ArtFriend

"yeah, right"

that hurt... makes me not want to tell anyone about this.

SoberLeigh

I'm sorry that you received that kind of a response, ArtFriend. Does your friend have a drinking problem; many with drinking problems find another's commitment to sobriety uncomfortable or even threatening - it often forces them to address their own problems with alcohol and bring their own denial to the surface. Often our friends use our drinking a rationalization for their own - "I don't have a problem; lots of people drink as I do - just look at so and so".

I kept my sobriety efforts very personal and have shared it with very, very few people.

doggonecarl

Impressions are formed by past behaviors. If you have a track record of quitting and not staying committed, people are going to doubt you.

You can be hurt...or you can be determined to show people, by action, how committed to recovery you are--and stay sober.

Tang

Prove her wrong and she'll have a new respect for you.

bunnezjp

Her problem, not yours.

Bunnez

OklaBH

Prove her wrong! I relapsed several times. Last time I said openly Im not drinking, you could have heard the snickers from 10 miles away. Its never brought up anymore.

You only need your validation. Not hers.

tomsteve

Heard that a few times myself when I got sober. It hurt, but I was able to see why they didn't believe me. They heard it only about 136,379 times before.

And I stopped telling people and decided to let my actions show it.

Dont let it bother ya,art. keep putting in the footwork for you.

mfanch

Sounds about right. I showed people I was sober. I didn't tell them. I told them too many times before.

Hawks

At least you have a great friend who spoke her mind to your face.

That's better than the friends that blow smoke up your skirt and doubt you behind your back.

LBrain

I believe I got the same response myself.

I think people respond better when you tell them you quit rather than quitting. Quitting implies I'll get to it, quit implies already done.

Bailey3

Stay strong. Stay sober. You can't control what other people think and, it shouldn't matter to you what they think.

Nowsthetime

My suggestion: never tell, always show.

Don't look too much into it because your AV will try to use it against you.

This involves nobody but you and YOU got this!

WIP17

I can imagine that being hard to hear from your friend. I too have not told my good friend. However, I have not had anything to drink when at her house. Just remember we don't have to prove anything to anyone. I know I am a better person sober and if they are not going like it, then maybe it's time to move on! Continue to stay strong and reach out to sober connections often, whether that be SR, sober friends, meetings, etc.

ArtFriend

She has alcoholism in her family, so she only drinks very little. She identifies me as a heavy drinker and I suppose reworking her image of me takes time and effort on her part. I think you are right that it threatens her on some level. That perhaps I will be a "new and improved" person who won't need her as a friend anymore.

Ultramarathoner

Surprise them.

GracieLou

I think you may benefit from looking at this from another angle.

In the end it does not really matter what other people think and frankly it is none of my business. If I went around only changing my behavior or only taking action because of what “I think” others think, I would not be sober today.

I wanted to keep my journey to sobriety private. It was the first thing, I felt, I ever did for me. It was mine and I needed it to be that way so I didn’t have the stress of people’s eyes or opinions on me.

Someone close to me had others ideas and spread it to everyone. My children, family members, her friends, my ex-husband. I felt like it went around the world. The purpose of this was because they did not believe in me. They wanted me to fail and if I did I would not be the only person to answer to. I would have the eyes of others to judge me with a “yeah right” or “I told you so”.

I removed that person from my life that did that to me and you know what, I am still sober. I didn’t do it for them and I didn’t do it for the crowd that knew, I did it for me and I remain sober for me. The person that had no faith in me did not know this fact, they still don’t and the chances are high they never will. They only did it for their own sick demented reasons.

Guess what, it mattered not one bit!

Get and stay sober for you!

NoJimmy

There are a variety of reasons some people in our lives may be uncomfortable with us becoming healthier and in more control of our lives. You'll figure out pretty quickly who gets in your corner and who needs you to remain broken.

Soberwolf

This

Lance40

I'm sorry that happened ArtFriend. When you are taking something serious and it means a lot to you and you are vulnerable enough to share that with someone and they are dismissive that can really hurt.

biminiblue

"We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap."

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st Edition, p.125