upminer

Why do people insist on labeling others when they have zero clue what they are going through? My mother in law has been back to calling me an "alcoholic", "drunk", and "recovering alcoholic" yet the woman is clueless to what alcoholism entails. She doesn't understand why I don't just "go to AA and get fixed" (her words) so, when I asked her what she knew about AA (fishing to see if she even knew about the 12 steps or the spirituality of it) she just said it's the only way you're going to quit.....I walked away. I don't care about whether I'm an alcoholic or not all I care about is not drinking and changing my habits. I hold nothing against AA it just wasn't for me when I attended a couple of meetings early on. I haven't ruled it out but I'm not looking back into it either. I've got 73 days. I'm even cutting back on the crutch now. Things are looking great but you get knocked down quick when you hear people who know nothing try to apply a one size fits all label on you....

suicideseason

This life, is about labels. I feel the same. Its hard to break them, cause then you just fall into another label.

sober is a label.

some peoples parents lol. goodjob tho

Soberwolf

Hi Upminer its tough when someone doesnt understands but dont feed into it

Ive had it myself and it is annoying but their not meant to get it

As long as we 'get it' thats the goal i am a alcoholic but only i know that ppl can think it say it even but the buck stops with me and what it means to me

PurpleKnight

Unfortunately it's the world we live in, people like pigeon holing, mix that with a lack of understanding and it can be tough to come up against!!

Hang in there, focus on you and your Sobriety and prove them wrong!!

mns1

upminer the thing you have to remember is that it is just that. They don't understand. And unless they've gone through this, they can't.

They only see our actions, not the battle that goes on inside us. So all you can do is just continue to use your actions to stay sober and prove you who really are. Then your mother-in-law will catch on.

And I think it's important to think of my alcoholism as a condition, not a definition. It is something I must deal with, but it does not define who I am. Don't let it define who you are either.

More power to you upminer!

Nonsensical

Congrats on 73 days.

Mikie9

People.... I see it like this. if she had something bad to say about the car you drive, would it upset you, or would you roll your eyes and wander away knowing she is ignorant?
I know it is a bit different, but mean people are mean people.

At 73 days, you ARE getting fixed, it just isn't how her TV tells her it is done, if that makes sense

ReadyAndAble

I think it's one of those things that people don't get unless they've experienced it for themselves (or spent a lot of time talking to addicts, personally or professional).

It used to annoy me, so I get that. But now I realize it's not their fault, they genuinely just don't know better. Can't resent someone for a lack of knowledge, you know? Plus resentment of any kind is bad news, addiction seems to feed off it, surely as it feeds off booze. At least that was true in my case. I've decided that when I forgive someone else, I'm not doing them a favor, I'm doing myself a favor.

upminer

I get what you're saying and at the same time what I do is none of her business. I don't have to prove myself to anyone just myself. And honestly the way this woman is in 20 years I'll still be a drunk anyways even if I (hopefully) spend that time sober.... Just venting a bit thanks

Fly N Buy

Another member posted - I'd rather be sober thinking I may be an alcoholic than living drunk all the time believing I'm not.


Work your program, however you see fit.
Glad you're here!

Mikie9

Vent away, it helps, a lot!

upminer

thanks and that's where I am right now. I knew I had a problem but in reality the problem has been the marriage all along the alcohol helped me cope. She should have got served papers by now (I'm at work) with the 6 month waiting period we will see if something changes but I doubt it

Anna

Upminer, I dislike labels, too. And, the name-calling is on your mother-in-law, not on you.

And, it's not surprising that alcohol was the coping mechanism. I used alcohol to self-medicate as well, and many of us do.

Just hang in there and stay focused.

ScottFromWI

Don't fall into that trap Upminer. Yes, you have marital issues, but alcohol is not a "coping mechanism". It is an escape and excuse to avoid facing reality. And eventually it becomes a problem much larger than anything else. Stay focused in your sobriety....that is the only way you can ever sort out the rest.

Buggirl

Whilst I agree she perhaps hasn't a clue (like most folk who don't have an issue with drinking), I had to admit I was an alcoholic, a drunk etc, before I could accept I needed to change! Surely this is why you are here, because you are an alcoholic?
Don't be ashamed, first step of the twelve steps is admitting we are powerless over alcohol, thus alcoholics.

You are doing great at 73 days, don't let this bring you down, but be true to yourself. Might even shut her up if you say yes I am an alcoholic and what of it? After all, you are certainly not alone, especially here!

I am rooting for you.

JanieJ

Try not to let it get to you, upminer,

You are doing fantastically and YOU know that. You can't change other people, but you can change your reaction to them.

ubntubnt

Labels or not, who cares? Forget about it. You are 70+ days sober, that's awesome but you are an alcoholic and that means you were well on your way to killing yourself. You have pulled yourself back from the edge of the cliff but you are still looking over the top. Don't sweat the peripheral stuff, just redouble your resolve to stay off the booze.

Weasel1966

I am not saying when someone thinks of me in a way and applies, by my standards, a unwelcome label that I don't feel it. It can hurt as much as I let it.

But as I get older and I spend more time on this earth I have found, shockingly, that when I own some of these labels I triumphed over the negativity around them. Not all the labels. Some are just feeble judgments by angry people. Others are genuine labels that the more I fight the more ugly the label is applied over itself.

I am a gay alcoholic middle aged Italian white guy from New Jersey (originally).

Boy what some could do with that statement. But you know what? It ain't wrong. As long as that's me then say what you will.

I have a life to go lead while you sit in my judgement.

My signature line has always helped me in my perspective as well.

Congrats on 73 days!

Ken

Dee74

I've been a muso, an academic, a partner, a brother, a teacher, a moderator...I've also been a cripple a stutterer, an alcoholic, an addict, a screw up, a figure of ridicule, an idiot, a no-hoper and someone to be pitied.

I prefer the labels I gave myself - the others are simply not a true reflection of who I am

D

Weasel1966

I think there might be a song in there Dee.