Hello, Friends.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Actually, let me expand on the rehab stay. It will be like therapy.
The patients were, in some cases, very disturbing. Obvious mental health issues, there against their will, or even brought in by the police. Many lost souls roaming the halls. Just horrible to see, with some having so many sores on their faces, sunken/dark eyes, or just completely "out of it" (to be expected, but still disturbing).
The restrooms are cleaned once per day, and were filthy, with waste in the toilets, paper on the floor, and no toilet seat covers. The showers had very low water pressure, hard to even wash your hair. In one section of the facility, the room had numerous stains in the ceiling, peeling paint, broken blinds, and the ledger on the restroom door was dated in 2013. I know they clean them, but my gosh, no care about the overall conditions. In the 12-step meeting, I was cussed and yelled at by another patient; overall the 12-step meetings were horrible. Patients were leading these meetings, and not effectively. I am not a fan of 12-step...but nobody should be verbally abused for speaking.
The noise from patients, doors slamming, yelling, etc...was ridiculous. Many altercations, near-fights, etc. occurred. The doctor spent less than 5 minutes with me. I am on BP medication. My BP stayed elevated, due to anxiety..so the doctor had me add a BP patch. Then the doc wanted to add in a 3rd pill...this is all within 4 days. I refused the 3rd medication. Today, at home, my BP is fine and I am only taking the medication that my doctor initially prescribed. I had a terrible reaction to the medication they gave me to help me sleep. It is an anti-psychotic, but it caused me extreme agitation/anger and confusion. I refused to take it after two days, and my head cleared up within about 36 hours.
When I told them I wanted to leave, they told me I had to wait two days, because my counselor had taken time off. I had to tell them that the counselors vacation schedule was not my issue. I paid for 7 days, in advance, out-of-pocket, for treatment. It was nearly $3k. In the end, I left two days early, and they get to keep that money. I would have paid $1k more if need be, just to escape.
Anyway, it was really horrible....traumatic...and the above is the very short version....I left out many disturbing things that I saw or heard. I have been in rehab twice before, but nothing like this. I guess, in a way, it is what I needed. I now have near 4 pages of reasons that I never want to need rehab again.
The patients were, in some cases, very disturbing. Obvious mental health issues, there against their will, or even brought in by the police. Many lost souls roaming the halls. Just horrible to see, with some having so many sores on their faces, sunken/dark eyes, or just completely "out of it" (to be expected, but still disturbing).
The restrooms are cleaned once per day, and were filthy, with waste in the toilets, paper on the floor, and no toilet seat covers. The showers had very low water pressure, hard to even wash your hair. In one section of the facility, the room had numerous stains in the ceiling, peeling paint, broken blinds, and the ledger on the restroom door was dated in 2013. I know they clean them, but my gosh, no care about the overall conditions. In the 12-step meeting, I was cussed and yelled at by another patient; overall the 12-step meetings were horrible. Patients were leading these meetings, and not effectively. I am not a fan of 12-step...but nobody should be verbally abused for speaking.
The noise from patients, doors slamming, yelling, etc...was ridiculous. Many altercations, near-fights, etc. occurred. The doctor spent less than 5 minutes with me. I am on BP medication. My BP stayed elevated, due to anxiety..so the doctor had me add a BP patch. Then the doc wanted to add in a 3rd pill...this is all within 4 days. I refused the 3rd medication. Today, at home, my BP is fine and I am only taking the medication that my doctor initially prescribed. I had a terrible reaction to the medication they gave me to help me sleep. It is an anti-psychotic, but it caused me extreme agitation/anger and confusion. I refused to take it after two days, and my head cleared up within about 36 hours.
When I told them I wanted to leave, they told me I had to wait two days, because my counselor had taken time off. I had to tell them that the counselors vacation schedule was not my issue. I paid for 7 days, in advance, out-of-pocket, for treatment. It was nearly $3k. In the end, I left two days early, and they get to keep that money. I would have paid $1k more if need be, just to escape.
Anyway, it was really horrible....traumatic...and the above is the very short version....I left out many disturbing things that I saw or heard. I have been in rehab twice before, but nothing like this. I guess, in a way, it is what I needed. I now have near 4 pages of reasons that I never want to need rehab again.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 100
My big "takeaway" from the stay was something that I already knew. Recovery requires commitment to change. It's my responsibility; nobody else can do it for me.
So, now I do feel very much committed to change. In that regard, it was a worthwhile experience. But not one that I wish to repeat!
So, now I do feel very much committed to change. In that regard, it was a worthwhile experience. But not one that I wish to repeat!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
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That certainly like a very unpleasant and even frightening experience - and the lack of cleanliness, that is simply unhealthy.
If you left with unshakable resolve and commitment, though, that is a good thing. Do you have a plan in place to keep that resolve and commitment intact?
Congrats on 10 sober days.
If you left with unshakable resolve and commitment, though, that is a good thing. Do you have a plan in place to keep that resolve and commitment intact?
Congrats on 10 sober days.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
Sorry Aladdinsane how do you feel today
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
That certainly like a very unpleasant and even frightening experience - and the lack of cleanliness, that is simply unhealthy.
If you left with unshakable resolve and commitment, though, that is a good thing. Do you have a plan in place to keep that resolve and commitment intact?
Congrats on 10 sober days.
If you left with unshakable resolve and commitment, though, that is a good thing. Do you have a plan in place to keep that resolve and commitment intact?
Congrats on 10 sober days.
The recovery "plan" from my rehab facility is the standard "90 in 90" plan. I know I will not do that; I don't care for AA. I made it almost two years with no real "plan". I am going to work with my counselor on a long-term plan.
For now, to keep it simple, I am just making the choice not to drink.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Well, here is my progress thus far, this week...
First, this is day 12 of my sobriety.
I saw my counselor last night. We had a good discussion, and I am set to meet with her once a week for the next 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks after that. We are going to work on a plan. She recommended a book to me, "Mindsight", by Daniel J. Siegel. I downloaded it to my Kindle, and will give it a read. For me, this plan isn't solely about recovering from alcoholism. It is a more encompassing plan, addressing my overall health, well-being, and lifestyle.
I saw my MD today, and I requested a comprehensive series of lab tests. Tomorrow I will try to get all of that done, if the lab can make time. I had been putting this work off, afraid of the results. But I've decided to confront it head on, and address my overall physical health. We also made an adjustment to my BP medication regime, which may have some benefits.
Outside of that, I am reading a little on AVRT and SMART recovery. I think I've come to the conclusion that no one program "fits all". What's important is what works for me. But for today, I simply choose not to drink.
First, this is day 12 of my sobriety.
I saw my counselor last night. We had a good discussion, and I am set to meet with her once a week for the next 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks after that. We are going to work on a plan. She recommended a book to me, "Mindsight", by Daniel J. Siegel. I downloaded it to my Kindle, and will give it a read. For me, this plan isn't solely about recovering from alcoholism. It is a more encompassing plan, addressing my overall health, well-being, and lifestyle.
I saw my MD today, and I requested a comprehensive series of lab tests. Tomorrow I will try to get all of that done, if the lab can make time. I had been putting this work off, afraid of the results. But I've decided to confront it head on, and address my overall physical health. We also made an adjustment to my BP medication regime, which may have some benefits.
Outside of that, I am reading a little on AVRT and SMART recovery. I think I've come to the conclusion that no one program "fits all". What's important is what works for me. But for today, I simply choose not to drink.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 100
Day 15 today. I'm feeling a lot better, but definitely having the "blahs" a bit. Passed the alcohol isle in the grocery store, and the beer definitely caught my eye, as did the wine...and I haven't had a glass of wine in probably 8 years or more.
But I didn't let it distract me for too long, and I kept moving. So, I will be home for the rest of the day, and I'm not going to drink. Monday I am finally back to work. With all of this spare time, it makes me wonder what people do to fill it all! I am so used to drinking my weekends and weeknights away! I need to pick up some of my old, sober hobbies!
But I didn't let it distract me for too long, and I kept moving. So, I will be home for the rest of the day, and I'm not going to drink. Monday I am finally back to work. With all of this spare time, it makes me wonder what people do to fill it all! I am so used to drinking my weekends and weeknights away! I need to pick up some of my old, sober hobbies!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 100
I appreciate the support!
This is the first weekend morning that I've gotten up at 5am, other than to drink, in perhaps a year. It's funny how much of a challenge some of the little things seem, after being so conditioned to numb myself with alcohol.
This morning I had several "reasons" to drink. Meaning, several obstacles, that even while small, would have been enough, in the past, for me to crack open a beer. I decided I would get up early to exercise....haven't stepped on the elliptical in perhaps a year or so.
So, the first thing I find is that the elliptical is folded up and has full boxes piled all around it. I get my gf to help me, and it takes about 10 minutes to get everything moved and set up. Now the batteries are dead, and we have no replacements. So, it's time to get cleaned up and head to 7-11. Get to 7-11 and pay $16 for 6 "D" cell batteries. Now I have to find the special screwdriver to open the battery compartment, so it is a trip to the 25-degree garage to wade through the tool box. Standing at the kitchen counter I accidentally drop the world's tiniest screw into the trash can. So now, in the kitchen floor, I have to pull out every piece of trash from the full can. I find the screw at the bottom, in liquid. Clean everything up, and now I change the batteries, and the machine is ready to use.
It was almost too easy....
But seriously, even the tiniest things can seem like a big test right now. I am staying focused, though. I won't drink today, and I WILL get on that elliptical. Small steps, but progress!
This is the first weekend morning that I've gotten up at 5am, other than to drink, in perhaps a year. It's funny how much of a challenge some of the little things seem, after being so conditioned to numb myself with alcohol.
This morning I had several "reasons" to drink. Meaning, several obstacles, that even while small, would have been enough, in the past, for me to crack open a beer. I decided I would get up early to exercise....haven't stepped on the elliptical in perhaps a year or so.
So, the first thing I find is that the elliptical is folded up and has full boxes piled all around it. I get my gf to help me, and it takes about 10 minutes to get everything moved and set up. Now the batteries are dead, and we have no replacements. So, it's time to get cleaned up and head to 7-11. Get to 7-11 and pay $16 for 6 "D" cell batteries. Now I have to find the special screwdriver to open the battery compartment, so it is a trip to the 25-degree garage to wade through the tool box. Standing at the kitchen counter I accidentally drop the world's tiniest screw into the trash can. So now, in the kitchen floor, I have to pull out every piece of trash from the full can. I find the screw at the bottom, in liquid. Clean everything up, and now I change the batteries, and the machine is ready to use.
It was almost too easy....
But seriously, even the tiniest things can seem like a big test right now. I am staying focused, though. I won't drink today, and I WILL get on that elliptical. Small steps, but progress!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Well, it's a start...
I am about 65 lbs overweight right now....I gained 40 lbs in roughly a year, due to drinking. I don't want to overdue it right now, I am going to chip away at it and do some time on the elliptical each day. I have lost about 5 lbs since I stopped drinking 16 days ago, and look significantly less red and puffy in my face.
It's a small accomplishment, but encouraging. Posting these little things gives me something to be happy about for the day, and something to look back on as I progress in my recovery.
I am about 65 lbs overweight right now....I gained 40 lbs in roughly a year, due to drinking. I don't want to overdue it right now, I am going to chip away at it and do some time on the elliptical each day. I have lost about 5 lbs since I stopped drinking 16 days ago, and look significantly less red and puffy in my face.
It's a small accomplishment, but encouraging. Posting these little things gives me something to be happy about for the day, and something to look back on as I progress in my recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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I am just posting these pics so that I won't soon forget...
Blood pressure 3 hours after leaving rehab (and an hour after relaxing in the jacuzzi at the hotel) 139/84 and 111 bpm pulse, at rest (it had come down from as high as 168/110 and up to 132 bpm, at rest):
Blood pressure this morning, 11 days later, 115/76 and 65 bpm pulse, at rest:
Anyway, I know that I sometimes have a tendency to forget how bad alcohol made me feel....and that has led me to relapse in the past. The docs had been warning me for months that it was just a matter of time before I had a heart attack or stroke. Part of the reason that I went to rehab was that I was afraid that something bad was going to happen soon....
Blood pressure 3 hours after leaving rehab (and an hour after relaxing in the jacuzzi at the hotel) 139/84 and 111 bpm pulse, at rest (it had come down from as high as 168/110 and up to 132 bpm, at rest):
Blood pressure this morning, 11 days later, 115/76 and 65 bpm pulse, at rest:
Anyway, I know that I sometimes have a tendency to forget how bad alcohol made me feel....and that has led me to relapse in the past. The docs had been warning me for months that it was just a matter of time before I had a heart attack or stroke. Part of the reason that I went to rehab was that I was afraid that something bad was going to happen soon....
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