Class of January 2015 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Yesterday was a beautiful day to drink, for many reasons, so guess who was waiting around every corner for me?
Yep, the relentless AV. I've decided to name her Addie. Kind of a cute name, sounds harmless enough, but when I think of what it's short for, then the ugliness is revealed!
She whispered her most powerful lie in my ear, "you CAN drink, just today, or on weekends if you want, and it will be fine!" She knows she can hook me with that one.
But each time I shook it off and reminded myself that this is Addie, and NOT me.
In the evening, my husband and I got Chinese take out, binged on our new favorite show, Transparent, and then went to bed early.
And now, here I am today, so very happy to read what you have all written, and so very happy to have kicked that retched little Abbie to the corner one more time.
Day 18 for me. :-)
Yep, the relentless AV. I've decided to name her Addie. Kind of a cute name, sounds harmless enough, but when I think of what it's short for, then the ugliness is revealed!
She whispered her most powerful lie in my ear, "you CAN drink, just today, or on weekends if you want, and it will be fine!" She knows she can hook me with that one.
But each time I shook it off and reminded myself that this is Addie, and NOT me.
In the evening, my husband and I got Chinese take out, binged on our new favorite show, Transparent, and then went to bed early.
And now, here I am today, so very happy to read what you have all written, and so very happy to have kicked that retched little Abbie to the corner one more time.
Day 18 for me. :-)
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Day Eighteen
Starting day eighteen now.
Yesterday was a very good day. Work was busy and went well. I made great money. (I'm a server at a very busy Italian restaurant.) One of my daily morning mantras for the last week has been to ask for help keeping a good attitude at work. So far it's working.
Came home and napped for a bit and then just lazed around the house alternating between reading and watching television and playing on the Xbox. In other words, the same thing I've mostly been doing every day since January 1. No urges to drink.
I work again today. Tonight I am definitely going to an AA meeting. No ifs, ands, or buts. It's time to stop isolating and starting being active in my recovery.
Congratulations to everyone who had a sober Saturday and welcome to any newcomers. Everyone who posted on this thread yesterday played a part in my staying sober another day. Thank you!
Yesterday was a very good day. Work was busy and went well. I made great money. (I'm a server at a very busy Italian restaurant.) One of my daily morning mantras for the last week has been to ask for help keeping a good attitude at work. So far it's working.
Came home and napped for a bit and then just lazed around the house alternating between reading and watching television and playing on the Xbox. In other words, the same thing I've mostly been doing every day since January 1. No urges to drink.
I work again today. Tonight I am definitely going to an AA meeting. No ifs, ands, or buts. It's time to stop isolating and starting being active in my recovery.
Congratulations to everyone who had a sober Saturday and welcome to any newcomers. Everyone who posted on this thread yesterday played a part in my staying sober another day. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 33
Grilling and camp fire and coolers of beer equaled s failure for me .... Two beers has made me feel like such a failure ... I blew my 12 days and woke up feeling so much anxiety about how I had let myself down ... Iam just waiting for my SO to ask if I drank ... I will not lie and start over today ....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 315
I'm on my 4th day and finally feeling a tiny bit of energy. Last time I quit was not that long ago, and I remember feeling downright hungover for the first 2 or 3 weeks. Just exhausted. Maybe it will be shorter this time since I'm coming back from weeks of drinking rather than years!
TryTry--Addie! I love it! Very snakey, for sure! This time I am really trying to focus on the wily AV and ignore it. That's what got me last time in the strangest of forms: "you feel too calm and happy and are even starting to lose weight and your skin has a healthy glow. Why do you think you deserve to feel and look good? That is not YOU. You're a f***up and always have been. You should feel ashamed of yourself like you always have. Isn't that more comfortable anyway? Here, just have a drink. You're always stressed out." Now I admit part of that is psychological, but since I can't afford counselling (low cost options were a dead end), I am focusing on how the AV uses my issues against me.
I relate to a lot of what's been said even if I can't remember all the names yet. I'm glad I'm not the only one who eats everything within reach when getting sober! Last time I did that, too, and chose not to worry about it, figuring I was drinking at least 2000 calories a day anyway. I didn't gain any weight at all even though I was binging on sugar and salty snacks constantly.
FourSeasons--had to laugh because I JUST DID that exact thing: recently I was able to have only two glasses of wine one night. So I rewarded myself the next day with more wine!! Crazy. How any of us think that we can moderate when we have YEARS of experience to the contrary is beyond me. But I know exactly how it happens--that one rare, rare time I drink so little I can still properly function as a human becomes my justification: SEE?? I CAN DO IT!
Then the inevitable blackout, embarrassment, paralyzing hangover, fights, self-hatred all over again. Thanks, AV. I'm watching for you, buster.
TryTry--Addie! I love it! Very snakey, for sure! This time I am really trying to focus on the wily AV and ignore it. That's what got me last time in the strangest of forms: "you feel too calm and happy and are even starting to lose weight and your skin has a healthy glow. Why do you think you deserve to feel and look good? That is not YOU. You're a f***up and always have been. You should feel ashamed of yourself like you always have. Isn't that more comfortable anyway? Here, just have a drink. You're always stressed out." Now I admit part of that is psychological, but since I can't afford counselling (low cost options were a dead end), I am focusing on how the AV uses my issues against me.
I relate to a lot of what's been said even if I can't remember all the names yet. I'm glad I'm not the only one who eats everything within reach when getting sober! Last time I did that, too, and chose not to worry about it, figuring I was drinking at least 2000 calories a day anyway. I didn't gain any weight at all even though I was binging on sugar and salty snacks constantly.
FourSeasons--had to laugh because I JUST DID that exact thing: recently I was able to have only two glasses of wine one night. So I rewarded myself the next day with more wine!! Crazy. How any of us think that we can moderate when we have YEARS of experience to the contrary is beyond me. But I know exactly how it happens--that one rare, rare time I drink so little I can still properly function as a human becomes my justification: SEE?? I CAN DO IT!
Then the inevitable blackout, embarrassment, paralyzing hangover, fights, self-hatred all over again. Thanks, AV. I'm watching for you, buster.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by safeandsound 
FourSeasons--had to laugh because I JUST DID that exact thing: recently I was able to have only two glasses of wine one night. So I rewarded myself the next day with more wine!! Crazy. How any of us think that we can moderate when we have YEARS of experience to the contrary is beyond me. But I know exactly how it happens--that one rare, rare time I drink so little I can still properly function as a human becomes my justification: SEE?? I CAN DO IT!
Then the inevitable blackout, embarrassment, paralyzing hangover, fights, self-hatred all over again. Thanks, AV. I'm watching for you, buster.
Seriously, let's not kid ourselves anymore. Me now thinks this mindset is a sign of a serious problem!
I honestly cannot have "just one". It always, ALWAYS, leads to a never-ending binge. I have proved this time and time again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Colorado
Posts: 6
First post here, newcomer (50 yr old male, married, 3 teens). Been lurking for a few days. Today is Day 6. Tried this before but never really intended to "perma-quit". Evening drinker, because I was too smart to know that if I started at noon it would be a short day. One never enough, but never really went to blackout. Usually 6 and out, or 8. Lots of tell-tale signs of problem, have had a doc suggest the same. One prescribed Revia a few months ago, it worked to kill the cravings, but felt sort of toxic, and certainly made me super anxious.
So last Monday was my last. Woke up and reflected on Proverbs 3 for awhile, and came to the conclusion that the alcohol was definitely a problem, and holding me back. Nothing in Proverbs 3 suggesting I should get drunk every night.
Thinking about attending an AA meeting, but I will be honest and say that is a huge leap. Just picking a group to show up at is intimidating. I read through the 12 steps last night, and frankly felt like I have already taken approx 10 of them. I feel like I was just going to hear some of the others stories, or whatever, perhaps fellowship....sort of why I was lurking here. Ill keep considering it.
Thats about it, tomorrow is a week. Thanks to everyone for their posts, I have read through many and have grown from them.
So last Monday was my last. Woke up and reflected on Proverbs 3 for awhile, and came to the conclusion that the alcohol was definitely a problem, and holding me back. Nothing in Proverbs 3 suggesting I should get drunk every night.
Thinking about attending an AA meeting, but I will be honest and say that is a huge leap. Just picking a group to show up at is intimidating. I read through the 12 steps last night, and frankly felt like I have already taken approx 10 of them. I feel like I was just going to hear some of the others stories, or whatever, perhaps fellowship....sort of why I was lurking here. Ill keep considering it.
Thats about it, tomorrow is a week. Thanks to everyone for their posts, I have read through many and have grown from them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Good afternoon class. Well me and the 2 girls (9 and 7) are packed and ready to go for our overnight stay at a water park near by. Had to put off leaving due to the ice storm but roads seem to be okay now.
I like the idea that I can be with my girls as much as I want and don’t have to figure out a way to get to the bar or slam down enough to feel normal.
Thoughts for me though that I don’t kill myself on any of the slides because all be damned I’m going to play like I’m 10 again.
I like the idea that I can be with my girls as much as I want and don’t have to figure out a way to get to the bar or slam down enough to feel normal.
Thoughts for me though that I don’t kill myself on any of the slides because all be damned I’m going to play like I’m 10 again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by Teebee
Thoughts for me though that I don’t kill myself on any of the slides because all be damned I’m going to play like I’m 10 again.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Morning all
...and welcome BobbyE. Hope all will be good for you ANewDayNYC
Monday morning down here. Day 17 for me and the beginning of my third week. Urge surfed the weekend with help from here. Things moving along.
Ok....off we go
Monday morning down here. Day 17 for me and the beginning of my third week. Urge surfed the weekend with help from here. Things moving along.
Ok....off we go
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by BobbyE
First post here, newcomer (50 yr old male, married, 3 teens). Been lurking for a few days. Today is Day 6. Tried this before but never really intended to "perma-quit". Evening drinker, because I was too smart to know that if I started at noon it would be a short day. One never enough, but never really went to blackout. Usually 6 and out, or 8. Lots of tell-tale signs of problem, have had a doc suggest the same. One prescribed Revia a few months ago, it worked to kill the cravings, but felt sort of toxic, and certainly made me super anxious.
So last Monday was my last. Woke up and reflected on Proverbs 3 for awhile, and came to the conclusion that the alcohol was definitely a problem, and holding me back. Nothing in Proverbs 3 suggesting I should get drunk every night.
Thinking about attending an AA meeting, but I will be honest and say that is a huge leap. Just picking a group to show up at is intimidating. I read through the 12 steps last night, and frankly felt like I have already taken approx 10 of them. I feel like I was just going to hear some of the others stories, or whatever, perhaps fellowship....sort of why I was lurking here. Ill keep considering it.
Thats about it, tomorrow is a week. Thanks to everyone for their posts, I have read through many and have grown from them.
So last Monday was my last. Woke up and reflected on Proverbs 3 for awhile, and came to the conclusion that the alcohol was definitely a problem, and holding me back. Nothing in Proverbs 3 suggesting I should get drunk every night.
Thinking about attending an AA meeting, but I will be honest and say that is a huge leap. Just picking a group to show up at is intimidating. I read through the 12 steps last night, and frankly felt like I have already taken approx 10 of them. I feel like I was just going to hear some of the others stories, or whatever, perhaps fellowship....sort of why I was lurking here. Ill keep considering it.
Thats about it, tomorrow is a week. Thanks to everyone for their posts, I have read through many and have grown from them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by canguy
...and welcome BobbyE. Hope all will be good for you ANewDayNYC
Monday morning down here. Day 17 for me and the beginning of my third week. Urge surfed the weekend with help from here. Things moving along.
Ok....off we go
Monday morning down here. Day 17 for me and the beginning of my third week. Urge surfed the weekend with help from here. Things moving along.
Ok....off we go
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Going forward again. There are emotional pitfalls at every turn it seems. Sometimes I feel exhausted from them. That's just a fact, not self-pity. It just seems like a normal way of being for a long time now.
I remember my childhood years--how I faced shyness by forcing myself to be social, and how I overcame shyness that way. How I saw my parents drink to excess every night and think, they don't know about how to face things very well. How they had no faith, so I thought maybe I need to look at faith and know Christ if I can, if that's possible. And how is it that they don't understand how they are affecting us kids with their drinking? How is it I had insight and a form of maturity when very young and yet stoop to the habit of my parents later in life? They never stopped (except when forced to by cancer or other things), they let the house really go, they didn't grow very much, but I loved them so much anyway and now they're deceased. I don't want to end up like them, so I'm committed to change, even though in many ways it's amazing that I don't understand as much as what was so clear to me as a child.
I remember my childhood years--how I faced shyness by forcing myself to be social, and how I overcame shyness that way. How I saw my parents drink to excess every night and think, they don't know about how to face things very well. How they had no faith, so I thought maybe I need to look at faith and know Christ if I can, if that's possible. And how is it that they don't understand how they are affecting us kids with their drinking? How is it I had insight and a form of maturity when very young and yet stoop to the habit of my parents later in life? They never stopped (except when forced to by cancer or other things), they let the house really go, they didn't grow very much, but I loved them so much anyway and now they're deceased. I don't want to end up like them, so I'm committed to change, even though in many ways it's amazing that I don't understand as much as what was so clear to me as a child.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by ting
I agree Dee. I was trying to be encouraging but I know I wouldn't handle a Aussie camping trip with drinkers just yet. I can handle a couple of hours of my friends drinking then I've gotta go back to my sober home.
Maybe fishing to escape everyone James if you can't get out of it?
--------------------------------------------------- "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a day without any new mistakes in it yet?" Anne of Green Gables.-
Maybe fishing to escape everyone James if you can't get out of it?
--------------------------------------------------- "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a day without any new mistakes in it yet?" Anne of Green Gables.-
I'll be fishing with my daughter (who shares my passion), it'll be my motivation.
I had a **** of a day yesterday, was going to go fishing but the boat wouldn't start, mowed the yard instead. Even then feeling sorry for myself all day; last night at dinner my wife sat next to me with a glass of wine. Looking at that glass, I could mentally taste that wine. My thoughts were, 'How did I find that acidic, pungent drink so appealing?'.
How true it is that 'Drinking' is an Aussie culture.
Just for you ting and Dee,
Search Youtube for STRAYA
Can't get out of this one I'm afraid but I'm confident I'll be OK.
*Ex Missus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 410
Quiet night on the AV front! Must be crumpled in a corner defeated after last nights episode. No doubt trying to come up with a new tactic O.o Well, I say it's quiet but I just lurked over in the substance abuse section thinking there might be extra inspirational reading over there. When my AV blurts out "why don't we do drugs instead?" What the hell. I've never touched anything outside of coffee, booze & tobacco. It's insane ideas are endless lol. I think I'll go watch funny cat videos on youtube 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by JackDsMissus
Quiet night on the AV front! Must be crumpled in a corner defeated after last nights episode. No doubt trying to come up with a new tactic O.o Well, I say it's quiet but I just lurked over in the substance abuse section thinking there might be extra inspirational reading over there. When my AV blurts out "why don't we do drugs instead?" What the hell. I've never touched anything outside of coffee, booze & tobacco. It's insane ideas are endless lol. I think I'll go watch funny cat videos on youtube
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