First time here or anywhere like this
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by antiquity 
Hi all,
I never dreamed I'd be in this position. I have a great job, family, kids, and work out 6 days a week. People think I have myself totally together.
But I have a monster in me that comes out when I drink. I don't drink that often, but when I do become someone else. I am ashamed and embarrassed for my actions, and I'm lucky my wife has put with me but won't any longer. I finally realized I need to just stop completely, because I am prone to reckless behavior anytime that I drink and I just can't trust myself to act mature and sensibly. I always would rationalize that I don't drink that often so it's not a problem. But when I drink I will sometimes do it to such excess that I don't remember anything, and I may even be driving.
I don't know why I do it. I think it gives me confidence and takes the edge of the anxiety I feel. But I am fed up with myself and know I cannot continue in this way. But now that I made this decision to stop suddenly I feel scared and empty and unable to face life and the poor decisions I have made.
Thanks for any help and advice.
I never dreamed I'd be in this position. I have a great job, family, kids, and work out 6 days a week. People think I have myself totally together.
But I have a monster in me that comes out when I drink. I don't drink that often, but when I do become someone else. I am ashamed and embarrassed for my actions, and I'm lucky my wife has put with me but won't any longer. I finally realized I need to just stop completely, because I am prone to reckless behavior anytime that I drink and I just can't trust myself to act mature and sensibly. I always would rationalize that I don't drink that often so it's not a problem. But when I drink I will sometimes do it to such excess that I don't remember anything, and I may even be driving.
I don't know why I do it. I think it gives me confidence and takes the edge of the anxiety I feel. But I am fed up with myself and know I cannot continue in this way. But now that I made this decision to stop suddenly I feel scared and empty and unable to face life and the poor decisions I have made.
Thanks for any help and advice.
https://rational.org/index.php?id=36
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds like you are REALLY motivated and committed, and those qualities can be a huge help. It really does come down to willingness, not will power.
I have not picked up a drink since the day before my first AA meeting (six years ago). Relapse is NOT a requirement. I know many, many people who never picked up another drink.
When I decided to quit drinking (and I, too, felt at the end of my rope), I had a "plan A" and a "plan B." "Plan A" was going to 90 meetings in 90 days, doing something positive for my sobriety every day, avoiding places or situations that might derail me. If after that time I wasn't still sober, "Plan B" was to go to rehab.
I never had to go to "Plan B," but having it in my mind underscored the seriousness of my commitment.
I really suggest you start off with AA. My first husband got sober there and 35 years later he's still sober. I know it works. I know other people who have successfully gotten sober and stayed that way without AA, so it isn't the ONLY option (although it has been known to succeed for those for whom all else had failed).
Congrats on your decision to give yourself a new life--you will never regret it.
I have not picked up a drink since the day before my first AA meeting (six years ago). Relapse is NOT a requirement. I know many, many people who never picked up another drink.
When I decided to quit drinking (and I, too, felt at the end of my rope), I had a "plan A" and a "plan B." "Plan A" was going to 90 meetings in 90 days, doing something positive for my sobriety every day, avoiding places or situations that might derail me. If after that time I wasn't still sober, "Plan B" was to go to rehab.
I never had to go to "Plan B," but having it in my mind underscored the seriousness of my commitment.
I really suggest you start off with AA. My first husband got sober there and 35 years later he's still sober. I know it works. I know other people who have successfully gotten sober and stayed that way without AA, so it isn't the ONLY option (although it has been known to succeed for those for whom all else had failed).
Congrats on your decision to give yourself a new life--you will never regret it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
I personally never became a totally different person when I drank. I was a happy drunk. However, I do know many people like you who unlease the monster inside when they drink. My brother is one of them. He's been married 4 times, numerous legal issues, health problems etc. Your post reminded me of my brother. He talks about what he calls "the monster under the bed" all the time.
The monster is alcohol. It is a chemical that interacts with the brain and can cause severe behavioral disturbances. I don't know why it interacts differently for different people. Probably because we are all uniquely created with our own personal body chemistry.
Life without alcohol may seem empty and scary now, but many people here have attested to the fact that that is when their life began!!
The monster is alcohol. It is a chemical that interacts with the brain and can cause severe behavioral disturbances. I don't know why it interacts differently for different people. Probably because we are all uniquely created with our own personal body chemistry.
Life without alcohol may seem empty and scary now, but many people here have attested to the fact that that is when their life began!!
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