nymets86

I've not done the chats, but if you came away from it thinking it was people celebrating addiction, then my guess is it's probably not the right place for you right now in your recovery.

Again, I've not done them, but I'd imagine they weren't actually celebrating having a horrible addiction. Sometimes people use humor as a coping mechanism or just as a way to put things in perspective. Maybe you misinterpreted the tone of the conversation.

Either way, if something isn't helping you stay sober, then definitely don't do it. Where I'm at right now, seeing my therapist once a week and posting on SR daily are working for me.

I was thinking of AA, but the religious aspect is too much for me to overcome and I'm just nervous about going to a SMART meeting and then the times/locations of the meeting are not convenient for me. As such, I'm doing what I've been doing to kee me sober since Feb 19th.

AladdinSane

It was people talking about different drugs, and the different types of "highs" you get from them....and it was people who weren't yet in recovery. So, it was a bit off-putting. But I also saw the same thing when I was in rehab...people were talking about getting high together, once they got out.

Anyway, another 5-day stint of sobriety under my belt. And another weekend to try to get through.

Met with my therapist this week. Touched on the concepts of being able accept not feeling "happy" all of the time, and "instant gratification" (which I am really bad about, in all respects).

Della1968

I struggled with those same things especially the instant gratification. It had gotten MUCH better. Congrats on the five days.

SoberLeigh

Good job on the 5 days, AS; you are DOING this.

I can see where the chat room conversation could have been very difficult.

Do you belong to a Class; they are usually 'safe places'.

AladdinSane

No, I haven't checked into one of those threads, if that is what you mean?

AladdinSane

I am really bad about impluse purchases, too, for instant gratification. I have stuff I bought from Ebay two or three years ago, that I haven't even opened the boxes yet! Probably bought some of it more than once!

Della1968

Lol I had to cut myself off from eBay! And QVC...nuff said!

AladdinSane

Err, big FAIL this weekend. Not unexpected. When I had my meeting with my therapist, we agreed that I had a "defeatist" tone. I am making a plan for next weekend, to avoid this.

nymets86

AS, what about the drinking wasn't unexpected?

I don't think on here you showed a defeatist tone, but maybe one of having a bit of contempt toward those trying to get sober. You even mentioned it yourself that you'd showed some anger and maybe it was toward yourself.

I know I'm 100% guilty of doing that. Not so much on the boards, but in real life. And if you're saying drinking this weekend wasn't unexpected than I wonder if you simply already had your mind made up that you were going to drink.

Dee74

whats the plan for next weekend look like AS?

D

Soberwolf

Good luck with the plan AS

AladdinSane

Well, it's here already, huh? Another 5 days sober under my belt....

What we talked about this week was that I would write down my feelings this weekend....meaning, when I invariably get that "empty" feeling, I will document the experience. How long it lasts, what my thoughts are, etc..The rest of the plan involves staying occupied and visiting family.

Will this help? I don't know. I'm happy to have another 5 days under my belt, though.

AladdinSane

I meant, I had a defeatist tone when I saw my therapist. I spoke in terms of "trying not to drink", "if I don't drink", etc....not a lot of conviction. It wasn't unexpected because I keep getting this cycle of "blah". Where I just feel "empty"...and then I decide to drink, and that feeling leaves me for a bit.

Dee74

Hope you have a good sober weekend AS

D

AladdinSane