink without antabuse. It has truly been a life saver. Just coming up on a month sober. What have you got to lose by trying it for yourself? We need all the help we can get. Sometimes we need something to save us from ourselves. Godspeed.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Serenidad. ..you sound good. Stick to your plan. You can make it through this. You've done it before and you can do it again. You know it is worth getting through the difficult beginning. Can you see a counselor? Individual support may help a lot along with the rest of your plan. You can do this. ..and you will feel better soon.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
