Finally told best friend I was quitting...her response?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
That would make me fightin mad. I'd set out to prove them wrong. Then, after wearing sober for a year or so you can rub it in their face, then make an informed decision as to whether it's right for you. Kill two birds w/one stone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by anattaboy 
That would make me fightin mad. I'd set out to prove them wrong. Then, after wearing sober for a year or so you can rub it in their face, then make an informed decision as to whether it's right for you. Kill two birds w/one stone.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 167
I stopped telling people (other than my husband) I was trying to quit or how many days sober I was . I never got any "good jobs" at my successes - just "I told you so's" when I slipped up. Part of me is so ashamed I don't say anything anymore either (but that's my problem). Your actions will speak louder than your words or hers!! You can do it!! Prove it to your self and worry about the rest after..
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
did you say...
"You're my best friend. It was hard for me to bring this up. It's been hard for me to come to terms with the reality and the impact of alcohol in my life, but I really, really want to live differently. You saying 'yeah, right' really hurts... I'd hoped for your encouragement and support. I guess I understand why you might say it, but I sure hope I can count on you to get past that and be supportive. I'd prefer not to lose your friendship over this."
or something along those lines?
I'm sorry that was the reaction you got. I'm sure it did hurt. I'm sure it was discouraging. I hope you can share your truth with your friend and in doing so help her understand how serious this is for you....
It might be that your friend simply doesn't get it, but with a little help may be able to be supportive and helpful in your sobriety.
If not, well then in your shoes I'd be questioning whether this 'best' friend was a good choice in my life.
"You're my best friend. It was hard for me to bring this up. It's been hard for me to come to terms with the reality and the impact of alcohol in my life, but I really, really want to live differently. You saying 'yeah, right' really hurts... I'd hoped for your encouragement and support. I guess I understand why you might say it, but I sure hope I can count on you to get past that and be supportive. I'd prefer not to lose your friendship over this."
or something along those lines?
I'm sorry that was the reaction you got. I'm sure it did hurt. I'm sure it was discouraging. I hope you can share your truth with your friend and in doing so help her understand how serious this is for you....
It might be that your friend simply doesn't get it, but with a little help may be able to be supportive and helpful in your sobriety.
If not, well then in your shoes I'd be questioning whether this 'best' friend was a good choice in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
People are a lot less skeptical when you tell them you quit "six months ago" rather than "I am going to quit", so I didn't volunteer the information unless someone else brought it up. I didn't exactly have a history of success with sobriety, so people's skepticism was probably warranted.
Most "normals" don't want to talk about this stuff, it puts their own tenuous grasp on sobriety in the spotlight.
Good luck.
Most "normals" don't want to talk about this stuff, it puts their own tenuous grasp on sobriety in the spotlight.
Good luck.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
My credibility was in the crapper. 5.5 years sober and the people who know me the best still aren't sure. As my sponsor taught me, "It is none of my business what others think of me." I stay sober for me so damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
being serious here for a moment
would anyone believe someone is quit for good when they stop drinking, if they have kept on promising to stop drinking over and over again ?
what makes this time any different from all the other failed attempts ?
people who have loved us will have heard it over and over again so put yourself in there shoes would you believe it ?
my kids gave up all there hope that one day i would ever sober up
it took them a good while before they could feel relaxed like kids should be able to about there parents and not worry if there going to run off for a drink at any point
time it the key as no matter what you say it will only be how long you manage to stay off the drink that will start to win anyone over
trust will grow again but slowly, the problem is that i would expect everyone else to just believe i am quit for good and because they dont it would hurt me instead of understanding they will have heard it all before and they get fed up of having there hopes raised and then crushed again
i can not very well ignore my kids or cut them out of my life just because they didnt believe that i was quit for good, instead i had to gain there trust and confidence back and its only time that worked
would anyone believe someone is quit for good when they stop drinking, if they have kept on promising to stop drinking over and over again ?
what makes this time any different from all the other failed attempts ?
people who have loved us will have heard it over and over again so put yourself in there shoes would you believe it ?
my kids gave up all there hope that one day i would ever sober up
it took them a good while before they could feel relaxed like kids should be able to about there parents and not worry if there going to run off for a drink at any point
time it the key as no matter what you say it will only be how long you manage to stay off the drink that will start to win anyone over
trust will grow again but slowly, the problem is that i would expect everyone else to just believe i am quit for good and because they dont it would hurt me instead of understanding they will have heard it all before and they get fed up of having there hopes raised and then crushed again
i can not very well ignore my kids or cut them out of my life just because they didnt believe that i was quit for good, instead i had to gain there trust and confidence back and its only time that worked
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I do care what people think of me, as I believe it provides a reflection of who I am. I do make a distinction as to who says it though. Are they a lowly drinking buddy or senior work colleague whom I admire and respect? If they are a person I admire and respect and their opinion is significantly different from the person I want to be, then it can be an indication that more works needs to be done. If they are my old drinking buddy, then they are probably just reacting to hearing it many times before. However, it is ultimately up to me to define who I want to be and take the actions to get there, regardless of what people think.
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