FreeOwl

I think our romantic / life partners really need to know. We may have to face the disappointment of their lack of support..... But better to know sooner than later.

One thing you'll need to embrace is that your sobriety is more important than your boyfriend.

Just tell him the truth. If he is capable of loving and supporting you in the way you will need in a partner, he will encourage you and you'll have an ally.

If he's not... Well, you were honest and that is the most crucial thing right now.

newhope01

Okay, sounds like he knows you have issues just not know how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Its time you tell him. Tell him about the late night bingeing, tell him how often, tell him how good you felt when he supported you through those 40 days and how you need his support now.

I suspect that if he knew how bad your drinking has become, he wouldn't like the "drinking you" anymore either. For pete's sake honey, you contemplated suicide as a solution to your drinking problem.

Frixion

No, of course all will not be good by waiting. It's just that saying no to alcohol is a massive lifestyle change as it is, but accepting that I may lose my love over it is too much to handle on day 1. I feel I need to build a bit momentum first.

Fly N Buy

Not to hijack thread, but wouldn't having a coworker as support help you both?? Why do you care she saw you if she's in the program as well???

newhope01

That's why I advise that you take your time with it. He doesn't need to know today. But, he does need to know.

You are already off to a good start:

*You have a doctor's appointment.
*You have already researched AA meetings and have committed to attending one by the end of the day.
*You are sober.

These three things are not easy but you are doing them on your very first day. Wish I was just as proactive.

Frixion

Thank you, I believe you and FreeOwl & a few others are right. I just need to tell him how bad it has gotten and hope he understands and supports me as he did before. Knowing him.. even if he didn't like "sober me" before, he would support me in anything that is this important to me and my health. Logically I couldn't see him falling out of love with me because I am trying to get healthy.

LBrain

didn't mean to come across as insensitive, but I guess in truth, hiding it going forward - would the response be any different.

YES, I agree, we need to make ourselves well. But at some point the people who matter the most to us - our partners - cannot be left in the dark.

Nonsensical

You are worth being honest with him.

I've gone 40 days before and then went back to drinking. I suspect I wasn't much fun to be around during that sober time because all I kept thinking was damIwannadrink, damIwannadrink, damIwannadrink!

You are just starting to build a happy sober life. It will take some time, but when you do you'll be better than the drinking you, and he will see that.

Soberwolf

You always have us Frixion

Mountainmanbob

that I think would be good advice signed by mountain man Bob

Carlotta

Exactly! plus sooner or later you will not be able to hide the extent of your problem from him and this really could damage your relationship far worst than going to AA and being abstinent ever could. Living with a drunk is hell.
Don't worry about "failing" your first meeting, just go where you feel safe and comfortable. For a minute I thought they were grading newcomers in your area and you got a D-
I was going to ask about the test LOLOL

PurpleKnight

Here's the thing, the new Sober you is now going to be who you are, if people aren't comfortable with the new you are they worth being friends with or marrying??

Sobriety isn't just for the weekend, it's a whole new path in life, a complete change of lifestyle, others are either onboard with that are they aren't!!

oak

I hid drinking and recovery from my husband. It felt weird going to AA and not telling him. He was fine with it once I told him.

I also went at least once to a meeting but got too scared to get out of my car. I eventually got up the courage to go in to a meeting.

Hope the next meeting you have planned works out for you!

HMS

Frixion,

We are different people when we are drinking. But you need to decide who you want to be, I couldn't be the sweet romantic drunk with my wife anymore because when I would drink when she wasn't around I would be romantic with anyone and that is worse than being the real sober me.

I am choosing sober me over any other version of myself. Its up to you to decide who you want to be.. Its a tough spot having a spouse or loved one who tells you that they miss the drunk you. I feel for you,

You have to decide who you want to be and let them decide if they can be with the sober you or not

FlyerFan

I didn't mind lying to people and being seen drunk. Why should I care what they think of me sober?

IOAA2

Hi.
I can think of many other places I would not wanted to be seen like at the side of the road after drinking, in a cell or hospital not knowing why pleading for one more chance or being/feeling miserable and on and on.
AA is there where people understand and want to help us and has operated for +79 years.

BE WELL

Frixion

Wow, this one sentence really helped me confess to him about going to AA, and thus helped me actually go to my first meeting last night. Part of me was wondering "What if he thinks less of me?", But the truth is the way he has been treated due to my drunken nights will make him think far less of me than me, than becoming sober ever could. As he sees my life get better, I'm sure he will eventually even like me better.

Thank you so so much newhope01

jerri11

This whole thing about him liking the drinking you vs sober you .... I agree with SoberWolf, this needs to be nipped in the bud.

I was very worried about this when I was deciding to quit. That my husband would end up saying, "You know, I think I liked you better drunk. Where'd my fun party girl go?"

The thing, is he had no idea how bad the problem was, until I told him the whole truth. He didn't know that I started drinking first thing in morning and just kept on drinking. He didn't know that, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I would often have a drink just to get back to sleep.

It's been 3 weeks sober for me, and he is SOOOO glad that I quit and he's completely behind me. I think we're both realizing how much better we BOTH like the REAL me. Not the drunk me.

When you're ready, tell the BF the truth about how serious this is (sooner rather than later). To be fair, I'd give him some time to absorb the weight of what you tell him. For a short time, he might be allowed a pass for saying something stupid. We all say stupid things sometimes, without meaning to, without fully understanding how damaging the words can be.

But if that "I liked you better drunk" BS persists, please know this: That says more about the kind of person HE is, then the kind of person YOU are.

Take care of yourself, and be the person YOU want to be.

newhope01

Been having a really bad day today and reading this really helped to cheer me up. Im glad you confessed and are getting the necessary help that you need.

Its the beauty of SR, folks helping each other; Its a beautiful thing.

Keep posting.